I read your blog post with great interest, but in some ways, I want to play devil’s advocate here.
So yes, it sucked for Wendy. Lousy first date, no exit strategy. BUT… if she had just met Barry at a coffee shop, as you suggest, how likely is it she would have discovered the yellow toenails, the musty furniture, and the tombstone collection (I still can’t get over that one) at a coffee shop? Unless he was wearing open-toed sandals or mentioned his tombstone collection, probably not! She might have had a great date with him. Then, a few dates down the road, she would have gone to his house, had the date you described in your previous blog post, and realized he was NOT for her. Now she has wasted time and energy that she’s invested in Barry, and perhaps her disappointment is even greater because she has started to care for him.
In some ways, I think the guy did her a real favor right from the start. Even if she had to spend a few creepy hours with him, she knew pretty quickly that this wasn’t going anywhere and she was able to move on mentally. I know it was disappointing, but she is now totally back on the market and can mark this guy off her list. Oh yes, and she’s learned that the opinion of those so-called friends is not exactly sound. That’s my two cents worth.
August 24, 2012 at 10:09 pm
Lisa
Hi Karen
Wendy’s problem was she found she didn’t like this man in person-a very common problem that often happens. On the phone, our energy may work great but in real life it often doesn’t. And, yes, the tombstones, furniture and toenails were distractions while they were speaking at his home but chances are she probably wouldn’t have liked him at the coffee shop either. If she had liked him and gotten to know him better in neutral territory, what creeped her out on a first date at his house may have seemed nothing more then eccentric and part of his personality further into a relationship. Thanks for your thoughts Karen. Hugs, Lisa
Thanks for the guidance- I wish I had read these points before I ended up in a 2 hour miserable first date recently where they guy I met turned out to be extremely strong-minded and wanted to debate everything with me from gun control laws to the high cost of breast implants!
I also discovered that he is a vegan ( I love meat!) and an advocate for “living off the grid” and distrusting our government. Instead of leaving after a few minutes, I stayed because I worried that it would be rude to leave.
August 24, 2012 at 10:34 am
Lisa
Hi Nancy
Thanks for sharing your story.
I remember when I first started dating in my 40’s, I would let men ramble on the phone for hours thinking I was being the “Good Girl”. I didn’t know any better and the hours of time I could have spent doing activities that interested me, were instead spent listening to some guys life story without even leading to a date.
We have enough on our plates and we don’t need to waste time being with dates that aren’t working. That’s why it’s so important to have an exit strategy in place before the date begins just like you do on an airplane, a movie theater or a hotel- so you know where to go when a dates just not working.
Hope your next date is better but if it’s not, you now know you can sweetly say Bye-Bye before your coffee is done. Good luck and keep me posted on how this works for you. Hopefully all your future dates will be great.
August 24, 2012 at 2:44 pm
Karen
Hi Lisa,
I read your blog post with great interest, but in some ways, I want to play devil’s advocate here.
So yes, it sucked for Wendy. Lousy first date, no exit strategy. BUT… if she had just met Barry at a coffee shop, as you suggest, how likely is it she would have discovered the yellow toenails, the musty furniture, and the tombstone collection (I still can’t get over that one) at a coffee shop? Unless he was wearing open-toed sandals or mentioned his tombstone collection, probably not! She might have had a great date with him. Then, a few dates down the road, she would have gone to his house, had the date you described in your previous blog post, and realized he was NOT for her. Now she has wasted time and energy that she’s invested in Barry, and perhaps her disappointment is even greater because she has started to care for him.
In some ways, I think the guy did her a real favor right from the start. Even if she had to spend a few creepy hours with him, she knew pretty quickly that this wasn’t going anywhere and she was able to move on mentally. I know it was disappointing, but she is now totally back on the market and can mark this guy off her list. Oh yes, and she’s learned that the opinion of those so-called friends is not exactly sound. That’s my two cents worth.
August 24, 2012 at 10:09 pm
Lisa
Hi Karen
Wendy’s problem was she found she didn’t like this man in person-a very common problem that often happens. On the phone, our energy may work great but in real life it often doesn’t. And, yes, the tombstones, furniture and toenails were distractions while they were speaking at his home but chances are she probably wouldn’t have liked him at the coffee shop either. If she had liked him and gotten to know him better in neutral territory, what creeped her out on a first date at his house may have seemed nothing more then eccentric and part of his personality further into a relationship. Thanks for your thoughts Karen. Hugs, Lisa
August 24, 2012 at 7:23 am
Nancy Kay
Thanks for the guidance- I wish I had read these points before I ended up in a 2 hour miserable first date recently where they guy I met turned out to be extremely strong-minded and wanted to debate everything with me from gun control laws to the high cost of breast implants!
I also discovered that he is a vegan ( I love meat!) and an advocate for “living off the grid” and distrusting our government. Instead of leaving after a few minutes, I stayed because I worried that it would be rude to leave.
August 24, 2012 at 10:34 am
Lisa
Hi Nancy
Thanks for sharing your story.
I remember when I first started dating in my 40’s, I would let men ramble on the phone for hours thinking I was being the “Good Girl”. I didn’t know any better and the hours of time I could have spent doing activities that interested me, were instead spent listening to some guys life story without even leading to a date.
We have enough on our plates and we don’t need to waste time being with dates that aren’t working. That’s why it’s so important to have an exit strategy in place before the date begins just like you do on an airplane, a movie theater or a hotel- so you know where to go when a dates just not working.
Hope your next date is better but if it’s not, you now know you can sweetly say Bye-Bye before your coffee is done. Good luck and keep me posted on how this works for you. Hopefully all your future dates will be great.
Lots of hugs
Lisa