Tom
Done all the info gathering and I am really not going to be able to bail for 7 more years, till I am 60. Seriously educated, well read, organic farming, eco chick in a former mining town that has many drug and anti education issues. Take care of an elderly parent from a distance, the last of family, so I need the job. Already have retirement farm paid off and am hoping that although that place is more rural, it also lacks the negative stigma that this places has. Ironically, its in the upper Midwest. Spent lots of time in Madtown, trying to get collective bargaining rights for UW faculty and staff. Literally 4 major flight paths intersect over my mountains here; flyover country indeed. The barriers I put up are to exclude men that are not going to work, from past experience and to also exclude those that could be downright harmful. Look up “Vonnies Law” on line; she was a friend of mine, to give you some idea what women face here. A lot of the problem I see here is a total tolerance for really crap behavior on the part of both men and women in the name of”western freedom”. Screw freedom. I’ll take dignity and decency any day, eh?
Miigwetch (thanks)
Noquay
October 23, 2013 at 1:06 am
Tom again
You sound like you’re in flyover country, 100mi wow… any chance of moving? I’m in a pretty fun 50s locale overall – Wisconsin (lots of drinking events!).
Hang in there kitty… as we both appear to put up too many barriers, and yet I too ‘want that sort of life back, not this’.
Lisa advises a few platonic dates to make up for our lack of Looks/Skills at this age, my Game buddies say go Bad Boy because women cast you in a permanent nondesirable “Nice mold” if you’re platonic.
I am too pissed at this feature of women’s double standards, ‘training you Nice but lusting Bad, that I can’t further go there (Nice)anymore.
October 18, 2013 at 9:48 pm
noquay
Tom
First of all, I sympathize with the gold digger plight. My best friend is in the same situation and I really feel for him. Ironically, I am often criticised because I am the polar opposite of a gold digger. Educated, well paying job, own my own homes, stays in shape, presents herself well; no deadbeat. Getting into shape etc is good, you will also have to heal inside. It takes a s@#$load of time. We older chix do respect good men; the issue is that finding men deserving of respect is hard. Hear me out; would you respect anyone who doesn’t pay their bills, drinks excessively, makes racist remarks, doesn’t take care of themselves, has zero desire to improve oneself or care about others? I doubt it. I have to drive 100+ miles one way to meet even remotely decent older men with whom I can have a connection with. Since my “bad boy” incident, a colleague who essentially led a double life with another woman and strung me along for two damn years, has guaranteed that I from now on, do not invest emotionally, nor trust for a long time. However, we women really do need to have a great deal of both emotional and physical attraction to a man before even a casual relationship. Its how we are wired. As much as we are told to settle for less, it just plain doesn’t work. Some days I feel as though I wish I could kill all need for the companionship of others, some days I truly feel like killing myself. We womyn too are tired of the lies, the using, the incredible selfishness, the double standards, the crap. Unlike you, Tom, I lost a wonderful marriage, to a wonderful man who was in all ways my equal due to my life being threatened because of my research, kinda weird. I want that sort of life back, not this.
October 17, 2013 at 3:30 am
Tom again
Noted, and empathize. After failing in many respects by sacrificing nearly everything being a Loyal Provider to the ultimate Golddigger wannabe, I’m now in great shape, sexually and intellectually there, and have many of the attributes but trending to bad boy because women don’t respect better men… but appreciate your middle road view.
I think the answer is a no-expectations relationship once these screens are in place for each gender. Pretty much open relationship where your heart does not come out but you earn out trust with time. No boyfriend girlfriend stuff. Lisa stresses this at times. Its part Clooneyesque, and partly the fact that we really don’t have any more Long Term for any relationship left… honestly given our long lives’ baggage (the times of our life have largely been lived with other(s)). A Proper Mental Attitude is needed to be drilled in our brains.
October 14, 2013 at 8:02 pm
Noquay
Speaking as one seriously burned by a “bad boy” a few years ago and still not quite over the situation, I can attest that unfortunately, a good many of the traits of the over 50 dudes we are meeting on line and IRL is exactly WHY the bad boys look so good. Ol’ George gets his pick of hot chix whereas we women in the same age bracket and often in the same league of looks get inundated with the same out of shape, un/undereducated, un/underemployed schlubs and are told time and time again that is all we are worth. We are going to gravitate toward someone with whom we can have an intelligent conversation, who has social skills so that one can take him to meet friends without worrying about what’s going to come out of his mouth, whom we are attracted to physically (I know, men have no problem having sex with a women they have no attraction to; most women cannot even respond physically, at all, if the man is unattractive), we want a man whose reading material goes beyond the Cabella’s catalog, who isn’t glued to a television set, who is actually present. Men want women who are fit, look good, that they are proud to be seen with, who are not financial or emotional drains, take care of themselves; great, but that means the MEN must be those things too. Nice guys take note.
