I always said I would not date a man shorter in height than me or someone from a lower social class. It sounds very stuck up but, I was raised to talk well and have good manners and that’s how I raised my own kids.
I started chatting to someone on an online dating site, we clicked straight away, he was articulate and funny and I looked forward to our chats. After a while he asked me to meet him, I didn’t hesitate, but when I did I was inwardly dissapointed. He was 5’4 and was pretty rough round the edges, BUT, he was charming and very sweet and I convinced myself that his ‘other things’ didn’t matter, al I wanted was a nice guy.
We dated on and off for 2 years but problems always arose, he didn’t feel comfortable meeting my friends or going to the places I liked, said they weren’t his thing, even although I went with him to everything he asked me.
I told myself his height didn’t bother me, but if I was honest, it really did. I didn’t wear heels and hated the feeling of towering over him, I honestly just didn’t find it attractive.
We struggled on and broke upmore times than I could count, but I always went back to him because I thought I’d never find anyone ‘as nice’.
It ended badly and now we don’t talk which is really sad, and I miss him very much but know inside he’s not the right person for me and I feel bad for dating him from the onset, we should just have been friends.
March 1, 2018 at 10:18 am
Lisa
Thank you Gillian for sharing this story. Its a perfect example of how deal breakers keep you from honoring yourself. You always felt like you were settling. You learned a lot about yourself and about the right man for you being with him. This was the gift your relationship with him gave you. Hugs~ Lisa
March 3, 2018 at 9:01 am
Noquay
Gillian
I too am pressured a lot to settle for men I’m not attracted to, who are much less educated and responsible than I. Like you, I gave some of these dudes a chance and it ended badly. A lot of this stems from living in a place where it’s very hard to be a happy single, having no family, and remembering what it was like being married to a true peer in all respects. A good many self conscious or less successful men begin to resent that their partner has more earning power, is much more successful, more socially adept and try and bring you down by constant criticism. It’s as though you remind them of what they’re not. It becomes an emotionally abusive situation that you have no choice but to leave. Also, for those of us who worked our way up and out of childhood poverty and away from Redneck culture, it’s difficult to feel pressured into a life and value system you worked hard to break away from.
March 1, 2018 at 1:45 am
A.Marie Shepherd
My deal Breakers are if you are in a relationship, marriage, or have Cheated. Second runner-up is inappropriate sexting, as in ‘we haven’t even met for coffee yet’ ..(red flag see above). And I’m no penpal to someone that lives across the country… I have a job. Doesn’t he?
March 1, 2018 at 10:18 am
Lisa
Great deal breakers A. Marie. 🙂 Hugs~ Lisa
February 28, 2018 at 7:00 pm
Teri Gottlieb
Hi Lisa,
From my experience with on-line dating it’s very important to
read the man’s entire profile, look at his photos and then
WAIT a bit before contacting and/or responding.
Not days, maybe a couple of hours. During that
time re-read his profile, then decide whether to
write or respond to him.
Sometimes, I miss something about his profile that
is a true deal breaker. It can be because I’m attracted
to him and/or he has a lot to offer INCLUDING
ONE OF MY DEAL BREAKERS.
I find that after I meet a man and like some things about
him, I still have to address the fact that he isn’t relationship
potential for me. Only for me. Some other woman might
be really good with him. Not for me.
So, I go a bit slower, it has saved time and hurt feelings for
both me and the guy.
I still look forward to meeting, “My Guy”.
Take good care, everyone.
Teri
March 1, 2018 at 10:21 am
Lisa
Love what you wrote Teri. You sometimes can’t see a deal breaker until you’ve gotten to know him which could be after a couple of dates. Its why its so important to just have fun those first few dates. Thanks for sharing. Hugs~ Lisa
March 1, 2018 at 4:43 am
Gillian
I always said I would not date a man shorter in height than me or someone from a lower social class. It sounds very stuck up but, I was raised to talk well and have good manners and that’s how I raised my own kids.
I started chatting to someone on an online dating site, we clicked straight away, he was articulate and funny and I looked forward to our chats. After a while he asked me to meet him, I didn’t hesitate, but when I did I was inwardly dissapointed. He was 5’4 and was pretty rough round the edges, BUT, he was charming and very sweet and I convinced myself that his ‘other things’ didn’t matter, al I wanted was a nice guy.
We dated on and off for 2 years but problems always arose, he didn’t feel comfortable meeting my friends or going to the places I liked, said they weren’t his thing, even although I went with him to everything he asked me.
I told myself his height didn’t bother me, but if I was honest, it really did. I didn’t wear heels and hated the feeling of towering over him, I honestly just didn’t find it attractive.
We struggled on and broke upmore times than I could count, but I always went back to him because I thought I’d never find anyone ‘as nice’.
It ended badly and now we don’t talk which is really sad, and I miss him very much but know inside he’s not the right person for me and I feel bad for dating him from the onset, we should just have been friends.
March 1, 2018 at 10:18 am
Lisa
Thank you Gillian for sharing this story. Its a perfect example of how deal breakers keep you from honoring yourself. You always felt like you were settling. You learned a lot about yourself and about the right man for you being with him. This was the gift your relationship with him gave you. Hugs~ Lisa
March 3, 2018 at 9:01 am
Noquay
Gillian
I too am pressured a lot to settle for men I’m not attracted to, who are much less educated and responsible than I. Like you, I gave some of these dudes a chance and it ended badly. A lot of this stems from living in a place where it’s very hard to be a happy single, having no family, and remembering what it was like being married to a true peer in all respects. A good many self conscious or less successful men begin to resent that their partner has more earning power, is much more successful, more socially adept and try and bring you down by constant criticism. It’s as though you remind them of what they’re not. It becomes an emotionally abusive situation that you have no choice but to leave. Also, for those of us who worked our way up and out of childhood poverty and away from Redneck culture, it’s difficult to feel pressured into a life and value system you worked hard to break away from.
March 1, 2018 at 1:45 am
A.Marie Shepherd
My deal Breakers are if you are in a relationship, marriage, or have Cheated. Second runner-up is inappropriate sexting, as in ‘we haven’t even met for coffee yet’ ..(red flag see above). And I’m no penpal to someone that lives across the country… I have a job. Doesn’t he?
March 1, 2018 at 10:18 am
Lisa
Great deal breakers A. Marie. 🙂 Hugs~ Lisa
February 28, 2018 at 7:00 pm
Teri Gottlieb
Hi Lisa,
From my experience with on-line dating it’s very important to
read the man’s entire profile, look at his photos and then
WAIT a bit before contacting and/or responding.
Not days, maybe a couple of hours. During that
time re-read his profile, then decide whether to
write or respond to him.
Sometimes, I miss something about his profile that
is a true deal breaker. It can be because I’m attracted
to him and/or he has a lot to offer INCLUDING
ONE OF MY DEAL BREAKERS.
I find that after I meet a man and like some things about
him, I still have to address the fact that he isn’t relationship
potential for me. Only for me. Some other woman might
be really good with him. Not for me.
So, I go a bit slower, it has saved time and hurt feelings for
both me and the guy.
I still look forward to meeting, “My Guy”.
Take good care, everyone.
Teri
March 1, 2018 at 10:21 am
Lisa
Love what you wrote Teri. You sometimes can’t see a deal breaker until you’ve gotten to know him which could be after a couple of dates. Its why its so important to just have fun those first few dates. Thanks for sharing. Hugs~ Lisa