What You Can Learn About Successfully Finding Love From “The Golden Bachelor”
You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, it would have been hard to miss all the hype over the release of “The Golden Bachelor”.
What I love about this new “The Bachelor” concept is that it shows that both men and women in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s are still vital, beautiful/handsome, active, smart and fun.
From a dating coach perspective, I found the show so interesting because it mirrored many of the actions I see clients doing every day in their love lives that either make them successful at finding love after 50 or keep them from getting the right guy.
Today, I want to share some of these golden nuggets with you and I’ll even give you my thoughts about whether or not I think Gerry is going to find his person.
One of the biggest mistakes I see in over 50’s dating is when people assume an enticing book cover has a great story inside.
What do I mean by this?
Gerry is a nice looking man who is meeting 22 women for the first time in a tuxedo and that alone automatically elevates his handsomeness.
He’s also shown only kindness to the women he’s met, which makes them think he’s got it all based on this first impression.
You want to be very careful of thinking someone’s great because of their looks.
At this point, all a man’s looks really mean is that he comes from a good gene pool.
Let’s say you saw Gerry’s picture online.
Maybe he’s not super photogenic or he’s wearing a plaid shirt or sweatshirt with jeans.
Without the elevated look of a tuxedo, would you pass him by without knowing anything else about him?
One of the best things you can do for yourself is to give men who aren’t the most photogenic yet seem so nice a couple of chances.
This gives you the opportunity to dig a little deeper so you can see what else is there that is relationship material versus just his looks.
One of the things I liked about Gerry is that he took time to heal from the loss of his wife.
And even though he could still get teary about his late wife, he took six years to heal.
Healing is so important to do whether you’ve experienced the death of a spouse, or a divorce.
You want to take the time to heal, otherwise, you’re bringing your last relationship and any unresolved feelings and issues with you into a new relationship.
That’s called baggage.
A potential red flag for Gerry is when he shared that one of the women he’d met reminded him of his late wife.
I’ve worked with women for a long time and especially when it comes to women who had a good marriage and their spouse passes away, it’s easy without realizing it to go out there looking for this person again or someone like him.
The problem is that person doesn’t exist anymore and looking for him only hurts a woman as it holds her back from being able to see the possibilities in good men who could be great partners but are different than the man she loved in the past.
More red flags. This time about the women.
Some of the women had pretty dramatic entrances.
Now, this is reality TV.
And they have to set themselves apart and make a memorable impression quickly.
So I get some of the entrances.
But, in real life, if you’re going to make a BIG entrance, it can turn a guy off because he thinks you’re weird and he stops seeing the possibilities you might have as a potential match for him.
It’s better to be your authentic self.
Let’s talk about the women planting big kisses on Gerry’s lips and whether or not men like this.
They do but I don’t necessarily recommend doing this when you first meet.
Instead, when you meet a new man, give him a hug.
It makes you come across as warm and open.
I’m not a big proponent of offering your hand for him to shake.
Handshakes are for job interviews.
Hugs are when you’re looking for love.
A hug makes you come across as someone who’s really warm and men like that.
Another red flag . . . some of the women were over talking about themselves in their first meeting with Gerry.
When you do this, it’s a monologue, not a dialogue and it’s all about you.
Again, I know this is reality TV, and these women are doing their best to let Gerry know quickly what’s interesting about them.
But MONOLOGUING is NOT what connects you.
What connects you is a back-and-forth conversation as you get to know each other.
When you’re trying to prove that you’re his person, you’ve elevated his value to one of you having to prove you’re worthy of him versus knowing you’re a catch that attracts a man who’s worthy of you!
Another important thing I think you can learn from this show is what made Gerry so open to Faith, the woman who got his first impression rose.
The answer . . . she made him feel special.
Yes, she came in on a motorcycle but what Gerry told her he liked about her was how her smile was not only on her lips but also sparkled in her eyes.
This made her come off as authentic and laid back unlike so many of the other women who were giving off the vibe of “Look at me!!!!”
Faith was very low-key and matched his warmth and kindness.
You could tell they had an immediate connection with each other.
What I did love seeing on this show was nobody talking about chemistry.
They spoke about connection which is what creates a heart-centered relationship between a man and a woman.
If you’ve been listening to me for a while, you know, I am a big proponent of connection versus chemistry.
Chemistry is hormonal, it is not sustainable and it can give you a false sense of trust with someone you’d be better off not trusting.
Connection is when the two of you connect through your hearts, and you just feel a warmth inside of you.
This goes with what Gerry said about Faith making him feel special.
Now bottom line, do I think Gerry will get the woman?
I think for sure he will connect like he already has with many of them.
The real problem is a lot of these women live far from Indiana.
Gerry and one of these women might have a strong connection while in “The Golden Bachelor” mansion.
But how do you fit the pieces of real life together when you live that far apart?
And with both Gerry and the woman he chooses probably having a lot of family and friends where they each live, it could be hard for one of them to leave everything and move to where the other one is.
Overall, I think this will be a fun show to watch over the next couple of months.
And I love that it shows the world how amazing men and women in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s really are and that they have the ability no matter what age to find love.
I hope you’ll share your thoughts and comments with me below.
Believing in you!
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
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I had a few dates with a man who on paper had everything I liked. His first wife had died 23 years prior and he had subsequently had 2 other short term marriages. There was not a conversation where he did not end up talking about his first wife? I rapidly got fed up with it all and told him I didn’t want to catch up again. Seriously, 23 years ago? I was married 34 years and very rarely mention my Ex.
Hi Pam….how frustrating this must have felt for you. Men do not have the social connections we as women have so they work their “Baggage” out with women they date. The guy needs a therapist not a girlfriend and probably shouldn’t be out there dating if he’s still grieving his late wife 23 years later. Moving on was a good choice for you. Congrats for not settling for someone whose heart was not present to love.