I enjoy reading your articles and letters to others. However, I would like to state an observation of mine. I have been online meeting for many years now. I've met many men. Overall, my experience with online dating is very negative. I've always had a great profile and lots of requests to meet and tons of compliments. This all changed after I turned 52. Oh, I still get emails every now and then with the same kind of nice compliments. But, rarely does a man ask to meet me. They all seem to want secret pen pal friendships which I find very strange. Lastly, out of the several hundred men that I have met. most of them had some kind of deal breaker problem that would definitely make me run in the other direction. Addictions and joblessness were among the most common deal breakers. I no longer recommend meeting online. It is a waste of time.
Sincerely,
Lisa
August 12, 2014 at 12:50 pm
Lisa
Lisa…often times we date the same guy over and over again because there is something we have to learn about ourselves by being with them. I spend a whole class on uncovering and identifying your patterns of men you date and what to do about it in Month 4 of The Fun Path to Mr. Right . Keep us posted on how dating is going. Lots of hugs~
I like the last part that you wrote in your answer. I think that basically it applies to all men and women and not just the over 50 crowd.
A lot of compatible men are online and in the real world but you girls tend to dismiss them in only a few seconds. A profile isn't even close to the real package anyway. 7 seconds? how can you know if he is the one in 7 seconds?
My advice is not to be so judemental and consider the ones you always dismiss. I think they are the ones who are probably more fun and more fulfilling as they do actualy have more of a personality to them than what you assume!
August 12, 2014 at 12:53 pm
Lisa
Mike…thank you for sharing the male perspective. And you're right no one knows in 7 seconds if someone is the one. All they know is whether they are attracted to them chemstry wise. That's it. For women, that chemistry can grow over time as she gets to know a guy. It's worth listening to Mike on this issue and it's for sure worth giving a nice guy a chance! Hugs to you Mike~
August 11, 2014 at 8:16 pm
Val
Melanie, remember that you are a beautiful person and deserve the best! The men who "poof" or do not respond are actually doing you a favor, since they would eventually prove to be not worth your time.
Regarding the sending of "smiles" … you may want to avoid making the first contact. Men enjoy the "chase" and no matter how gorgeous and accomplished you are, most men will lose interest if they do not have to put any effort into "finding" *you*. I used to do the same thing before I read in "The Rules for Online Dating" not to do this.
Lisa is so correct — as always — about the importance of having a profile and photo that appeal to men.
Take care and believe in YOU!
Val
August 12, 2014 at 12:55 pm
Lisa
Thank you Val for your insights and for the compliment. You sound AWESOME and I know some guy is going to be lucky to find you. 🙂 Hugs to you~
August 11, 2014 at 8:11 pm
Kristina Kirstin
Melanie seems to think that looks is the only thing that matters. Good relationships go much deeper than that. She starts out by saying that her friends say that she's pretty. Men look for way more than that. Looks only go so far. Maybe that's why the guy wasn't interested in asking her out. They may have had little in common.
August 12, 2014 at 12:57 pm
Lisa
Great pearls of wisdom Kristina. I so appreciate you sharing them. Men are interested in long term relationship with someone who is more than eye candy. That may appeal at first, but overtime, he'll get bored unless he sees a depth to a woman's beauty. Hugs to you~
August 11, 2014 at 6:58 pm
Susan
Melanie: I've had almost the same thing happen and it stung, but he did you a favor. He sounds like an idiot. You don't need and idiot. Men and women are driven by a lot more than their gender. A good person wants a good person and recognizes one when they see one. When it "clicks" and they are really ready, they don't let it get away. I have found that while all the "dating coachs" and others who want to market this crap to you all recommend online dating as the best way to meet people, I disagree. After all, I rarely buy shoes from a catalog, why would I want to find a mate from one? Get out there and do what you love to do. And find a girlfriend to join you so even if Mr. Right isn't at the event, you're not alone. Be in the world and thank God you aren't saddled with one of the losers misrepresenting themselves online. Sooner or later someone who you can get to know will come along. Really, nothing anyone can put on paper is as intresting as the journey of meeting someone, getting to know them naturally, and finding that despite what might turn you off online isn't even an issue when you know them in person. I'm going to be 57, I'm single, but I see online dating in the same way I see Facebook. It's the last resort and I never contact anyone or respond to their "flirts." If they want to meet me, they can send me a message, call me, and meet me. Good luck.
