My red flags are hot/cold behavior and ambiguity. There are many reasons for both behaviors, none of them good.
July 24, 2014 at 10:47 am
Ann
Well, Lisa, you were indeed speaking to me. #3 flag all the way! Thank you, as always.
Ann
July 24, 2014 at 10:43 am
Sandy
Hi . Just an update on my situation where I finally realized he wasn't into me. I called and left a message with him to call me because we had to talk. I wanted to end things respectfully either in person or on the phone not by text, his chosen form of communication. He texted me back saying that he had decided he couldn't see me any more because he was going to give it a shot with his ex girlfriend again whom he was still in love with! I e-mailed him back a long letter explaining what I was feeling and asked him to please call or I would call him to discuss a few questions I had concerning this so we could then move on with our lives. No call! Big surprise! Everyone has a right and deserves to find love but treating people decently in that process is expected too. I guess some people are just not as thoughtful (or mature) as others. Glad I found that out now! Time to move on and get ready to meet a man that appreciates and deserves me!
July 22, 2014 at 3:28 am
Gab
I've got to the point of zero tolerance. If his actions don't match his word then it's goodbye. If he is hot then cold then goodbye. Too busy with kids,work etc then he is not really available and shouldn't be dating. At 54years of age I've dated a lot of dysfunctional.unavailable,emmotionally immature men who still fear the word commitment it's not worth the angst.
When the right one comes along then he will do everything he can th move the relationship forward. From the woman who I've talked to who have got great relationships and who met their partners later in life they all say the same thing. That the man puts their happiness as a priority .
Why waste one more second on a man who who is not really available for you or makes excuses as to why he dosnt have the time for you.
July 21, 2014 at 5:48 pm
Kim
Thank you for the interesting email. I enjoyed it and that is exactly how I feel when a man exhibits these behaviors. But, there are women that continue to put up with such behaviors with fear of being lonely. These behaviors are unacceptable and never should be accept by any woman.
If a man truly cares and wants you to feel special, he would never display these behaviors. However, a man will behave the way that women allow them to behave. So we must set the standards and never settle for less.
Thanks for all the valuable information,
God Bless,
Kim
July 21, 2014 at 5:27 pm
Michele
Hi. I have been dating a man for 3 months and it was going so well, most things were clicking. He even introduced me as his girlfriend to some of his guy friends we met at a fair. Then I travelled to Nashville for 5 days and he texted sweet things to me while I was gone. I came back and two days later he said he wasn't sure about us and broke it off. A week later he sent a text hoping I was well and asked if we could talk. I did speak to him a couple days later and he thinks I'm wonderful but feels confused. Would like to date again and see where it goes. Most of the relationships he had in the past were volitile and breaking up and getting back together. With me it's calm and wonderful so he says it doesn't feel "normal" to him but he does want this type of relationship. I told him I will date him but I want us to decide whether or not we ought to see other people and if we do there will NOT be a physical relationship. We left it where we will talk again soon. Thoughts? Comments? Michele
July 21, 2014 at 5:07 pm
Clare Seche
Wow. This is so true with my boyfriend of 7 years!I’m not looking for marriage in the near future, but he’s basically a placeholder until Mr. Right comes along. Our situation is that he owes me money, and he’s been fairly consistent about the monthly payments, but he is definitely not marriage material and he knows that. These also apply to a platonic male friend who only texts. I think I need to take a break from dating for awhile… Thank you for showing the red flags in all their glory!
July 21, 2014 at 1:01 pm
Infinity
I've had all 5 things happen to me. Disappearing / reappearing is very common. So is the texted invite.
I know how to solve that. Now I will only give a landline number!
July 21, 2014 at 2:03 pm
Lisa
Be weary of giving a landline number. It’s too easy for a man to Google you and get information you might not want him to have such as your address. Better yet, get a Google Voice number….it’s free and not traceable to you and your personal information.
August 1, 2014 at 2:05 pm
Infinity
Thanks, Lisa,
I am not referring to Internet strangers, rather men I meet in person through mutual friends. My landline no. can easily be found on my websites which have high SE results. Cell phones for texting cannot be looked up. I will look into Google Voice. Thanks for the tip!
July 21, 2014 at 12:46 pm
Sandy
Hi!
I am dealing with this exact issue right now. He is hot one day and cold the next and I am getting mixed messages all the time. He never seems to be able to fnd the time to get together even though he is retired. And texting is his preferred choice of communicating! He was very "into me" until we had our first night of intimacy (no sex) and then he has kept me at arms length since. He still wants to text all the time and after we do see each other (yes, there is great chemistry), he goes right back to being distant. I have reached the conclusion that this is all it will ever be with him so am more than willing to let go now. I was always making excuses for him and believing his excuses. Not any more! Thanks for letting me see in black and white that he is not into me!
July 21, 2014 at 2:01 pm
Lisa
You’re welcome Sandy. I’m glad seeing it in black and white helped. I hope you’ll keep me posted on how it turns out. Good luck.
