I 100% agree that real, emotional intimacy and friendship are more important than chemistry and physical intimacy. And yes, that intimacy takes time to grow. Maybe a longer time for me—I’m an introvert and tend to be cautious about opening up to people. To me, sex is a very intimate expression of an emotional intimacy between two people.
The problem I’m finding is that so many guys are in a hurry and are not really willing to invest the time required to develop real closeness—they are more focused on getting to the bedroom, for “good loving,” as one guy I dated put it. And yeah, I can understand that if they are paying for dates, they–perhaps reasonably–expect some sort of payback. With one guy I dated a few times and kind of liked, I offered to split the tab (on our third date, I think it was)—and never heard from him again.
The ideal situation would be to meet men in a neutral group setting where you can get to know each other without any of the usual expectations on either side, and then turn it into a dating relationship if you are developing a liking for each other. But those situations are hard to come by.
September 14, 2017 at 8:56 am
Lisa
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. The 3rd date guy may have thought you friend zoned him by offering to pay. You can meet men in real life. I have a program that teaches you how to meet men in your local area and how to have fun doing it. Click here to find out more about this Training.
September 13, 2017 at 8:24 pm
Brunnehilde
I 100% agree that real, emotional intimacy and friendship are more important than chemistry and physical intimacy. And yes, that intimacy takes time to grow. Maybe a longer time for me—I’m an introvert and tend to be cautious about opening up to people. To me, sex is a very intimate expression of an emotional intimacy between two people.
The problem I’m finding is that so many guys are in a hurry and are not really willing to invest the time required to develop real closeness—they are more focused on getting to the bedroom, for “good loving,” as one guy I dated put it. And yeah, I can understand that if they are paying for dates, they–perhaps reasonably–expect some sort of payback. With one guy I dated a few times and kind of liked, I offered to split the tab (on our third date, I think it was)—and never heard from him again.
The ideal situation would be to meet men in a neutral group setting where you can get to know each other without any of the usual expectations on either side, and then turn it into a dating relationship if you are developing a liking for each other. But those situations are hard to come by.
September 14, 2017 at 8:56 am
Lisa
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. The 3rd date guy may have thought you friend zoned him by offering to pay. You can meet men in real life. I have a program that teaches you how to meet men in your local area and how to have fun doing it. Click here to find out more about this Training.