Dear Lisa, Will Men Over 50 Want to Date Me?
This weekend, I saw the movie, The Hundred Foot Journey, with Helen Mirren. It’s a wonderful love story that is upbeat and worth seeing.
When it comes to finding a great guy, I love answering your questions. This week in Dear Lisa, you’ll discover what to do in uncomfortable dating situations, which men you don’t want to be dating and whether men over 50 will be into you.
If you have a question about your dating life, click the pretty pink button below and I’ll try and answer it next month in my Dear Lisa blog.
Have a fun dating week!
Lots of love and hugs to you~
Lisa
Dear Lisa, Will Men Over 50 Want To Date Me?
Dear Lisa,
I have a dilemma. There is this one guy whom I like, but lately he only seems to contact me when he needs something done. I mentioned this to him and he exhibited immature behavior. He can be rude, demanding, and arrogant at times. I told him that I would not allow him to treat me as such.
So I guess now he is in his cave… He claims he hasn’t had a woman in six years. I find it hard to believe, especially when he is on Facebook….Was I rude to tell him how I wanted to be treated. Kayla
Kayla,
Men usually say exactly what they mean and it’s no surprise he hasn’t been with a women in 6 years. You don’t need to put up with a man who uses you at his convenience. You want a man who wants to be in your life and makes you happy.
You can’t change this man. He is who he is. Go out and start dating men that want to be with you and whose personalities you like. They will be a better fit.
Dear Lisa,
I have a “geographical issue.” I live in central Florida where there are only 3 seasons, hot, hotter and hottest. Of course all the men here claim to be big on the outdoors and outdoor activities. Problem is, especially this time of year, it is soooo hot and humid that most of the things you can do outside will kill you. So everyone hits the beach or the pool. Lisa, I’m your average mid 50’s woman with a body to match. Sleeves and Spanx are my best friends. There is NO WAY for me to feel confident and at my best in a swimming suit. Especially with so many sweet, young things traipsing around in bikinis. I’ve turned down many invitations to go to the beach or pool. I know this may seem like a frivolous matter, but even you said we should have a couple of outfits ready that make us feel and look our best. How do you handle a situation where you know you’ll be at your worst??? Dahlia
Dahlia,
I’m sure everyone reading this feels your pain. Being in a bathing suit is probably one of our biggest nightmares for women of ALL AGES. That being said…how do you deal with an uncomfortable situation?
You share with him that you feel uncomfortable going to the beach or pool…it’s too hot and that you’d feel better going to dinner or a movie instead where its cooler.
An emotionally healthy man wants to make you happy. This means when he hears the words, “I feel uncomfortable,” he’s going to do something about it. A word of caution…if a man hears what you want as a demand versus a request, he won’t step up.
Demanding and whiny sound something like this, “I don’t feel like the beach, can’t we go somewhere else?” Want to get a great guy? You need to understand the language he speaks and hears.
Dear Lisa,
I have been on a dating site for over 6 months. My friends all say I am pretty. I’m in good shape and I know I have a lot to offer. I had several friends all read my profile and two have had a lot of luck on dating sites and say my profile is good.
So…. after all this time I have regularly sent out smiles to well over 100 men – all different ages, types as I am trying to be very open to meet new types of men. Well out of all that only 4 contacted me and out of the 4 only one did I feel like there was a spark.
We met for a drink and it lasted 5 1/2 hours. He texted me that night to make sure I got home ok, and told me what a great time he had. Texted me against the next evening to ask how my day was and we text talked briefly. He was having family come to town so I sent a 1-sentence text saying I hoped he had a great time with his family and then never heard from him again.
I left his profile up but accidentally blocked him when trying to delete others and embarrassingly wrote him an email saying I had done this and gave him my email in case he wanted to contact me in the future. He wrote back, a note which I’m assuming was a polite rejection, saying after we met he became very busy with family and work and the old its not you its me. It confuses me that he wrote to tell the truth I wasn’t expecting a reply but then thought perhaps it was to ensure I didn’t contact him again. OK. But is that strange?
I haven’t dated in many years and it is my first shot at internet dating and I find it extremely depressing. I find it makes me feel like a loser when I didn’t feel that way at all before.
I know women in their 50’s have a hard time as men around their age all want younger but other than this one man the other men were all almost 70. And with such a non-response is this really all I can expect from online dating at my age? Thanks so much. Melanie
Melanie,
When it comes to Online Dating, your profile has to be one that appeals to men. Your girlfriends may like it but that doesn’t mean a man will.
If you want good men to contact you online, you need to know exactly what to put in your profile that captures their interest…a detail worth checking out that is covered in Class #1 of The Fun Path To Mr. Right.
As for your 5 hour date, guys can and do hang with you for hours even though they have no intention of ever asking you out again. They can totally enjoy your company for an afternoon.
If a man is interested in you, he’ll ask you out right then or shortly after the date. Even with family coming in town, if he wanted to pursue you…he would have made a date with you happen after they left.
There is a myth that older men only want younger women. Some men try out younger women but once they find out they have nothing in common, they’ll head back to women closer to their age. Lots of good guys in their 50’s are online who have a far broader age range that even goes over their own age.
The problem is you may not think they are okay based only on their picture and profile. A man’s personality is integral to your attraction factor so if a guy who writes you seems nice, give him a chance.
Melanie, you’re not a loser. You just haven’t gotten the tricks and tools to get the guy or how to stick with dating when it gets tough. And you’re not alone. I’m here to support you and that’s why I write these blogs and offer different types of coaching and programs to give you what it takes to find the man of your dreams.
Until next time~
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
#1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon
Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here
#2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group
It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here
#3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program
I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.
