Just before the start of the pandemic, an ex of mine sent me a very sweet birthday text out of nowhere. I hadn’t seem him in 4 years, though he periodically texted me. We exchanged messages and then phone calls, during which he eluded to wanting me back and still having feelings for me. I felt myself falling for him again even though I had moved several states away to forget about the heartbreak he caused me years back. He then asked to come visit, he wanted to see me, to connect again. I hesitatingly said yes. He planned to ride his motorcycle to see me and kept changing the date. He had planned to stay a few nights (in my guest room I told him), so each change of plans was inconvenient and stressful for me. I had deep cleaned, lost weight, blocked off my calendar and then nope, no visit. Finally he told me he was definitely coming in early September, gave the specific date and all of the details, and I went through it all again and was fully prepared for his visit. The day before he was supposed to start his 2 day motorcycle ride to get to my town, he texted me that he has fallen off his mountain bike and was too injured to make the trip by motorcycle, but that he was going to book a flight. At this point, I texted back and told him not to bother. I was crushed and could not bring myself to trust anything more. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, as I was still missing this man after 4 years away. He apologized and told me that he would fly to see his parents instead, but would reach out to me on his way back to try to schedule another visit. I had items from a care package he had sent me months prior including a borrowed book that he insisted I don’t mail back because he wanted to pick it up in person. He never texted or called again, I mailed back everything he sent to me and didn’t even include a note. I still shake my head wondering what was on his mind, but for me the summary is this: he wanted what he wanted when he wanted it, and my needs were never going to be met. I don’t want a man like this in my life, no matter how my heart feels.
March 2, 2021 at 4:23 pm
Lisa
Brenda…good for you for having the courage to honor yourself. In the short run, its not easy but in the long run, you’ve now opened the door to a man who can be a partner. Big hugs and thanks for sharing your story.
February 25, 2021 at 10:07 am
Barbara
Last night, a guy I have been seeing for 6 months, was supposed to come over for dinner. A female friend and her son stopped. When he saw she was there, he just drove right by. I saw him and text, ” Did you just drive by” he responded yes, I saw you had company and thought maybe it was a friend, lol, so I just came back home. I text it was (her name) he knows her, and she is only staying for an hour. Silly. Nothing in response. I called in 30 minutes when she left and he did not pick up the phone or respond. This is the 2nd time we had plans and he ghosted because he thought I was putting my friends or family first. Do I answer his text today or more likely tomorrow, or just forget it?
February 25, 2021 at 11:58 am
Lisa
Barbara….you may have a communication problem happening. Did he actually say, he thinks you put family and friends first? If he did, this could be an issue. If he didn’t, its worth talking about why he ghosts.
February 24, 2021 at 8:10 pm
Michelle
OMG! I was married to Paul for 34 years, and yes he was my high school sweetheart! Everything you wrote describes our relationship in high school. He would keep breaking up with me and then we’d get back together again until we finally got married two years out of high school. It wasn’t until after I married him that I discovered he was abusive, and it took another 33 years to figure out he was a narcissist. Worst mistake of my life. At least he taught me exactly what to avoid in my future relationships and exactly what I do NOT want in a man.
February 25, 2021 at 12:02 pm
Lisa
Thanks for sharing your story Michelle. If you ever need help, reach out to me at Lisa@findaqualityman.com and I can share a tool I use in my group program that helps women see the patterns of men they are attracted to. Until they used this tool, they’d keep attracting the same type of guy who didn’t work for them because he felt so familiar. We worked together to help them get clear and comfortable with a new type of man and they are so much happier in the relationships they are now in.
February 24, 2021 at 6:39 pm
Tia
Hi, Lisa,
Thank you so much for your humility in sharing your story about Paul with us! I, too, had a “Paul” come into my life, a few months ago, through Twitter, of all places! He was the “perfect boyfriend” or so I thought. He would call me and text me every day, but there was always a long gap during the day where he couldn’t be reached. As time went on, something just didn’t seem right. I told my son about “Paul”, and my son asked me for Paul’s phone number. It turned out to be a text only phone. My son told me not to have anything to do with Paul anymore, and my Mom told me the same thing. On top of all this, I had just moved to a new state. I am so grateful that I did not give him any personal information. “Paul” then started asking me for money. That is when I knew he was a scammer (catfishing). Ironically, my cousin had told me about The Catfish Show, that doesn’t involve scammers asking for money, but their identities are completely different from who they say they are online. At first I was really angry that “Paul” (I’m sure this is not his real name) treated me like this, and I broke things off right away. The way these scammers prey on your emotions and literally steal millions of dollars from people, mostly women, who place their trust in these tricksters, is absolutely disgusting and heartwrenching. I hope the word gets out more and more about scammers, and like you said, Lisa, look at a man’s actions and how he treats you. A good man will always respect you and treat you well. It will be his honor and joy to do so.
