One of my dumbest over 50’s dating mistakes ever!
Before we get to today’s blog, I wanted to mention my Finding Love After 50 Facebook Community.
You’ll find an amazing group of women who are on the same journey as you and are there to support you through the dating ups and downs we’ve all experienced navigating the finding love after 50 journey.
I’d love to have you join us. All you have to do is click here to join.
Look forward to seeing you there.
Now onto one of my biggest dating blunders….
A couple of years ago, my high school boyfriend, Paul popped back into my life.
I was in the middle of my second divorce and I was feeling pretty low.
His kindness and humor gave me hope and made me feel like there was light at the end of a very long dark tunnel.
As high school sweethearts, we thought for sure our hearts would be bound together in love forever. (There is nothing like young love…so innocent and sweet!)
But we ended up at different colleges about four hours apart.
This distance would pull us apart and by winter break of our freshman year we broke up.
Our lives were no longer connected on a daily basis so the spark that held us together slowly fizzled.
I moved on in life, got married, had kids, and 24 years later, divorced my first husband then a few years later my second husband.
And that’s when Paul showed up again in my life.
He’d written me an email asking why we’d broken up 30 years ago.
That letter opened the door to an on again/off again two-year phone relationship….it was on the phone because we lived about 4 hours apart.
We spent hours talking every night and I found myself falling in love with him all over again.
And why wouldn’t I?
I was vulnerable and here was this old love of mine telling me I was beautiful, smart, kind and compassionate.
He’d tell me stories of how he’d put me on a pedestal and treat me like a princess.
His words touched my heart at a time when I was feeling like a complete failure in the relationship department.
But there was a BIG problem happening…
We’d talk a couple of weeks then he’d literally disappear only to resurface months later with new words that would once again touch my heart.
We’d reconnect and then he’d disappear again.
My heart would break every time this happened.
I was in love with this man and I wanted to see him again.
But every time we scheduled a time to meet, he would cancel at the last minute leaving me angry, frustrated and disappointed.
He finally said yes.
But when we met, his actions were so different from the words he’d spoken nightly on the phone with me.
Talking on the phone, he’d been so warm and open.
In person, he was cool and distant.
I remember thinking where was that man I’d fallen in love with and who was this man standing right in front of me?
Well shortly after this little meet and greet, he disappeared again breaking my heart once more.
Now, you might ask, “why in the world did I let this go on?”
At the time, I wasn’t a Love Coach and Dating Expert.
I didn’t understand that I was falling in love with the fantasy I’d created based on the hollow words he’d shared with me every night.
This was a HUGE LESSON for me.
I learned words are cheap and very easy to fall for, especially when you feel vulnerable, lonely or wounded in some way.
Words can blind you and keep you from seeing a mans faults especially when they are soothing open emotional wounds.
A good man who really loves you will follow his words up with action.
His actions are what makes him worthy of being with you!
Now it’s your turn.
Have you ever known a man like Paul?
Post below how he made you feel and if you are still in a relationship with him today.
I look forward to hearing your comments.
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
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Yes I was involved with a man for 11 mos. Who was so kind and loving a real gentleman until we slept together. Than he disappeared came back was all loving. Than again gone! Finally I had enough and stopped seeing him. I deserve to be treated better.
Yes you do deserve to be treated better Lori. Good for you for stopping the push pull he was doing and for your willingness to open your heart to a man who is a better fit for you. Hugs to you~
I dated a guy who always told me how beautiful and sexy I was. He was a good conversationalist. Told me that he loved me early on and teased me a bit about wanting to marry me (he would have too). What made me nervous was he was already married 3 times…hahaha. Unfortunately he had to move away due to a job and leave NY for GA. A 13+ hour drive.
This happened a year into the relationship. Here is where the words and actions started going awry.
I told him I would visit in February and did so. Then I went in April for Easter. The weather was better there especially when WNY was having -20 degree weather. Then we decided to meet half way for the long weekend in May and to celebrate his Bday. Now he started talking about coming and visiting me…talk…talk…talk. But that is all it was. Mind you his job made him a slave. He could never get away from the work he had to do.
I went down right after I got done working for the summer (my house deal also fell through and needed an escape from my boxes). So I visited twice that summer for almost 2 weeks each time. The last time I went in August I knew it would be the last time I would be there…. I was sad, but I had to do what was right for me in the long run.
His actions didn’t match his words more and more with the visits. Maybe in his heart he wanted to but reality was a nope. He was talking again wanting to come for my Bday in October… I knew what would happen… I knew I would get excited and then I would be ultimately disappointed because he would not be able to get away.
So I broke up with him. I didn’t want to face that heartache. The only time he has been back to the area was when he was looking for a job after he lost his job (it was torture anyway), about a year after he left. He has not been back since.
We remain friends. We would talk every once in a while and he would still tell me he loved me I believe that to be true, I still love and care for him but know he is not the right man for me.