Do “Real Men” Even Exist and What to Do About Men Who Only Want to Talk on the Phone
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Dear Lisa,
I just had my fifth miserable “first date” in the last few months. I’m using Chemistry.com which I recently signed up for since the other sites I’ve been on haven’t worked for me.
I met a man who is 49 like me and lives in a nearby suburb. After emailing a couple of times, he asked me to meet him at a fancy restaurant. I assumed he wanted to meet for dinner because he listed an income of 100-150K and said he works as an investor. Turns out he’s a slum landlord. He also listed Fine Dining as one of his interests.
I got there on time, in a dress with jewelry… looking quite nice. He was not there yet, so I went to the ladies room to freshen up. When I got back, the hostess said he was out on the patio. We ordered wine but he must have told the waiter that we weren’t going to order any food because the waiter kept bringing food to the nearby tables but never gave me a menu or asked me if I wanted to order.
During our date, I found out his son had moved back in with him along with his wife and 2 toddlers. Then I asked about his other children and found out his daughter was still living with him as well!
He was not very warm or caring and seemed to be rather detached and distracted while I was there.
I’m beginning to wonder if there are really just no kind, caring men available at my age anymore???
Nance
Nance,
Let me put your mind to rest by saying, YES-there are lots of kind, caring men available at your age!
It might help to take a look at why you are choosing the men you date. Are there certain things they must have before you will look at them?
Are you willing to go “Outside the Box” and date someone totally different from the men you have dated in the past?
Usually when we get the same dating results of feeling frustrated over and over again, it means we are dating the same type of man over and over again who just doesn’t work for us anymore.
Try someone different but do it slowly… change just one thing about the men you date whether its his income, religion, political views, etc.
Sometimes, this is all you need to open the doors to more men to date and hopefully one will be what you are looking for!
One last point, it’s a good idea to invest 15 minutes of your time talking on the phone with a man so you can screen him and decide if this is someone you’d even like to meet. Good luck!
Dear Lisa,
I’ve been talking with a really nice man on the phone every night for about 2 weeks. We can talk for hours and we have so much fun laughing and sharing our day and our lives. But, he hasn’t asked me out….what should I do?
Jody
Jody,
Be kind to yourself and stop your phone relationship with this man immediately. Tell him you’ve enjoyed talking and you’d love to meet him.
If he says, “I don’t think I’m ready” …tell him that you’ve enjoyed your talks but you want more.
You really don’t want to invest your time in a phone relationship. It’s a “Fantasy Dating Relationship!”
If you continue, you will feel so safe that you will more then likely share way too much about yourself… and believe it or not-when you meet, you may not even click.
Think how you’ll feel having already shared your whole life story and its secrets with a man you might end up not wanting to date.
I won’t lie to you…you will probably miss what you’ve created in the past 2 weeks but what you have is a time filler not a relationship.
I know it feels good but… if he wanted to date you, he’d have already asked you out. Jody, he’s just using you for the emotional connection he can only get from a woman.
If he’s not willing to meet, let him go. If it’s hard to do that, think about this…would you rather have a phone relationship or a relationship with a man who will go to a movie with you, take you to dinner and give you a long loving kiss and hug at the end of a date?
Until next time-
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
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1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
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Lisa
You hit my problem right on the nose, only my phone calls went on for a very long time even past the other ones. This person was really sharp at what he did and after an extremely long time of him feeding me all I wanted to hear we still did not have one date. I found during this time that he was definitely a narcissist but he still told me what I needed and wanted to hear(like I could see us together.)Nice he could see us everywhere except on a date. He had great excuses for everything. His job also was always a convenient excuse because what he did professionally involved lots of unexplained time
Why do I still have feelings for this man ? It has done a number on my self esteem also. Alice
Alice
I can so relate to your story because this once happened to me with an old flame from my past. It’s a painful experience…but it’s one you can get through.
Men like this keep you on the phone for hours raising your hopes about a potential imaginary relationship.
It sounds wonderful and its almost as if he’s reading your mind because what he is telling you feels so yummy. It’s like he knows you to your core and it feels like no one else will ever know you this way.
This is a classic example of getting involved with a man I like to call “The Charmer.” This kind of man uses women to fill his time while he is out prowling for other women who might be better suited for him.
What feels so hard about this type of relationship is that it feels so real because of the relationship pictures a man like this creates for you. You can feel just as hurt in this relationship as you would in a real one.
If you haven’t already done this… end it with him. In the future, when a man hasn’t asked you out by call #3, it would be wise to let him go.
i know you are hurting and need some time to heal. While you are healing, remember all the good things about you. Make a list and read it to yourself daily as a reminder of how wonderful you are and what you have to offer a relationship.
It will take some time to disconnect from this man and find the real you again. If you do this, it will be so worth it! You’ll be able get back out there with confidence and have the real relationship you desire. Keep me posted. Lots of hugs to you!