When you’re trying to figure out if an over 50’s man is right for you . . .
Before working with a new client, I’ll ask her what it is she’s looking for in the man she’d like to share her life with.
Most women tell me they want to feel chemistry and immediate attraction to a man.
It’s a feeling they say.
They know if he’s the one right away.
I get it good looks are nice to come home to every day.
And chemistry . . . well, it just feels good!
But these two qualities don’t create long-term compatibility and that’s probably what you are looking for, right?
Both attraction and chemistry fade over time so something else needs to be there if you want your relationship to grow and go the long haul.
Here are some questions worth considering when you’re trying to decide whether or not a man who is not so cute is worth getting to know.
- Will he bring you soup when you’re sick?
- Will he stop at the store and get you what you need even if it is a bit out of the way?
- Will he bring you flowers and tell you “I love you” even when it’s not your birthday?
- Will he rearrange his schedule to drive you to the airport so you don’t have to hoist that suitcase out of your car or worry about parking before and after your trip?
- When you’ve had a hard day, will he rub your back or bring you a glass of wine and give you a much-needed hug?
- Or will he get up and do the dishes after dinner?
- And, most importantly, will he look in your eyes like you are the best thing that ever happened to him?
- And, when you’re dating, will he take your trash out to the curb so you don’t have to?
In our 20’s we were looking for a spouse to have children. That is where attraction and chemistry came from as the gauge for measuring a good man.
It didn’t always work.
In your 50’s and beyond, you want to look for more in a partner.
You want someone who is going to be your playmate in life yet more importantly someone who will be there during the tough times when you need each other.
I watched my father take care of my mother as she was dying.
He wiped her brow, took her to her chemo treatments, made her soup, and held her hand when she was scared.
My father is adorable!
Just ask my friends who think he’s amazing.
But he would never have been the most handsome man on the block and would probably have been passed over online by lots of women.
Yet it’s his kindness and the love he radiates from within that women, of all ages, adore about him once they get to know him.
I can’t deny looks are nice. They are.
But, next time you are reading those online profiles and you are thinking “Hmm, not so cute” – dig a little deeper and pay attention to what that man brings to the table other than his cuteness and chemistry.
If he writes that he’s kind, nice, loves his animals and his kids – even when he’s not the most handsome guy on a dating site, he still might be worth checking out.
Why?
Because he could have a wonderful heart that he wants to share with you.
He could be the man that just wants to make you happy.
And by combining his personality and his looks, well, he just might grow on you and become quite a hottie in your eyes.
The man you nearly passed over in the past, might be like my father was to my mother . . . cute, adorable, loving and most of all there for you through the thick and thin.
And that my friend. is the true mark of guaging a Quality Man.
Would love to hear what you think.
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
#1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon
Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here
#2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group
It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here
#3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program
I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.
If you are interested in learning more about how I can help, you can Click here to answer a few quick questions and schedule a call.
#4: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Click here to explore my YouTube channel for valuable tips on dating and relationships after 50! Discover insights that will empower you to attract the right partner with confidence.
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I had such a man. He passed away a few years ago and my heart is still breaking. If I had a dental apt he would ask if I wanted him to take off work to come with me….no..I’m just getting my teeth cleaned. 🙂
When diagnosed with cancer he asked if I wanted him to go to a hospital to die so I would not have bad memories in our home….of course not..I have loving memories of him being at home those last few days.
Oh yes, he happened to be quite good looking..just a bonus.
Please keep sending your emails. Someday I will be ready to find such a man again. The fact that you wrote of those qualities tells me that there are others out there. I just haven’t found one yet…maybe I’m not quite ready.
Thank you for sharing your story Ellen. You’re on the path to finding the “right” Mr. Right for you when you’re ready. Love and hugs~
You are absolutely right!
Thanks Maggie. Hugs~
Loved the input. Have several friends walking away from men who they “aren’t feeling it”.
I too get it. . . my late husband of 30 years was best friend but not my wow type. Had an amazing life together.
This time around got stuck in wanting high school feeling. But, the men with that affect ended up with divorce issues, and egos.
Do you have thoughts how to feel more,( attraction of a 5 vs 10)? How does one not compare what another person tells you met online sounds so good? What do you tell women waiting for look factor to be into him? It’s different than in 20’s! Thanks for thoughts
Lindy…to get unstuck from that high school feeling, I help my clients create a Quality Man Template that shows them what will make them happy in the long run. Chemistry feels good for a while but falls away over time. A good friendship and heart connection need to be behind it when it does. You can always have what I call practice relationships so you can experience the strong chemistry with someone to see how it goes so you don’t feel you’re missing out on something. BTW . . . as you get to know a man he can become more handsome to you and the chemistry can kick in. Reach out to me at Lisa@findaqualityman.com if you want to know more about how to figure out who will make you happy. Hugs~
this may be the single most impressive (and most needed) point to make when choosing a man that will go the distance. Packaging is nice, but it pales in comparison to qualities of the heart that translate to how a man treats the woman he loves. Keep saying it, Lisa! Many thanks. Rachel in Israel
Thank you Rachel. Glad it was so helpful. Hugs~
My brother introduced me to a guy. He is nice, and he is retired, had a home built after his divorce in a town that is for retirees and you have to have a lot of money to live there. I still was not attracted to him. I let him go. I told him I just wanted to be friends because he stated after two dates that he really liked me. I have to have an attraction. If I don’t have that right away, I am not interested in letting the relationship go any further. I have probably turned down a lot of men because of this. I am not talking about good looks. I mean that I have to have some kind of attraction for the guy as far as personality and what we have in common.
Andrea….Sometimes, it can take more than 2 dates for attraction to happen and for you to find out if more is possible. Is your attraction chemistry or common interests? Hugs~