August 12, 2014 at 12:41 pm
Lisa
Love your shoe analogy and the catalogue Susan. To help you understand the reason I believe Online Dating is a great place to meet men is because TODAY it's the only natural place over 50's singles hang out. It's pretty hard to figure out who over 50's singles are in a bar and once you do, you need the flirting skills to go up to a guy which most women don't have. And because they don't know how…they don't go up and meet the guy. Keep getting those guys to write to you…guys who send flirts are usually not paying members…and keep us posted on your progress. Hugs to you~
August 12, 2014 at 10:46 pm
Susan
Lisa: I don't go to bars to meet men. I'm not much of a drinker. In fact, I never did. I am involved in my cultural community and my spiritual community, I take classes in things I'm interested in. I go to Meet Up events. I go to the gym. There's lots to do out there that are far more interesting than bars or sitting online going through profiles, most of which aren't honest. I'm amazed at some of the responses I've gotten to a posting online. It's as if the guys didn't even read it.
August 11, 2014 at 6:36 pm
Debbie k o r e l l
I too live in Florida and I agree that it’s hot. But going to the beach or pool is a part of life down here. First are you exercising to get more comfortable about your looks. Second spend the money to purchase a great swimsuit that hides lifts and supports pair it with a short skirt or wrap if necessary. Third. Stop comparing yourself to the sweet young things. How are you ever going to advance to a physical intimate relationship if you won’t even let him see you in a swim suit.
August 12, 2014 at 12:36 pm
Lisa
We can recognize our flaws and compensate by bringing out our best. You showed Melanie how. Thank you for your insights. Lots of hugs to you Debbie~
Comments are closed.
By browsing this website, you agree to our privacy policy.
August 12, 2014 at 12:39 am
Lisa
Hello Lisa,
I enjoy reading your articles and letters to others. However, I would like to state an observation of mine. I have been online meeting for many years now. I've met many men. Overall, my experience with online dating is very negative. I've always had a great profile and lots of requests to meet and tons of compliments. This all changed after I turned 52. Oh, I still get emails every now and then with the same kind of nice compliments. But, rarely does a man ask to meet me. They all seem to want secret pen pal friendships which I find very strange. Lastly, out of the several hundred men that I have met. most of them had some kind of deal breaker problem that would definitely make me run in the other direction. Addictions and joblessness were among the most common deal breakers. I no longer recommend meeting online. It is a waste of time.
Sincerely,
Lisa
August 12, 2014 at 12:50 pm
Lisa
Lisa…often times we date the same guy over and over again because there is something we have to learn about ourselves by being with them. I spend a whole class on uncovering and identifying your patterns of men you date and what to do about it in Month 4 of The Fun Path to Mr. Right . Keep us posted on how dating is going. Lots of hugs~
August 11, 2014 at 9:17 pm
Mike Bernsten
I like the last part that you wrote in your answer. I think that basically it applies to all men and women and not just the over 50 crowd.
A lot of compatible men are online and in the real world but you girls tend to dismiss them in only a few seconds. A profile isn't even close to the real package anyway. 7 seconds? how can you know if he is the one in 7 seconds?
My advice is not to be so judemental and consider the ones you always dismiss. I think they are the ones who are probably more fun and more fulfilling as they do actualy have more of a personality to them than what you assume!
August 12, 2014 at 12:53 pm
Lisa
Mike…thank you for sharing the male perspective. And you're right no one knows in 7 seconds if someone is the one. All they know is whether they are attracted to them chemstry wise. That's it. For women, that chemistry can grow over time as she gets to know a guy. It's worth listening to Mike on this issue and it's for sure worth giving a nice guy a chance! Hugs to you Mike~
August 11, 2014 at 8:16 pm
Val
Melanie, remember that you are a beautiful person and deserve the best! The men who "poof" or do not respond are actually doing you a favor, since they would eventually prove to be not worth your time.