October 23, 2013 at 9:01 am
noquay
Tom
Done all the info gathering and I am really not going to be able to bail for 7 more years, till I am 60. Seriously educated, well read, organic farming, eco chick in a former mining town that has many drug and anti education issues. Take care of an elderly parent from a distance, the last of family, so I need the job. Already have retirement farm paid off and am hoping that although that place is more rural, it also lacks the negative stigma that this places has. Ironically, its in the upper Midwest. Spent lots of time in Madtown, trying to get collective bargaining rights for UW faculty and staff. Literally 4 major flight paths intersect over my mountains here; flyover country indeed. The barriers I put up are to exclude men that are not going to work, from past experience and to also exclude those that could be downright harmful. Look up “Vonnies Law” on line; she was a friend of mine, to give you some idea what women face here. A lot of the problem I see here is a total tolerance for really crap behavior on the part of both men and women in the name of”western freedom”. Screw freedom. I’ll take dignity and decency any day, eh?
Miigwetch (thanks)
Noquay
October 23, 2013 at 1:06 am
Tom again
You sound like you’re in flyover country, 100mi wow… any chance of moving? I’m in a pretty fun 50s locale overall – Wisconsin (lots of drinking events!).
Hang in there kitty… as we both appear to put up too many barriers, and yet I too ‘want that sort of life back, not this’.
Lisa advises a few platonic dates to make up for our lack of Looks/Skills at this age, my Game buddies say go Bad Boy because women cast you in a permanent nondesirable “Nice mold” if you’re platonic.
I am too pissed at this feature of women’s double standards, ‘training you Nice but lusting Bad, that I can’t further go there (Nice)anymore.
October 18, 2013 at 9:48 pm
noquay
Tom
First of all, I sympathize with the gold digger plight. My best friend is in the same situation and I really feel for him. Ironically, I am often criticised because I am the polar opposite of a gold digger. Educated, well paying job, own my own homes, stays in shape, presents herself well; no deadbeat. Getting into shape etc is good, you will also have to heal inside. It takes a s@#$load of time. We older chix do respect good men; the issue is that finding men deserving of respect is hard. Hear me out; would you respect anyone who doesn’t pay their bills, drinks excessively, makes racist remarks, doesn’t take care of themselves, has zero desire to improve oneself or care about others? I doubt it. I have to drive 100+ miles one way to meet even remotely decent older men with whom I can have a connection with. Since my “bad boy” incident, a colleague who essentially led a double life with another woman and strung me along for two damn years, has guaranteed that I from now on, do not invest emotionally, nor trust for a long time. However, we women really do need to have a great deal of both emotional and physical attraction to a man before even a casual relationship. Its how we are wired. As much as we are told to settle for less, it just plain doesn’t work. Some days I feel as though I wish I could kill all need for the companionship of others, some days I truly feel like killing myself. We womyn too are tired of the lies, the using, the incredible selfishness, the double standards, the crap. Unlike you, Tom, I lost a wonderful marriage, to a wonderful man who was in all ways my equal due to my life being threatened because of my research, kinda weird. I want that sort of life back, not this.
October 17, 2013 at 3:30 am
Tom again
Noted, and empathize. After failing in many respects by sacrificing nearly everything being a Loyal Provider to the ultimate Golddigger wannabe, I’m now in great shape, sexually and intellectually there, and have many of the attributes but trending to bad boy because women don’t respect better men… but appreciate your middle road view.
I think the answer is a no-expectations relationship once these screens are in place for each gender. Pretty much open relationship where your heart does not come out but you earn out trust with time. No boyfriend girlfriend stuff. Lisa stresses this at times. Its part Clooneyesque, and partly the fact that we really don’t have any more Long Term for any relationship left… honestly given our long lives’ baggage (the times of our life have largely been lived with other(s)). A Proper Mental Attitude is needed to be drilled in our brains.
October 14, 2013 at 8:02 pm
Noquay
Speaking as one seriously burned by a “bad boy” a few years ago and still not quite over the situation, I can attest that unfortunately, a good many of the traits of the over 50 dudes we are meeting on line and IRL is exactly WHY the bad boys look so good. Ol’ George gets his pick of hot chix whereas we women in the same age bracket and often in the same league of looks get inundated with the same out of shape, un/undereducated, un/underemployed schlubs and are told time and time again that is all we are worth. We are going to gravitate toward someone with whom we can have an intelligent conversation, who has social skills so that one can take him to meet friends without worrying about what’s going to come out of his mouth, whom we are attracted to physically (I know, men have no problem having sex with a women they have no attraction to; most women cannot even respond physically, at all, if the man is unattractive), we want a man whose reading material goes beyond the Cabella’s catalog, who isn’t glued to a television set, who is actually present. Men want women who are fit, look good, that they are proud to be seen with, who are not financial or emotional drains, take care of themselves; great, but that means the MEN must be those things too. Nice guys take note.