I have the issue of men contacting me on dating sites, who are sooo outside my profile/what I’m looking for. It seems that they are contacting me based on my photos alone, and not reading my information.
I know it’s good to date outside your comfort zone, but when 75 and 80 year old guys contact me (I’m 60), I get annoyed. How about the ones with only high school diplomas? (I have two masters degrees.)
December 10, 2013 at 10:29 pm
noquay
This is really common. This is why I bail out of on line half the year. I have a doctorate, two other degrees, and am pretty up front about my ultrarunning, staunch liberalism and environmentalism. So I am innundated with obese high school dropouts who worship Ayn Rand. Go figure.They are only looking at your photos, I call this RTFP (read the f@#$%&* profile) syndrome. Illiteracy in over 50 men may be much more prevalent. I dunno. For some reason guys do not care what we want in terms of background, education, etc. They think they’re perfect for us even though they are the exact opposite of what we want. Some guys, the desperate ones, contact anyone and everyone hoping for a response.
December 10, 2013 at 10:45 pm
noquay
Ann
Something else. Be proactive, troll the site you are on and actually SEE if there aremen that you’d be OK with. Some sites, in some regions, are pretty much devoid of the sort of men we seek. If you find some, you contact them. I realize many blogs say not to do so, men are supposed to be the pursuers, but what do you have to lose? Sticking with dudes that are interested but wrong for you isn’t going to work either. If your trolling leads to not finding any men even remotely interesting, leave the site for 6 months, get on another and repeat. Like I stated in my first rant, I am not at all sure on line works for finding educated, socially adept, better quality men.
December 11, 2013 at 6:50 am
Ann
Great advice. You’ve summed up the situation in a nutshell. It also helps explain why I get lots of first dates and no call backs. Yes, Virginia, I am true to my profile, had you read it! Off to the art gallery– better than the Rogues’ Gallery!
December 9, 2013 at 6:15 pm
noquay
Sorry about the typos and spacing errors, soing this on a smartphone, cannot see more than two lines of type at a time and impossible to scroll up/down. Frustrating.
December 9, 2013 at 6:11 pm
noquay
Yep, Lisa that was good advice, severely limit emails and phone communication. Some guys are merely looking for pen pals, some know they have something to hide. Wasted a month communicating and some 500 miles of driving on a dude that had far better photos than he looked IRL. His photos and life seemed a perfect match: had a PhD like me, was a biologist, like me, formed environmental policy. IRL he was 50 lbs heavier than his pics, was horribly out of breath walking one block on the level, and had really poor social skills to the point of being offensive. A few emails, one phone call to check out his voice, look for anything weird, that’s it. Guys that want someone on their doorstep should not even bother contacting anyone else, it gives one false hopes and is in a way, cruel. If you cannot be bothered to see me at least half way, dont even bother emailing.
As much as we push on line these days, my experience has been that it does not work well for educated women looking for an equal. I find it is really more for middle of the road, middle to lower income, middle class lifestyle folk without a lot of formal education, at least in the 50-70 range. It could be that men in this age range just never got educations. I am similar the 60 year oldposter, senior level academic, fit, long black hair, exotic looks, a doctorate, supposedly looks younger than my 53 years and what you get almost exclusively on line are guys far less educated (high school) with a corresponding lifestyle (not so much money as interests). Its a very unequal playing field, lots of high end women, much fewer men in the same place. Most guys on the low education end are not going be happy long term with a female who reads rather than watches TV, outearns them big time, is into art, culture, environmental stuff, is active and prominenet in the community, meaning the guy will have to attend events requiring him to dress up and class up. In this community, a major issue is that most older uneducated men are looking for a meal ticket and do not care about the woman at all. A good friend of mine just lost her job because her less educated and socially inept spouse made inapproriate remarks to the wrong people at a high end work related event. A fellow academic,or professional would have known better, this poor dude did not. She outearned him by a factor of 10; his wages will not support their children, not by a long shot. I too had to dump a guy in a similar life situation because he made inappropriate remarks about colleagues and would discuss strictly confidential professional business (learned second hand, not from me)with guys he met at the bar. He had no clue this was wrong. Generally by their 50s+, most guys are pretty set in their lives. I would suggest meeting men IRL in the right places (avoid bars, clubs, stick to arts events, races if an athlete as athletes tend to be better educated, charity events, stuff that attracts classy folk). In rural areas, this is really hard to do so constantly switching on line sites or travelling long distances to events are pretty much your only choices.
