Why Is Dating Over 50 So Hard?
Coaching women over 50 about dating, I’m often asked this question…
Why has dating become so damn hard?
I believe it’s because dating has become an activity we endure, versus one we enjoy.
We treat dating like we treat a job interview. We exchange resumes.
We look the person up and down and in less than 10 minutes – the time it takes to drink a cup of coffee – we decide whether or not this person is our next spouse or committed partner.
What a pressure cooker this is…ultimately leaving us with the feeling there is no one out there to date.
Yet there are millions of men and women looking for partners daily, so what’s going on? Why can’t men and women find each other? It’s simple.
They are dating to mate, rather than dating to date.
I can’t begin to tell you the number of times I’ve heard, “I just know whether he’s ‘the one’ within the first 3 minutes of meeting him.”
There is no way this is possible.
You may know whether you’re initially attracted to him but that’s it. And by the way, for women, attraction can grow over time when you get to really know a man, even when it’s initially not present on a first date.
Using this 3-minute philosophy, you can end up missing a lot of good, quality men.
Dating can be a lot of fun if you can switch to the idea of dating to date. This means go on dates with the only objective being having fun getting to know a new and interesting man.
We did this as kids when we hung out with our potential boyfriends. We didn’t sit around thinking, Is he the one? We just enjoyed each other’s company and let it flow into the relationships we created.
When you date to date, you may not secure a mate right away… of course, that’s not happening for you as you date to mate either… but you could end up with male friends who offer you companionship when you want it. And over time, you may fall for a man who has become your friend because the foundation for any solid relationship is friendship.
It could end up being the best relationship and one you would have missed by making that quick, 3-minute decision on your first date.
The other reason dating can make you so miserable is because often you don’t give men a chance unless they meet your standards of perfection. That’s why they aren’t measuring up to in those first 3 minutes.
I’ve heard so many women describe their ideal man as one who is fit, one who eats a certain way, and one who has a particular job. A fit man may look good but it doesn’t mean he’ll make a good mate for you.
The guy with the belly could stand to lose a couple of pounds, and yet he might be the guy who could light up your life every day and make you very happy if you give him a chance.
Instead of just using physical characteristics as the sole basis for finding someone, think about how you want to feel around a man.
Because ultimately, you want to feel happy inside when you’re with the one you finally choose. And that has nothing to do with how he exercises or eats. It has to do with how he treats you.
Tell us in the comments how you want to be treated…
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
#1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon
Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here
#2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group
It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here
#3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program
I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.
If you are interested in learning more about how I can help, you can Click here to answer a few quick questions and schedule a call.
#4: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Click here to explore my YouTube channel for valuable tips on dating and relationships after 50! Discover insights that will empower you to attract the right partner with confidence.
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Yes Lisa , you are right to a point. Dating should be fun but often is a stressful chore. Here, potential mates are few and far between, adding more stress knowing you may not meet someone else compatible for a very long time if you “blow it” on a date. True, It’s not just looks but how he treats you. Yes, attraction can grow, to a point. Having just got back on line after a two year hiatus, I am seeing that 50+ women are held to a higher standard, looks-wise, than are same aged men. No column tells men to settle for a large bellied (or hipped, or heavy legged) woman or any other trait he finds undesirable. Yet no matter how well many of us older women practice good self care, stay in good shape (50 is the new 30), we are expected to accept far less. Please do not take offense, but the reason many of us older chix want a fit, healthy man is pure biology and common sense. True, the big bellied guy may treat you like a princess but sadly he’s not likely to be around very long.
I want him to treat me with respect, to be honest with me, to make eye contact when we talk. I want him to appreciate my intelligence. I want him to surprise me periodically with an email, a phone call, a flower, just to let me know he’s thinking of me. I want him to hold my hand.
Well, you may be right, but Ii is not easy to be sexually attracted to men who are carrying a 5 to 9 month pregnancy ahead of them. Women are also more likely to live longer then their male counterpart. So with every 10 extra pound the likelyhood of having a second career as a nurse increases. This is why we are more attracted to healthy man.
I also think that over 50 women do not need a father for their children, many of us do not need the extra income or financial benefit of being in a couple
So a men in our life has to be a plus in a different and so do we. Very few adult fifty something are either ready for this or can find the right person
So true Beatrice. A year ago, I watched my father, last of family slowly die from obesity related causes. Actually, in total, it was an 18 year journey, one entirely preventable. This wasnt like cancer, an accident, this was the result of decades of deliberate bad decisions. I was his sole caretaker, albeit from a distance. Since his passing, I thought I could enjoy the summer, go home and spend time the way I want to but the bills still keep coming in, limiting my ability to socialize, meet someone compatible or to put money into upgrading my home so I can get somewhere with better prospects. Ironically, my dad hated heavy women and most of his socialization was flirting with younger, attractive nurses. So yep, when I read that perhaps my only choice is to risk going thru that journey all over again, I balk big time. I feel badly for these dudes that constantly hit on you and cannot figure out why we reject them. Men too, have to BE the person they want to date. You’re right; men in our life now need to enhance, not burden, the lives we’ve already made for ourselves. I hate not having a partner; I’d really like to love and be loved again, be held, have a sex life, be able to celebrate a blasted holiday with a loved one, but at what cost?