Is Religion An Issue For An Over 50’s Relationship?
I hope you had a great week. Mine was a bit tough. My dog, Levi, decided to eat a half-pound bag of dark chocolate Hershey Kisses. He ended up in the doggie ER and I ended up with a huge bill and a lot of irritation.
I shared with my sister how irritated I was and pondered over whether this doggie-human relationship was worth visits to the doggie ER and the damage he has done – scratching window sills, burying bones in leather chairs that scratched, etc.
My sister said to me, “Lisa, I’ve been married a long time. There have been ups and downs and bumps along the way. When these happened, I always asked myself how much joy was this relationship giving me that made the bumps and drama worth it.”
This was an eye opener for me not only with Levi, who has given me far more joy than problems, but also when it comes to dating men and building relationships.
Often, we are so busy nit-picking a man… we forget to see the really good stuff of who he is. The good stuff that could bring you joy and happiness in the long run with a great guy.
Have a wonderful Fourth of July and if you need some good reading material, why don’t you check out The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50 to find out more about dating at this time in your life.
Dear Lisa,
How much should a common religion factor into identifying and ensuring a long term relationship? (After all, one’s religion lasts a lifetime and can also be community-involvement that fosters an LTR [long term relationship], right?) Fred
Fred,
I’m so happy to hear from a male member of our community. You ask a great question. When it comes to religious differences and how they will affect a relationship, a lot is dependent on the role your particular religion plays in each of your lives.
If you are actively involved in your church or synagogue and this type of community is important to you, then you’ll probably want a committed partner who shares similar religious values.
If you are spiritual but not religious, you’ll probably want someone in your life who will share this type of belief system.
That being said, relationships involving two different religions can work as long as the two of you are accepting of your differences, supportive when you’re partner asks you to be and non-judgmental about any aspect of their religious or spiritual beliefs.
Dear Lisa,
I’ve been divorced for six months. And the only interest I have gotten from men is from creepy and/or much older men. And those have just been on dating sites. I go to church occasionally but other than that there is not much in the way of meeting someone nice to just go on a date with where I live. I’m attractive, smart, funny with a few extra pounds but I’ve ” still got it.” I just don’t get it and feel sad miserable and lonely most of the time. I really don’t have extra money for self help at the moment. I sometimes feel like trying to get back with my ex-husband just so I won’t be alone. I know there are good men are out there, who aren’t just after sex, but I’m losing hope fast. I suffer from depression and I have MS. Needless to say I’m not enjoying my life. I’d rather be at work than come home to spend yet another night alone. Jennifer
Jennifer,
The first thing I would suggest is to stop dating for a bit and start creating a single life you love. Take classes, go to meet-ups in your area, ask your friends if they know other single women and head to dinner or movies with them.
You want to create a single life you love. The passion this creates makes you both attractive and interesting to a man. And when you’re living the fun life you’ve created, you are in the position of wanting a man…not needing a man in your life. Your energy shows up totally differently in each of these situations.
When you need a man, your energy comes across as desperation. Men sense this and back away. On the other hand, when you want a man, you come across as relaxed, which draws men towards you and allows you to have far more choices in your life.
As for going back with your ex, ask yourself if whatever bothered you in the first place has changed between the two of you. If it has, it might be worth a try. If nothing has changed, you’ll want to decide what will make you happier…going back to a relationship that wasn’t working for you or creating a single life that could be fun. Good luck with this!
Dear Lisa,
I’m a mid 40s, never married woman, no kids, in pretty good shape (not overweight) with nice hair and a good personality. I’d like to meet a great guy around age 50, (not concerned with appearances myself, but with character and personality), but am concerned as I have a chronic skin disorder.
I’m afraid to date, as I’ve read and heard that men of all ages are visual first and foremost and I’m thinking with my skin disorder (I can’t wear makeup as my skin is super sensitive, so it’s right there on my face front and center) I’ll be rejected from the get-go. I have been reading your blog and appreciate your intelligent and thoughtful responses to other reader questions, so would like to know what you think. Should I give dating a try or not? Thanks and best wishes, Katie
Katie,
Dating in this type of situation is more challenging and requires persistence on your part, plus a willingness to put yourself into the dating world. It can feel really scary and it does put you in the position of being rejected for something you have no control over.
That being said, it is possible to find a man who will love you. Women around the world have been burned, disfigured and disabled, and yet they have still found men who wanted a life with them.
The key is coming to a place of accepting yourself for who you are…exactly how you are. What you may not realize is that everyone has qualities they want to hide…their’s are just not as immediately visible like yours are.
Start by getting in touch with your very best you. Like every woman, you’ll need to feel and know what a great catch you are. Then if your dream is a relationship, and you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone, then go for it.
I’d stay off of the dating sites. They are way too one dimensional with everyone choosing people based on pictures.
Instead, consider getting involved in activities where men are as well. Volunteer, check out spiritual centers, go to meet ups and let your personality shine bright. Get to know people and let them get to know you. And remember, you want a man who will love you for you but…this starts from inside you first. I hope you’ll keep me posted on how you are doing.
Starting tomorrow, July 1, the Heartache To Bliss tele summit is taking place with 21 relationship experts, including an interview where I’ll talk about The 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Over 50 Make. You don’t want to miss this free event and you can reserve your spot right here: https://heartachetobliss.com/lisa.
Until next time~
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
#1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon
Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here
#2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group
It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here
#3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program
I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.
If you are interested in learning more about how I can help, you can Click here to answer a few quick questions and schedule a call.
#4: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
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On the religious question; as I am Traditional Native, there’s no way anyone I date will share my beliefs. Even among the tribes, each nation has a different religion; we are actually more different as tribes than folks who live in different countries on other continents are. The issue is one of mutual respect. If you are doing the family thing, things could get sticky but given you’re on this site, probably a non issue. If you are super observant, again, maybe a problem. Not forcing one’s beliefs on others and respecting differences (which ought a happen regardless) is key.
For the other two posters; being the best you you can be is key. I too am completely alone, living in a place where most of the populace has very different core values. My dad is dying and apart from colleagues, there’s no one to talk to. Much easier to deal with his health issues when I was married. Being alone can really suck; it’s as though all your married/partnered acquaintances expect you to accept a lower standard of emotional life than they AND like it. I understand fully. On the other hand, desperation is smelled a mile away and attracts bad people. Exes are exes for a reason; don’t go there. You have to make a full life for yourself; no one’s gonna rescue you though they may try and take advantage. Get into the best shape you can be in, if your job, home, etc is unsatisfactory, that’s for you to fix. Learn to fix stuff on your own. Where do you live? Some areas have no functional dating pool, such as where I live. Are you being rejected by men or is it a matter of finding no one suitable? An important distinction. The latter means get a long term escape plan. Look for jobs elsewhere more likely to mesh with your values, pay off unsecured debt, consider early retirement. About not being picture-perfect; again be the best you can be. I am mixed race, have a big Indian nose, don’t photograph worth beans, look much better IRL. No matter what I do, some men will always turn away, especially on line. Racism is alive and well. On line works best for average, conventionally attractive White folks. People only overlook perceived flaws when they get to know you; that happens IRL. Meet folks in places where healthy, successful folk go. Races, charity/arts events. Avoid bars which attract chronic drinkers and folk looking for a cheap hook up-bad news.