Dear Lisa, I Like a Man Who is Shorter Than Me… What Do I Do?

 

Dear Lisa,

I am hoping you can help me. Recently, at a party I met this really wonderful guy. He was funny, charming, and really cute! There is one problem, and for me, it’s a big problem. Or should I say a small problem? He is shorter than I am.

I am 5’6″ and I have always dated taller men. Height is one of my deal breakers. He is at best 5’4″. I don’t know what to do?

I think I could really fall for this guy, but I can’t get over the height issue. Am I crazy? My friends are split on this so I’m hoping you can help. Thank you! Confused in Atlanta

 

 

Confused in Atlanta,

You are not alone in wanting to date a taller man.

I’ve had clients who were 5’2″ tell me any man shorter than 6 feet was a deal breaker for them.

I’ll tell you exactly what I tell my private and group coaching clients… Height is not what is ultimately going to make you happy.

The secret to a good match is how you emotionally feel around a man and whether or not the two of you share the same values.

I realize it can feel awkward to date someone shorter than you.

But…here’s a story that can help you.

I have friends whose heights don’t exactly match.

She’s 5’9″ and he is 5’ 5″.

A long time ago, I asked her about the height difference and she said at first it did concern her.

But he was such a loving man that she decided to give him a chance and 30 years later even though she is 4 inches taller than him, they are still happily married.

She didn’t allow height to get in the way of true happiness.

If you like this man and think he’s a good guy, give him a chance.

He could turn out to be an amazing match for you that you’d have missed if you use height as a deal breaker.

 

 

Dear Lisa,

I started online dating recently looking for a long-term relationship. I’m surprised how many men contact me saying they are widows. I am not sure whether or not it is true or whether they are just saying it because they think it sounds better than saying they are divorced.

I am from another country and I am not familiar with these international online daters. How serious can a man be looking for a long distance relationship? How long do I have to wait or not to visit him or vice versa? And having intimacy?? I feel like I am 15 and not knowing if I can trust or not. Thank you. Ena

 

 

Ena,

Beware when men contact you from another country.

They could be SCAMMERS.

You really want to meet someone who lives within a two-hour car ride from you.

Otherwise, a fantasy relationship can develop.

This happens when you take his words and create a false picture of who he is based on ideas he shares on the phone or in emails.

The connection is rarely there should you ever meet.

I’d recommend thanking these men for contacting you.

Then share you are looking for someone who lives closer.

Wish them well on their journey.

Then go back online and date men who live closer to you.

 

 

Dear Lisa,

I found a man that seems so nice. We enjoy chatting about different topics. He wanted to meet me so we set up a meet and greet but he was a NO SHOW. We are still talking and I would really love to meet this man. Could he just be scared? Katie

 

 

Katie,

You want a man whose actions follow his words.

He should have contacted you to let you know he wasn’t going to make the date.

I understand you enjoy talking with him but you are creating a fantasy relationship doing this.

You want to meet someone after no more than two phone conversations. Otherwise you too (like women who have long distance relationships) are building a fantasy relationship.

Basically this man is unavailable for a reason you may never know.

If you continuing talking to him without meeting, you could end up falling in love with the idea of who you think he is versus who he really is.

I would move on and find someone who is emotionally available to fully be there for you.

 

I’d love to hear what you think in the comments.

You can hear my Top 15 Dating Strategies for Finding Love after 50 TONIGHT at 9:00 PM EDT/5:00 PM PDT on www.goingsoloafterdark.com.

Believing in You!

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Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .

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On April 18, 2016   /   Dating Advice Over 50, Online Dating, Senior Dating, staying safe, Uncategorized