Dear Lisa-Why Do I Attract The Wrong Men as an Over 50’s Dater?
Dear Lisa
I am 66 yet most people think that I am in my early 50’s. I am attractive, healthy outgoing, still very active and have the best of both worlds… mostly anyway. I own my home, car and camper van. I’m pretty much retired and collect pensions and rent from a suite… so I’m definitely financially independent. I have a dog, love to hike, XC ski, dance, golf, bake bread, cook gourmet meals for my friends, dress up for live theatre or a romantic dinner……..you get the picture…..
My question is… Why am I still alone??? I was married 24 years and have grown children, have been engaged 3 times to great guys… but each one turned out to have major anger issues…some bordering on rage!!!
Of course they keep that under wraps until I’m madly in love with them…then it surfaces, in private only of course. I make mental excuses for as long as possible… ask them to get help, offer to support them emotionally through counseling, which they have all refused…. then wake up and ask myself if this is what I want for the rest of my life…and it’s over !!! Help what can I do? Phyllis
Phyllis
Sounds like you are a wonderful woman with her own interests and life and that you are looking for a man to enhance your life.
But, up to now you’ve met men with rage issues that aren’t showing up until you’re madly in love with him
Rage is a personality disorder on a man’s part that cannot be changed with counseling unless a man wants to do something about changing it. RUN DON’T WALK from men who exhibit negative personality behaviors like this.
Personality flaws like rage and anger usually show up before a huge blow up occurs. Now that you are aware…you’ll start to notice them in small ways such as continuous anger in an email or phone call with you or someone you observe him speaking with.
How many times do we paint a picture in our head of who a man is from what we read in his profile? Then we meet him and he’s someone totally different than who we thought he was.
This may be happening to you when you fall “madly in love” with a man.
What you might be doing… is taking what you think you see and know about a man from early dates and spinning it to fit the picture of the man you have painted in your mind.
This will cause you to miss “red flags” along the way. You literally can’t see the flaws until its too late and the so-called rose color glasses have come off.
Be willing to look at who a man really is not who you think he is.
You can do this…. slow down the dating process by observing what a man says and how he acts with you and others. These are the clues to who he really is.
Now you know what to look for so hopefully attracting this type of man will start to change for you.
Dear Lisa
I have been on POF and other sites off and on for years…but I think that, because of my age, I get very few responses to my ‘Quick Notes.’ If I do get any…they make excuses why we can’t meet…The last one said that he has a cold…. some use the distance excuse although it is only 1/2 to 1 hour drive to the nearest city… I have met a couple of fellows for coffee… after spending a few weeks with phone conversations…one started calling me at 11:30 or midnight even after my asking him to please not call after 9:30… another I golfed with and he couldn’t keep his hands to himself……
Help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please !!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m not ready to resign myself to living alone forever…… Thanks, Tammy
Tammy
There are a lot of men out there including younger men who would like to date women our age if you are open to it.
Men our age…usually like being the one to make first contact with a woman. A few have worked the other way around but most of the time…it will fizzle if you’ve made the first move.
If you’re having trouble getting men to write to you…take a look at your profile to see what might need some updating.
Pictures are important. It’s the first thing a man looks at so your picture needs to intrigue him enough to want to read your profile and contact you.
Take pictures wearing clothes that feel and look feminine and be sure they flatter your body type. Wear flattering makeup in colors that bring out your eyes and skin color.
Be clever in a profile. Not too many I’s as in I like yoga and I like my dog, etc.
Choose an activity and paint a picture a man can imagine himself in… then end the profile with a leading question that invites him to write you.
And lastly…get a brother or male friend to look at your picture and profile and ask them to gently give you the male perspective on it.
Also consider giving yourself the gift of the Find A Quality Man Home Study System. You’ll get everything you need to know about dating after 50 including examples of writing a great profile. Keep us posted on how this works for you.
Until next time~
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
#1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon
Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here
#2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group
It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here
#3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program
I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.
If you are interested in learning more about how I can help, you can Click here to answer a few quick questions and schedule a call.
#4: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Click here to explore my YouTube channel for valuable tips on dating and relationships after 50! Discover insights that will empower you to attract the right partner with confidence.
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