When I first started dating in my mid 40’s, I had no clue what to do when it came to men and online dating.
I look back and wince at how often I allowed men to make me their email pal or phone pal and in all honesty… I was thrilled by this.
You see, I figured they picked ME out of every other woman to speak with so in return…. it was my female duty to let them yak for hours about themselves and their day.
Night after night, I’d think I was doing the right thing… yet guess what… no date ever came out of one of these nighttime talkers.
I had to learn the hard way how to set boundaries with these men. I don’t want you to have to do the same thing so I’d like to share with you 5 tips about Online Dating that will help make your cyber experience so much easier.
Tip #1-Choosing The Man For You Online
Some men look great on paper don’t they? Then you meet them in person and you think… Oh My God, what happened to the one I thought was so great online? Where is he?
This happens because you paint a picture in your mind of who someone might be based on a couple of paragraphs.
More than likely they aren’t that person and you’ve created a set up for being disappointed when he’s not who you thought he was.
Try and leave out any expectations and pictures of who you think a man might be until you’ve actually met him.
Tip #2-The Initial Email
I usually recommend you let men contact you. I always found it fizzled when I was the first to get the ball rolling.
Now that being said…I know of 2 very good relationships where the woman contacted the man first.
It’s worth a try if you are really interested in a man but make sure you aren’t attached to whether or not he writes you back.
Etiquette wise…try and keep emails to about 3-5 each. Beyond that… you are becoming his pen pal. You really want to take it to next step fairly quickly.
Tip #3-The Phone and using it to your advantage
I recommend limiting phone conversations to 2 or 3 at the most.
This gives you the opportunity to screen a man plus limiting the number of calls keeps you from the nighttime fiasco’s I mentioned earlier that go nowhere.
If you chose to meet without this step, you could be quite surprised by who shows up.
I remember a date with a guy who asked me to meet him at an ice cream shop. Novel idea. The problem…he had no job and no money for dating so no ice cream.
I’d have found that out if I’d spent some time on the phone with him before meeting him.
You can limit calls to 2 or 3 but it is worth squeezing at least one in to see if he’s date worthy so you aren’t wasting your time on the next step….
Tip #4 -The Date
So he sounds nice on the phone. Hopefully you haven’t painted too many pictures in your mind about him yet cause chances are he’s not who you think he is.
I like meeting for coffee or tea. A meal is great but… it can be very long and you have to be at your best for at least an hour or longer.
Meeting at a coffee shop can be short and sweet and you can be out of there within half an hour or less once your beverage is done.
If the date’s going well… you can take it to a meal but I do suggest limiting first dates to about 2 hours. Leave some mystery and intrigue for the next time.
Click here to learn more about dating over 50…
Tip #5-That Elusive Second Date
You’ve painted a picture of him in your head…guess what? He’s done the same thing about the woman he wants and if you don’t fit that picture…a second date is not going to be in the cards.
Try and remember…it’s not about you! It’s about him and his idea of who he wants.
Women do the same thing. Think of all the guys you said NO to because they didn’t fit your picture of Mr. Right.
Either way…try and view every date as a way to get to know someone new and interesting.
And promise me, if he doesn’t ask you out again, you won’t write, text or call him.
Move on to the next guy cause your goal is to have someone who chooses to want you in his life not someone you push or bribe to ask you out again.
And it can take kissing a few frogs to get to your Prince. Be patient and just keep at it. He’s waiting for you!
Would Love to hear your thoughts….
Until Next Time~
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
#1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon
Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here
#2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group
It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here
#3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program
I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.
If you are interested in learning more about how I can help, you can Click here to answer a few quick questions and schedule a call.
#4: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Click here to explore my YouTube channel for valuable tips on dating and relationships after 50! Discover insights that will empower you to attract the right partner with confidence.
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Hi Lisa,
Thank-you for the great specific on line tips..
Question Clarification? Tip # 2. Emails. Did you mean Keep it to 3-5? what? ? ?
Keep it to 3-5 back and forth = one email exchsnge or did you mean keep it to 3-5 lines of text? The sentence was missing the noun.
