Hi Lisa,
Many times I’ve heard and read the comment that men want to “keep you safe, protected, and provided for,” but my experience has not played out in that way in my significant /marital relationships. I was with a man from when I was 28 until 43 who didn’t ever seem to want to help me, though seemed to always need my help. And then, 5 years ago, at 49 I married a man, who’d previously been married for 31 years, who abandoned me after 4 years though I was very ill with rheumatoid arthritis and couldn’t do much physically. He said that I’d just wanted someone to take care of me and that I had no value in our relationship because I was no longer earning a wage. (He also had a habit of sexting former girlfriends.)
So…I’m struggling a bit in believing that the majority of men do want to be our heroes. My life hasn’t played out that way, and I’m feeling rather “gun-shy” about really getting back out there again. It’s been a year since he left, I’m physically much, much better, and I have posted my profile on both Match and OurTime, but don’t see very men in my area with profiles on the sites. I’m quite discouraged about the entire process!
I’d love to have my knight come riding in on his trusted steed. What do I need to do? Are there actually “dozens” of quality 50+ year-old men around? Where are they hiding? I’m 54…this is getting serious!
P.S. I live in rural Northern Alberta, almost 30 miles from a town of 60,000. The median age of men is 29 and the oil-and-gas industry dominates the employment picture with jobs “out in the field.”
March 24, 2017 at 10:20 am
Lisa
Hi Tammy…It sounds like you are attracting men who are still little boys and want their mama to take care of them. You want to attract men who are emotionally healthy and are men. These are the one’s who will be your knight in shining armor. Its great that you are only 30 miles from a town of 60,000. Make sure when you put your profile on a dating site that you check off boxes that say you’re open to meeting men 45 miles away. This should open up a door to a whole new group of men. Good luck! Big hugs~
March 12, 2017 at 3:46 pm
Laurie
Hi Lisa
Last night I went on a second date with a very nice man I recently met on POF I was comfortable enough to let him in my house. We were looking for a bottle open when I remembered that the draw was stuck and I couldn’t open it. I told him I needed some help and two minutes later it was open and we were happily drinking our drinks . He also held the car door open for me and helped me with my coat. And oh by the way he is 5’8″ As you know I told you I would never go out with any man shorter than 5’9 and felt that was compromising. Lisa I couldn’t stop thinking of you and all I learned from you on the entire date. From going on POF, to learning how to make a man feel needed to saying oh why not , 5’8″ isn’t that short. He is definitely one of the nicest men I have dated and we will be seeing each other again. Oh and all this while I was on hiatus from dating, have been contacting almost no men and responding judiciously if contacted. He contacted me with a very thoughtful note so I responded.
Lisa really knows her stuff. 🙂 Miss you and think of you often Laurie
March 12, 2017 at 3:50 pm
Lisa
Loved hearing your story Laurie. Men LOVE LOVE LOVE helping you! Good for you for allowing him to help and for dating him even though he is 5’8. As you know, how you feel around him not qualities like height are what might make him the perfect fit for you. So good hearing from you Laurie. Big hugs and love to you!!!!! P.S. Glad to hear you’re doing well and using everything from our group.
March 10, 2017 at 1:57 am
Maureen Brown
Yes I have a very helpful boyfriend. I have noticed he is getting less helpful. But is that because he has less need to impress me?
I do not want to depend too much on him in case the relationship end?
So why should this be the fault of the woman? are men so stupid?
March 10, 2017 at 11:12 am
Lisa
Make sure Maureen to always make him your hero so he wants to step up and help you. Are you taking on more and more? If so, you’re training him to do less. The secret is to continue making him your hero and allowing yourself to receive when he gives. Here’s a good analogy to think about…ever give a gift that someone rejected? We do this to men all the time when we don’t allow ourselves to let men do for us. Keep me posted on how its going. Big hugs~
March 9, 2017 at 2:36 pm
Kathy
Men are really pretty simple. They just want to be respected and needed. I have seen too many women emasculate a man in front of others, then they wonder why they can’t find a good man. I believe respect goes both ways. What are we really teaching our daughters at these “women’s rights” marches?