February 25, 2021 at 12:04 pm
Lisa
Hey Tia…so glad you shared your story and so glad your son was able to identify a potential scammer that saved you lots of heartache and money.It’s pretty frustrating when you’re putting yourself out on dating sites and the only men who contact you are the one’s you can’t see yourself in a long term relationship with. I’ve seen this happen many times with clients who before working with me were always connecting with men who weren’t their forever guy. It’s frustrating and can cause you to constantly second guess yourself thinking maybe you’re just too independent to attract, meet and keep the right guy. This is something I help women overcome all the time . . . going from attracting men who aren’t a match to heading into the dating world feeling empowered in knowing who they want and how to find love with a good man. If you’d like to chat more about this(it’s totally complimentary), here’s a link to my calendar to set up a time for us to talk: https://my.timetrade.com/book/J8S2J
Believing in you! Big hugs~
February 27, 2021 at 11:35 am
Brenda
Just before the start of the pandemic, an ex of mine sent me a very sweet birthday text out of nowhere. I hadn’t seem him in 4 years, though he periodically texted me. We exchanged messages and then phone calls, during which he eluded to wanting me back and still having feelings for me. I felt myself falling for him again even though I had moved several states away to forget about the heartbreak he caused me years back. He then asked to come visit, he wanted to see me, to connect again. I hesitatingly said yes. He planned to ride his motorcycle to see me and kept changing the date. He had planned to stay a few nights (in my guest room I told him), so each change of plans was inconvenient and stressful for me. I had deep cleaned, lost weight, blocked off my calendar and then nope, no visit. Finally he told me he was definitely coming in early September, gave the specific date and all of the details, and I went through it all again and was fully prepared for his visit. The day before he was supposed to start his 2 day motorcycle ride to get to my town, he texted me that he has fallen off his mountain bike and was too injured to make the trip by motorcycle, but that he was going to book a flight. At this point, I texted back and told him not to bother. I was crushed and could not bring myself to trust anything more. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, as I was still missing this man after 4 years away. He apologized and told me that he would fly to see his parents instead, but would reach out to me on his way back to try to schedule another visit. I had items from a care package he had sent me months prior including a borrowed book that he insisted I don’t mail back because he wanted to pick it up in person. He never texted or called again, I mailed back everything he sent to me and didn’t even include a note. I still shake my head wondering what was on his mind, but for me the summary is this: he wanted what he wanted when he wanted it, and my needs were never going to be met. I don’t want a man like this in my life, no matter how my heart feels.
March 2, 2021 at 4:23 pm
Lisa
Brenda…good for you for having the courage to honor yourself. In the short run, its not easy but in the long run, you’ve now opened the door to a man who can be a partner. Big hugs and thanks for sharing your story.
February 25, 2021 at 10:07 am
Barbara
Last night, a guy I have been seeing for 6 months, was supposed to come over for dinner. A female friend and her son stopped. When he saw she was there, he just drove right by. I saw him and text, ” Did you just drive by” he responded yes, I saw you had company and thought maybe it was a friend, lol, so I just came back home. I text it was (her name) he knows her, and she is only staying for an hour. Silly. Nothing in response. I called in 30 minutes when she left and he did not pick up the phone or respond. This is the 2nd time we had plans and he ghosted because he thought I was putting my friends or family first. Do I answer his text today or more likely tomorrow, or just forget it?
February 25, 2021 at 11:58 am
Lisa
Barbara….you may have a communication problem happening. Did he actually say, he thinks you put family and friends first? If he did, this could be an issue. If he didn’t, its worth talking about why he ghosts.
February 24, 2021 at 8:10 pm
Michelle
OMG! I was married to Paul for 34 years, and yes he was my high school sweetheart! Everything you wrote describes our relationship in high school. He would keep breaking up with me and then we’d get back together again until we finally got married two years out of high school. It wasn’t until after I married him that I discovered he was abusive, and it took another 33 years to figure out he was a narcissist. Worst mistake of my life. At least he taught me exactly what to avoid in my future relationships and exactly what I do NOT want in a man.
February 25, 2021 at 12:02 pm
Lisa
Thanks for sharing your story Michelle. If you ever need help, reach out to me at Lisa@findaqualityman.com and I can share a tool I use in my group program that helps women see the patterns of men they are attracted to. Until they used this tool, they’d keep attracting the same type of guy who didn’t work for them because he felt so familiar. We worked together to help them get clear and comfortable with a new type of man and they are so much happier in the relationships they are now in.
February 24, 2021 at 6:39 pm
Tia
Hi, Lisa,
Thank you so much for your humility in sharing your story about Paul with us! I, too, had a “Paul” come into my life, a few months ago, through Twitter, of all places! He was the “perfect boyfriend” or so I thought. He would call me and text me every day, but there was always a long gap during the day where he couldn’t be reached. As time went on, something just didn’t seem right. I told my son about “Paul”, and my son asked me for Paul’s phone number. It turned out to be a text only phone. My son told me not to have anything to do with Paul anymore, and my Mom told me the same thing. On top of all this, I had just moved to a new state. I am so grateful that I did not give him any personal information. “Paul” then started asking me for money. That is when I knew he was a scammer (catfishing). Ironically, my cousin had told me about The Catfish Show, that doesn’t involve scammers asking for money, but their identities are completely different from who they say they are online. At first I was really angry that “Paul” (I’m sure this is not his real name) treated me like this, and I broke things off right away. The way these scammers prey on your emotions and literally steal millions of dollars from people, mostly women, who place their trust in these tricksters, is absolutely disgusting and heartwrenching. I hope the word gets out more and more about scammers, and like you said, Lisa, look at a man’s actions and how he treats you. A good man will always respect you and treat you well. It will be his honor and joy to do so.
February 25, 2021 at 12:04 pm
Lisa
Hey Tia…so glad you shared your story and so glad your son was able to identify a potential scammer that saved you lots of heartache and money.It’s pretty frustrating when you’re putting yourself out on dating sites and the only men who contact you are the one’s you can’t see yourself in a long term relationship with. I’ve seen this happen many times with clients who before working with me were always connecting with men who weren’t their forever guy. It’s frustrating and can cause you to constantly second guess yourself thinking maybe you’re just too independent to attract, meet and keep the right guy. This is something I help women overcome all the time . . . going from attracting men who aren’t a match to heading into the dating world feeling empowered in knowing who they want and how to find love with a good man. If you’d like to chat more about this(it’s totally complimentary), here’s a link to my calendar to set up a time for us to talk: https://my.timetrade.com/book/J8S2J
Believing in you! Big hugs~