Thanks Lisa,
Happy Monday,
Linda
Hi Linda
3-5 should be the maximum each of you writes before heading to the phone. Glad you enjoyed the post.
Lisa
Lisa,
Thank you for the valuable tips regarding online dating. It has been challenging, but I’m forging ahead! I am so grateful for your advice during our wonderful phone conversation and it is really helped me a great deal.
I am using all of your tips to my advantage and my dating encounters are better than I ever expected. I remember that frogs are good too! They keep my confidence level high and they are great practice as I seek my happily ever after 50 again.
Take care.
Hi Jackie
So glad dating has become easier and fun for you. I look forward to hearing more about the results you keep getting with the tools we spoke about. Keep me posted!
Lisa
Thanks for this Lisa….
I agree with all of it and will make you that promise not to call him if he doesn’t contact me for a second date….
My challenge is….. If I don’t make the first contact on the dating site…. no one contacts ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I currently have a profile on POF. Please have a look if you have the time…. and tell me how to improve my profiles to get responses…… My Christian Mingle profile is brand new… they are just posting the pics now…….
I so appreciate your feedback….
Christine (Tina)
Tina
Thanks for your comment. I’m so sorry I can’t personally get back to you about your profile but watch in the future for columns about creating a great profile that can attract the types of men you want.
Lisa
I have changed my profile, added another picture as suggested, but not once has a guy ever contacted me first in the last year. I have tried OurTime, Match, Christian Mingle and EHarmoney. Now I am on a free site. It seems the same guys are on this site as were on the sites I had been paying for. I’m thinking that its the area I live in. I’m not going to take it as a personal rejection by no means. But it does get really frustrating to say the least.
Hi Donna
So proud of your attitude. Keep at it and if you are willing….expand your parameters for meeting a man to within 2 hours of your home. I have a friend who met a man online who lived 2 hours away from her. They met up on weekends and over time this lead to marriage. 2 hours is workable…much further creates more complications. Keep the great work up and keep us posted on how the 2 hours works for you.
Two thoughts.
1. Waiting for others to write can be very frustrating if you’re not in the top 5% (or some %) of photo-attractives (men or women). There are so many profiles you may end up waiting a very long time.
2. Advising women to wait for men to write first, and advising women to move on if he isn’t the one to make the second date, may be practical for most people’s habits, but I hope you realize it’s part of traditional sexist, genderist role playing.
Berick
Thank you for your comments. I so appreciate them. I’d like to take a moment and address each one.
Yes, you are right…if you are not photographic, the online dating process is harder. To solve this, head to a makeup counter and a hair stylist for some great tips on enhancing your best features. Make an appointment with a professional photographer and let them light you in a way that flatters you. It will make a big difference.
I do advise women to let men contact them but….you can contact men. The thing is, it often fizzles quickly.
Men need to feel that initial attraction to you. And men over 50….who grew up with Ward Cleaver as a role model where the man took care of the woman and was head of the house…. like taking the initiative in the dating process unless they are a beta male.
I’m not saying this is right but…if you want to get somewhere with most men over 50, you need to cultivate your best feminine side and let it come out to play with his masculinity. It can be fun to flirt again.
If it feels too retro 1950’s…remember that’s when most boomers were born… it might be fun to try a younger guy who’d be more open to being contacted by a woman.
Spot on with this write-up, I seriously feel this amazing site needs far
more attention. I’ll probably be returning to see more, thanks for the information!
Lisa,
I found this to be a very interesting article from the male standpoint as well. I too have been wondering what is the proper etiquette for online dating. I have been having very long, interesting, and meaningful conversations with a very captivating lady online. I was not sure what the next step ought to be without making her feel uncomfortable or that I was trying to rush things along. The dating site we are on has an “Online/Instant Chat” available and we use it for 1-2 hours per evening. You have provided some much needed insight and it is greatly appreciated.
I agree that you should wait for him to initiate the second date.
If there is a spark, he will call! If he's waiting for you to call, what does that say about him??
I know what year it is but, men and women are still different. He needs to 'chase' and you need to be chased otherwise…
Just sayin!!!