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July 31, 2014 at 8:24 am
Noquay
My red flags are hot/cold behavior and ambiguity. There are many reasons for both behaviors, none of them good.
July 24, 2014 at 10:47 am
Ann
Well, Lisa, you were indeed speaking to me. #3 flag all the way! Thank you, as always.
Ann
July 24, 2014 at 10:43 am
Sandy
Hi . Just an update on my situation where I finally realized he wasn't into me. I called and left a message with him to call me because we had to talk. I wanted to end things respectfully either in person or on the phone not by text, his chosen form of communication. He texted me back saying that he had decided he couldn't see me any more because he was going to give it a shot with his ex girlfriend again whom he was still in love with! I e-mailed him back a long letter explaining what I was feeling and asked him to please call or I would call him to discuss a few questions I had concerning this so we could then move on with our lives. No call! Big surprise! Everyone has a right and deserves to find love but treating people decently in that process is expected too. I guess some people are just not as thoughtful (or mature) as others. Glad I found that out now! Time to move on and get ready to meet a man that appreciates and deserves me!
July 22, 2014 at 3:28 am
Gab
I've got to the point of zero tolerance. If his actions don't match his word then it's goodbye. If he is hot then cold then goodbye. Too busy with kids,work etc then he is not really available and shouldn't be dating. At 54years of age I've dated a lot of dysfunctional.unavailable,emmotionally immature men who still fear the word commitment it's not worth the angst.
When the right one comes along then he will do everything he can th move the relationship forward. From the woman who I've talked to who have got great relationships and who met their partners later in life they all say the same thing. That the man puts their happiness as a priority .
Why waste one more second on a man who who is not really available for you or makes excuses as to why he dosnt have the time for you.
July 21, 2014 at 5:48 pm
Kim
Thank you for the interesting email. I enjoyed it and that is exactly how I feel when a man exhibits these behaviors. But, there are women that continue to put up with such behaviors with fear of being lonely. These behaviors are unacceptable and never should be accept by any woman.
If a man truly cares and wants you to feel special, he would never display these behaviors. However, a man will behave the way that women allow them to behave. So we must set the standards and never settle for less.
Thanks for all the valuable information,
God Bless,
Kim
July 21, 2014 at 5:27 pm
Michele
Hi. I have been dating a man for 3 months and it was going so well, most things were clicking. He even introduced me as his girlfriend to some of his guy friends we met at a fair. Then I travelled to Nashville for 5 days and he texted sweet things to me while I was gone. I came back and two days later he said he wasn't sure about us and broke it off. A week later he sent a text hoping I was well and asked if we could talk. I did speak to him a couple days later and he thinks I'm wonderful but feels confused. Would like to date again and see where it goes. Most of the relationships he had in the past were volitile and breaking up and getting back together. With me it's calm and wonderful so he says it doesn't feel "normal" to him but he does want this type of relationship. I told him I will date him but I want us to decide whether or not we ought to see other people and if we do there will NOT be a physical relationship. We left it where we will talk again soon. Thoughts? Comments? Michele
July 21, 2014 at 5:07 pm
Clare Seche
Wow. This is so true with my boyfriend of 7 years!I’m not looking for marriage in the near future, but he’s basically a placeholder until Mr. Right comes along. Our situation is that he owes me money, and he’s been fairly consistent about the monthly payments, but he is definitely not marriage material and he knows that. These also apply to a platonic male friend who only texts. I think I need to take a break from dating for awhile… Thank you for showing the red flags in all their glory!
July 21, 2014 at 1:01 pm
Infinity
I've had all 5 things happen to me. Disappearing / reappearing is very common. So is the texted invite.
I know how to solve that. Now I will only give a landline number!
July 21, 2014 at 2:03 pm
Lisa
Be weary of giving a landline number. It’s too easy for a man to Google you and get information you might not want him to have such as your address. Better yet, get a Google Voice number….it’s free and not traceable to you and your personal information.
August 1, 2014 at 2:05 pm
Infinity
Thanks, Lisa,
I am not referring to Internet strangers, rather men I meet in person through mutual friends. My landline no. can easily be found on my websites which have high SE results. Cell phones for texting cannot be looked up. I will look into Google Voice. Thanks for the tip!
July 21, 2014 at 12:46 pm
Sandy
Hi!
I am dealing with this exact issue right now. He is hot one day and cold the next and I am getting mixed messages all the time. He never seems to be able to fnd the time to get together even though he is retired. And texting is his preferred choice of communicating! He was very "into me" until we had our first night of intimacy (no sex) and then he has kept me at arms length since. He still wants to text all the time and after we do see each other (yes, there is great chemistry), he goes right back to being distant. I have reached the conclusion that this is all it will ever be with him so am more than willing to let go now. I was always making excuses for him and believing his excuses. Not any more! Thanks for letting me see in black and white that he is not into me!
July 21, 2014 at 2:01 pm
Lisa
You’re welcome Sandy. I’m glad seeing it in black and white helped. I hope you’ll keep me posted on how it turns out. Good luck.