March 17, 2017 at 11:01 pm
Tammy Day
Hi Lisa,
Many times I’ve heard and read the comment that men want to “keep you safe, protected, and provided for,” but my experience has not played out in that way in my significant /marital relationships. I was with a man from when I was 28 until 43 who didn’t ever seem to want to help me, though seemed to always need my help. And then, 5 years ago, at 49 I married a man, who’d previously been married for 31 years, who abandoned me after 4 years though I was very ill with rheumatoid arthritis and couldn’t do much physically. He said that I’d just wanted someone to take care of me and that I had no value in our relationship because I was no longer earning a wage. (He also had a habit of sexting former girlfriends.)
So…I’m struggling a bit in believing that the majority of men do want to be our heroes. My life hasn’t played out that way, and I’m feeling rather “gun-shy” about really getting back out there again. It’s been a year since he left, I’m physically much, much better, and I have posted my profile on both Match and OurTime, but don’t see very men in my area with profiles on the sites. I’m quite discouraged about the entire process!
I’d love to have my knight come riding in on his trusted steed. What do I need to do? Are there actually “dozens” of quality 50+ year-old men around? Where are they hiding? I’m 54…this is getting serious!
P.S. I live in rural Northern Alberta, almost 30 miles from a town of 60,000. The median age of men is 29 and the oil-and-gas industry dominates the employment picture with jobs “out in the field.”
March 24, 2017 at 10:20 am
Lisa
Hi Tammy…It sounds like you are attracting men who are still little boys and want their mama to take care of them. You want to attract men who are emotionally healthy and are men. These are the one’s who will be your knight in shining armor. Its great that you are only 30 miles from a town of 60,000. Make sure when you put your profile on a dating site that you check off boxes that say you’re open to meeting men 45 miles away. This should open up a door to a whole new group of men. Good luck! Big hugs~
March 12, 2017 at 3:46 pm
Laurie
Hi Lisa
Last night I went on a second date with a very nice man I recently met on POF I was comfortable enough to let him in my house. We were looking for a bottle open when I remembered that the draw was stuck and I couldn’t open it. I told him I needed some help and two minutes later it was open and we were happily drinking our drinks . He also held the car door open for me and helped me with my coat. And oh by the way he is 5’8″ As you know I told you I would never go out with any man shorter than 5’9 and felt that was compromising. Lisa I couldn’t stop thinking of you and all I learned from you on the entire date. From going on POF, to learning how to make a man feel needed to saying oh why not , 5’8″ isn’t that short. He is definitely one of the nicest men I have dated and we will be seeing each other again. Oh and all this while I was on hiatus from dating, have been contacting almost no men and responding judiciously if contacted. He contacted me with a very thoughtful note so I responded.
Lisa really knows her stuff. 🙂 Miss you and think of you often Laurie
March 12, 2017 at 3:50 pm
Lisa
Loved hearing your story Laurie. Men LOVE LOVE LOVE helping you! Good for you for allowing him to help and for dating him even though he is 5’8. As you know, how you feel around him not qualities like height are what might make him the perfect fit for you. So good hearing from you Laurie. Big hugs and love to you!!!!! P.S. Glad to hear you’re doing well and using everything from our group.
March 10, 2017 at 1:57 am
Maureen Brown
Yes I have a very helpful boyfriend. I have noticed he is getting less helpful. But is that because he has less need to impress me?
I do not want to depend too much on him in case the relationship end?
So why should this be the fault of the woman? are men so stupid?
March 10, 2017 at 11:12 am
Lisa
Make sure Maureen to always make him your hero so he wants to step up and help you. Are you taking on more and more? If so, you’re training him to do less. The secret is to continue making him your hero and allowing yourself to receive when he gives. Here’s a good analogy to think about…ever give a gift that someone rejected? We do this to men all the time when we don’t allow ourselves to let men do for us. Keep me posted on how its going. Big hugs~
March 9, 2017 at 2:36 pm
Kathy
Men are really pretty simple. They just want to be respected and needed. I have seen too many women emasculate a man in front of others, then they wonder why they can’t find a good man. I believe respect goes both ways. What are we really teaching our daughters at these “women’s rights” marches?