If you are interested in learning more about how I can help, you can Click here to answer a few quick questions and schedule a call.
#4: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Click here to explore my YouTube channel for valuable tips on dating and relationships after 50! Discover insights that will empower you to attract the right partner with confidence.
Copyright© 2024 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.
I too live in Florida and I agree that it’s hot. But going to the beach or pool is a part of life down here. First are you exercising to get more comfortable about your looks. Second spend the money to purchase a great swimsuit that hides lifts and supports pair it with a short skirt or wrap if necessary. Third. Stop comparing yourself to the sweet young things. How are you ever going to advance to a physical intimate relationship if you won’t even let him see you in a swim suit.
We can recognize our flaws and compensate by bringing out our best. You showed Melanie how. Thank you for your insights. Lots of hugs to you Debbie~
Melanie: I've had almost the same thing happen and it stung, but he did you a favor. He sounds like an idiot. You don't need and idiot. Men and women are driven by a lot more than their gender. A good person wants a good person and recognizes one when they see one. When it "clicks" and they are really ready, they don't let it get away. I have found that while all the "dating coachs" and others who want to market this crap to you all recommend online dating as the best way to meet people, I disagree. After all, I rarely buy shoes from a catalog, why would I want to find a mate from one? Get out there and do what you love to do. And find a girlfriend to join you so even if Mr. Right isn't at the event, you're not alone. Be in the world and thank God you aren't saddled with one of the losers misrepresenting themselves online. Sooner or later someone who you can get to know will come along. Really, nothing anyone can put on paper is as intresting as the journey of meeting someone, getting to know them naturally, and finding that despite what might turn you off online isn't even an issue when you know them in person. I'm going to be 57, I'm single, but I see online dating in the same way I see Facebook. It's the last resort and I never contact anyone or respond to their "flirts." If they want to meet me, they can send me a message, call me, and meet me. Good luck.
Love your shoe analogy and the catalogue Susan. To help you understand the reason I believe Online Dating is a great place to meet men is because TODAY it's the only natural place over 50's singles hang out. It's pretty hard to figure out who over 50's singles are in a bar and once you do, you need the flirting skills to go up to a guy which most women don't have. And because they don't know how…they don't go up and meet the guy. Keep getting those guys to write to you…guys who send flirts are usually not paying members…and keep us posted on your progress. Hugs to you~
Lisa: I don't go to bars to meet men. I'm not much of a drinker. In fact, I never did. I am involved in my cultural community and my spiritual community, I take classes in things I'm interested in. I go to Meet Up events. I go to the gym. There's lots to do out there that are far more interesting than bars or sitting online going through profiles, most of which aren't honest. I'm amazed at some of the responses I've gotten to a posting online. It's as if the guys didn't even read it.
Melanie seems to think that looks is the only thing that matters. Good relationships go much deeper than that. She starts out by saying that her friends say that she's pretty. Men look for way more than that. Looks only go so far. Maybe that's why the guy wasn't interested in asking her out. They may have had little in common.
Great pearls of wisdom Kristina. I so appreciate you sharing them. Men are interested in long term relationship with someone who is more than eye candy. That may appeal at first, but overtime, he'll get bored unless he sees a depth to a woman's beauty. Hugs to you~
Melanie, remember that you are a beautiful person and deserve the best! The men who "poof" or do not respond are actually doing you a favor, since they would eventually prove to be not worth your time.
Regarding the sending of "smiles" … you may want to avoid making the first contact. Men enjoy the "chase" and no matter how gorgeous and accomplished you are, most men will lose interest if they do not have to put any effort into "finding" *you*. I used to do the same thing before I read in "The Rules for Online Dating" not to do this.
Lisa is so correct — as always — about the importance of having a profile and photo that appeal to men.
Take care and believe in YOU!
Val
Thank you Val for your insights and for the compliment. You sound AWESOME and I know some guy is going to be lucky to find you. 🙂 Hugs to you~
I like the last part that you wrote in your answer. I think that basically it applies to all men and women and not just the over 50 crowd.
A lot of compatible men are online and in the real world but you girls tend to dismiss them in only a few seconds. A profile isn't even close to the real package anyway. 7 seconds? how can you know if he is the one in 7 seconds?
My advice is not to be so judemental and consider the ones you always dismiss. I think they are the ones who are probably more fun and more fulfilling as they do actualy have more of a personality to them than what you assume!
Mike…thank you for sharing the male perspective. And you're right no one knows in 7 seconds if someone is the one. All they know is whether they are attracted to them chemstry wise. That's it. For women, that chemistry can grow over time as she gets to know a guy. It's worth listening to Mike on this issue and it's for sure worth giving a nice guy a chance! Hugs to you Mike~
Hello Lisa,
I enjoy reading your articles and letters to others. However, I would like to state an observation of mine. I have been online meeting for many years now. I've met many men. Overall, my experience with online dating is very negative. I've always had a great profile and lots of requests to meet and tons of compliments. This all changed after I turned 52. Oh, I still get emails every now and then with the same kind of nice compliments. But, rarely does a man ask to meet me. They all seem to want secret pen pal friendships which I find very strange. Lastly, out of the several hundred men that I have met. most of them had some kind of deal breaker problem that would definitely make me run in the other direction. Addictions and joblessness were among the most common deal breakers. I no longer recommend meeting online. It is a waste of time.
Sincerely,
Lisa
Lisa…often times we date the same guy over and over again because there is something we have to learn about ourselves by being with them. I spend a whole class on uncovering and identifying your patterns of men you date and what to do about it in Month 4 of The Fun Path to Mr. Right . Keep us posted on how dating is going. Lots of hugs~