Regarding the sending of "smiles" … you may want to avoid making the first contact. Men enjoy the "chase" and no matter how gorgeous and accomplished you are, most men will lose interest if they do not have to put any effort into "finding" *you*. I used to do the same thing before I read in "The Rules for Online Dating" not to do this.
Lisa is so correct — as always — about the importance of having a profile and photo that appeal to men.
Take care and believe in YOU!
Val
August 12, 2014 at 12:55 pm
Lisa
Thank you Val for your insights and for the compliment. You sound AWESOME and I know some guy is going to be lucky to find you. 🙂 Hugs to you~
August 11, 2014 at 8:11 pm
Kristina Kirstin
Melanie seems to think that looks is the only thing that matters. Good relationships go much deeper than that. She starts out by saying that her friends say that she's pretty. Men look for way more than that. Looks only go so far. Maybe that's why the guy wasn't interested in asking her out. They may have had little in common.
August 12, 2014 at 12:57 pm
Lisa
Great pearls of wisdom Kristina. I so appreciate you sharing them. Men are interested in long term relationship with someone who is more than eye candy. That may appeal at first, but overtime, he'll get bored unless he sees a depth to a woman's beauty. Hugs to you~
August 11, 2014 at 6:58 pm
Susan
Melanie: I've had almost the same thing happen and it stung, but he did you a favor. He sounds like an idiot. You don't need and idiot. Men and women are driven by a lot more than their gender. A good person wants a good person and recognizes one when they see one. When it "clicks" and they are really ready, they don't let it get away. I have found that while all the "dating coachs" and others who want to market this crap to you all recommend online dating as the best way to meet people, I disagree. After all, I rarely buy shoes from a catalog, why would I want to find a mate from one? Get out there and do what you love to do. And find a girlfriend to join you so even if Mr. Right isn't at the event, you're not alone. Be in the world and thank God you aren't saddled with one of the losers misrepresenting themselves online. Sooner or later someone who you can get to know will come along. Really, nothing anyone can put on paper is as intresting as the journey of meeting someone, getting to know them naturally, and finding that despite what might turn you off online isn't even an issue when you know them in person. I'm going to be 57, I'm single, but I see online dating in the same way I see Facebook. It's the last resort and I never contact anyone or respond to their "flirts." If they want to meet me, they can send me a message, call me, and meet me. Good luck.
August 12, 2014 at 12:41 pm
Lisa
Love your shoe analogy and the catalogue Susan. To help you understand the reason I believe Online Dating is a great place to meet men is because TODAY it's the only natural place over 50's singles hang out. It's pretty hard to figure out who over 50's singles are in a bar and once you do, you need the flirting skills to go up to a guy which most women don't have. And because they don't know how…they don't go up and meet the guy. Keep getting those guys to write to you…guys who send flirts are usually not paying members…and keep us posted on your progress. Hugs to you~
August 12, 2014 at 10:46 pm
Susan
Lisa: I don't go to bars to meet men. I'm not much of a drinker. In fact, I never did. I am involved in my cultural community and my spiritual community, I take classes in things I'm interested in. I go to Meet Up events. I go to the gym. There's lots to do out there that are far more interesting than bars or sitting online going through profiles, most of which aren't honest. I'm amazed at some of the responses I've gotten to a posting online. It's as if the guys didn't even read it.
August 11, 2014 at 6:36 pm
Debbie k o r e l l
I too live in Florida and I agree that it’s hot. But going to the beach or pool is a part of life down here. First are you exercising to get more comfortable about your looks. Second spend the money to purchase a great swimsuit that hides lifts and supports pair it with a short skirt or wrap if necessary. Third. Stop comparing yourself to the sweet young things. How are you ever going to advance to a physical intimate relationship if you won’t even let him see you in a swim suit.
August 12, 2014 at 12:36 pm
Lisa
We can recognize our flaws and compensate by bringing out our best. You showed Melanie how. Thank you for your insights. Lots of hugs to you Debbie~