12 Simple Do’s and Don’ts for Connecting to A Man on a First Date
Last week, I watched an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond called The Sister-In-Law.
This episode was a perfect example of just how differently men and women think conversation connects us. . . something you want to be aware of when you head out on a first date.
The story begins with Raymond having the house all to himself.
He’s decided to spend the time watching a basketball game with his brother.
Waiting for Robert to show up, Ray is as happy as can be eating one of his favorite food groups, potato chips.
Then the door opens and who walks in?
Robert’s wife, Amy.
She parks herself right next to Raymond on the couch and starts telling him about her shopping trip and the challenges she had with the sales lady helping her.
You can literally watch Raymond’s eyes glazing over as Amy goes into lots of detail about her day.
On one side of the coin, Amy feels by sharing her experience, she has really connected with Raymond.
On the other side, Robert has now nicknamed her “Lady Chatterley”.
So, why do I share this story with you?
As women, we love details and that’s why Amy openly shared the intricate details of her shopping experience with Raymond.
But most men aren’t interested in specific details unless . . . they relate to you and there is something in the story they can fix and make better for you.
Now if you can’t go into details with a man…then what do you talk about on a first date?
Well, here’s 12 Do’s and Don’ts to guide you into smooth first date conversation with the men you’ll meet.
1. If you’re feeling awkward and silences are happening between the two of you (which by the way is pretty normal) DO try to break the awkwardness by smiling, laughing and saying something like…first dates are pretty awkward aren’t they? This common feeling creates a connection between the two of you that could turn your date around.
2. Don’t talk about how angry or bitter you feel about your ex. A man can’t fix something for a woman he barely knows and this makes him feel like he’s not doing his manly job of keeping you safe. (By the way, if you still grit your teeth with anger talking about your ex, you probably want to do some healing before you date.)
3. Do feel free to talk about the weather that’s happening these days. I remember meeting a man right after a major snowstorm. We both could relate to getting snowed in and that common feeling is the type of stuff that helps you bond.
4. Do talk about sports if you’re a fan. This will make a man feel like he’s hit the jackpot meeting you.
5. Don’t get turned off when a man shares a lot about his life. I remember a guy pulling out his phone to show me pictures of his house, his kids, his dog, and his vacations. Why do men do that? He does it because he likes you and he’s trying to impress you hoping you’ll go out with him again.
6. Don’t monopolize a conversation and talk on and on about yourself. Monologues are boring and you could end up being labeled Lady Chatterley like Amy was.
7. Do feel free to talk about something nice or funny that happened to you now or in the past. You come across as light and fun to be around; qualities men are looking for in a woman.
8. Don’t get into deep discussions about politics or religion. These are “hot topics” that can push people’s buttons. You’re looking for a 2nd date, not World War III.
9. Do talk about friends and family and ask about his.
10. Don’t whine or complain about your life. Everyone has troubles of some sort. When you air the dirty laundry on a first date, you come off sounding like a major Debbie Downer. Not a trait that is super appealing to men.
11. Do ask questions about his childhood like what his favorite TV show was. Sharing history like this creates connection.
12. Don’t talk about the details of your friend’s new love life or the fact your plumber was supposed to come at 1 but didn’t show up until 5 unless you want to watch his eyes glaze over. Instead, Do find topics that apply to both of you. These are the things that give you the best chance of finding common ground to bond over.
One last thing . . .wanted to share an email I got from one of my happy group clients. I love what I do 🙂
Believing in You!
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