How Deal Breakers Keep You From Finding True Love After 50
As a single woman dating over 50, what are your thoughts about deal breakers in the men you want to meet?
Just to be clear on what a deal breaker actually is….
They are qualities a man has that you CAN’T TOLERATE in your life or they are qualities a man MUST HAVE in order to date you, such as the same religion or culture.
Men also have deal breakers when it comes to dating you.
But, the difference between the sexes is men honor their deal breakers.
You’ll see this when a man stays in a relationship with a woman for years and years, yet he won’t marry her.
In his mind, she has a deal breaker that isn’t suitable for marriage.
We as women have a tendency not to honor our deal breakers when it comes to men.
We think with a little work and a lot of love, we can change a man.
This just isn’t true.
Men don’t change unless they want to change.
But you might say, I love him so much.
If this is the case, and he has one of your deal breakers, you aren’t honoring yourself and you will be settling.
And so many women choose to settle… They’re afraid no one out there is as good as this man – even if he has one of their deal breakers going on in his life.
This is an illusion. Your mind is playing tricks on you. All it does is take you to a place of scarcity when it comes to men.
The over 50’s generation is leading the pack with the highest divorce rate these days which means there are an abundance of men out there for you to date. You don’t have to settle.
Check out any mainstream dating website (by the way, you can check out some of my favorite dating sites for women over 50 here ) and you’ll see thousands of men right in your area looking for a woman just like you, if you’re willing to give him a chance.
Now, let’s take a moment and talk about some common deal breakers worth thinking about.
- Pets – If you have a beloved pet in your life, then you’ll want a man who’ll treasure your “baby” like you do.
- Children – With adult children or minors, where will you fit in the family equation? And if there are minor children, are you willing to deal with the teenage years again, especially if your kids are now adults?
- Smokers – I once had a boyfriend who’d take himself outside in all kinds of weather for a smoke. He’d stand outside my garage door and puff away, then he’d come in and wash his face before getting near me.That was love to him. For me, it became a major DEAL BREAKER for future relationships.
- Religion – Do you need a man in your life who can share your religious beliefs, going to church or temple with you on a regular basis?
- Alcohol use – Are members of Alcohol Anonymous okay for you to date? Or do you want someone you can share a glass of wine with at the end of the day?
- Differences in sexual behavior – Whether it’s a full-blown Fifty Shades of Grey relationship you desire, or sex once a year on your birthday or something in between.
- Money issues and differences – Do you want him to pay for everything? Or can he be financially responsible for just his side?
Take some time to clear your head and really think about the specifics of your deal breakers and what each one really means to you.
I guarantee whatever deal breakers you skip over now… will become major conflicts in your relationship at a later date.
It’s better to know what your deal breakers are and whether or not a man has them before you get too far into a new relationship.
While you’re thinking about it, why don’t you take a few moments and write your own deal breaker list.
As you get to know a man, refer back to this list to see if he has the qualities it takes to be with you.
And remember, if a healthy long-term relationship is what you really desire in your life, then you’ll want to choose a man who doesn’t have the deal breakers you’ve put on your list.
Want more scoop on your compatibility with a man and the destiny of your relationship? Check out my friend, Carol Allen’s Right Man Report. Click here to learn more.
Would love to hear more about your deal breakers and how its affected your relationships with men.
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
#1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon
Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here
#2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group
It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here
#3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program
I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.
If you are interested in learning more about how I can help, you can Click here to answer a few quick questions and schedule a call.
#4: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Click here to explore my YouTube channel for valuable tips on dating and relationships after 50! Discover insights that will empower you to attract the right partner with confidence.
Copyright© 2024 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.
Hi Lisa,
From my experience with on-line dating it’s very important to
read the man’s entire profile, look at his photos and then
WAIT a bit before contacting and/or responding.
Not days, maybe a couple of hours. During that
time re-read his profile, then decide whether to
write or respond to him.
Sometimes, I miss something about his profile that
is a true deal breaker. It can be because I’m attracted
to him and/or he has a lot to offer INCLUDING
ONE OF MY DEAL BREAKERS.
I find that after I meet a man and like some things about
him, I still have to address the fact that he isn’t relationship
potential for me. Only for me. Some other woman might
be really good with him. Not for me.
So, I go a bit slower, it has saved time and hurt feelings for
both me and the guy.
I still look forward to meeting, “My Guy”.
Take good care, everyone.
Teri
Love what you wrote Teri. You sometimes can’t see a deal breaker until you’ve gotten to know him which could be after a couple of dates. Its why its so important to just have fun those first few dates. Thanks for sharing. Hugs~ Lisa
My deal Breakers are if you are in a relationship, marriage, or have Cheated. Second runner-up is inappropriate sexting, as in ‘we haven’t even met for coffee yet’ ..(red flag see above). And I’m no penpal to someone that lives across the country… I have a job. Doesn’t he?
Great deal breakers A. Marie. 🙂 Hugs~ Lisa
I always said I would not date a man shorter in height than me or someone from a lower social class. It sounds very stuck up but, I was raised to talk well and have good manners and that’s how I raised my own kids.
I started chatting to someone on an online dating site, we clicked straight away, he was articulate and funny and I looked forward to our chats. After a while he asked me to meet him, I didn’t hesitate, but when I did I was inwardly dissapointed. He was 5’4 and was pretty rough round the edges, BUT, he was charming and very sweet and I convinced myself that his ‘other things’ didn’t matter, al I wanted was a nice guy.
We dated on and off for 2 years but problems always arose, he didn’t feel comfortable meeting my friends or going to the places I liked, said they weren’t his thing, even although I went with him to everything he asked me.
I told myself his height didn’t bother me, but if I was honest, it really did. I didn’t wear heels and hated the feeling of towering over him, I honestly just didn’t find it attractive.
We struggled on and broke upmore times than I could count, but I always went back to him because I thought I’d never find anyone ‘as nice’.
It ended badly and now we don’t talk which is really sad, and I miss him very much but know inside he’s not the right person for me and I feel bad for dating him from the onset, we should just have been friends.
Thank you Gillian for sharing this story. Its a perfect example of how deal breakers keep you from honoring yourself. You always felt like you were settling. You learned a lot about yourself and about the right man for you being with him. This was the gift your relationship with him gave you. Hugs~ Lisa
Gillian
I too am pressured a lot to settle for men I’m not attracted to, who are much less educated and responsible than I. Like you, I gave some of these dudes a chance and it ended badly. A lot of this stems from living in a place where it’s very hard to be a happy single, having no family, and remembering what it was like being married to a true peer in all respects. A good many self conscious or less successful men begin to resent that their partner has more earning power, is much more successful, more socially adept and try and bring you down by constant criticism. It’s as though you remind them of what they’re not. It becomes an emotionally abusive situation that you have no choice but to leave. Also, for those of us who worked our way up and out of childhood poverty and away from Redneck culture, it’s difficult to feel pressured into a life and value system you worked hard to break away from.