December 10, 2013 at 1:39 pm
Ann Buivid
I have the issue of men contacting me on dating sites, who are sooo outside my profile/what I’m looking for. It seems that they are contacting me based on my photos alone, and not reading my information.
I know it’s good to date outside your comfort zone, but when 75 and 80 year old guys contact me (I’m 60), I get annoyed. How about the ones with only high school diplomas? (I have two masters degrees.)
December 10, 2013 at 10:29 pm
noquay
This is really common. This is why I bail out of on line half the year. I have a doctorate, two other degrees, and am pretty up front about my ultrarunning, staunch liberalism and environmentalism. So I am innundated with obese high school dropouts who worship Ayn Rand. Go figure.They are only looking at your photos, I call this RTFP (read the f@#$%&* profile) syndrome. Illiteracy in over 50 men may be much more prevalent. I dunno. For some reason guys do not care what we want in terms of background, education, etc. They think they’re perfect for us even though they are the exact opposite of what we want. Some guys, the desperate ones, contact anyone and everyone hoping for a response.
December 10, 2013 at 10:45 pm
noquay
Ann
Something else. Be proactive, troll the site you are on and actually SEE if there aremen that you’d be OK with. Some sites, in some regions, are pretty much devoid of the sort of men we seek. If you find some, you contact them. I realize many blogs say not to do so, men are supposed to be the pursuers, but what do you have to lose? Sticking with dudes that are interested but wrong for you isn’t going to work either. If your trolling leads to not finding any men even remotely interesting, leave the site for 6 months, get on another and repeat. Like I stated in my first rant, I am not at all sure on line works for finding educated, socially adept, better quality men.
December 11, 2013 at 6:50 am
Ann
Great advice. You’ve summed up the situation in a nutshell. It also helps explain why I get lots of first dates and no call backs. Yes, Virginia, I am true to my profile, had you read it! Off to the art gallery– better than the Rogues’ Gallery!
December 9, 2013 at 6:15 pm
noquay
Sorry about the typos and spacing errors, soing this on a smartphone, cannot see more than two lines of type at a time and impossible to scroll up/down. Frustrating.
December 9, 2013 at 6:11 pm
noquay
Yep, Lisa that was good advice, severely limit emails and phone communication. Some guys are merely looking for pen pals, some know they have something to hide. Wasted a month communicating and some 500 miles of driving on a dude that had far better photos than he looked IRL. His photos and life seemed a perfect match: had a PhD like me, was a biologist, like me, formed environmental policy. IRL he was 50 lbs heavier than his pics, was horribly out of breath walking one block on the level, and had really poor social skills to the point of being offensive. A few emails, one phone call to check out his voice, look for anything weird, that’s it. Guys that want someone on their doorstep should not even bother contacting anyone else, it gives one false hopes and is in a way, cruel. If you cannot be bothered to see me at least half way, dont even bother emailing.
As much as we push on line these days, my experience has been that it does not work well for educated women looking for an equal. I find it is really more for middle of the road, middle to lower income, middle class lifestyle folk without a lot of formal education, at least in the 50-70 range. It could be that men in this age range just never got educations. I am similar the 60 year oldposter, senior level academic, fit, long black hair, exotic looks, a doctorate, supposedly looks younger than my 53 years and what you get almost exclusively on line are guys far less educated (high school) with a corresponding lifestyle (not so much money as interests). Its a very unequal playing field, lots of high end women, much fewer men in the same place. Most guys on the low education end are not going be happy long term with a female who reads rather than watches TV, outearns them big time, is into art, culture, environmental stuff, is active and prominenet in the community, meaning the guy will have to attend events requiring him to dress up and class up. In this community, a major issue is that most older uneducated men are looking for a meal ticket and do not care about the woman at all. A good friend of mine just lost her job because her less educated and socially inept spouse made inapproriate remarks to the wrong people at a high end work related event. A fellow academic,or professional would have known better, this poor dude did not. She outearned him by a factor of 10; his wages will not support their children, not by a long shot. I too had to dump a guy in a similar life situation because he made inappropriate remarks about colleagues and would discuss strictly confidential professional business (learned second hand, not from me)with guys he met at the bar. He had no clue this was wrong. Generally by their 50s+, most guys are pretty set in their lives. I would suggest meeting men IRL in the right places (avoid bars, clubs, stick to arts events, races if an athlete as athletes tend to be better educated, charity events, stuff that attracts classy folk). In rural areas, this is really hard to do so constantly switching on line sites or travelling long distances to events are pretty much your only choices.