Is This Handsome Man An Over 50’s Liar and Schemer?
This past week, I heard yet another story of a woman connecting with a scammer on a legitimate dating site.
These men are con artists who will find a way to touch your heart and your pocketbook without a second thought.
I don’t want to scare you and cause you to stop going online.
There are plenty of good men out there for you to date.
But there are certain clues you need to be aware of that will tip you off to potential scammers.
Clue #1 . . . How Your Profile Gives You Away
Don’t mention your income or where you work.
You can say you’re a nurse or an executive but don’t mention where or how much you make.
Be aware of sounding needy and lonely in your profile.
It makes you perfect prey for scammers looking to hook you into their scam.
Clue #2 . . . A Man Living Outside The US
Scammers will lie and tell you they live in metropolitan cities in the US and that their work has just sent them out of the country.
They tell you they’ll be coming back soon… and, of course, to wait for them because they can’t wait to meet you.
You want to meet a man within 2 weeks of initial contact.
If a man says he’s going to be out of the country longer than that, tell him to contact you when he’s back in the states.
Clue #3 . . . How Do Men Become Scammers
Most come from countries where good-paying jobs are scarce.
So they become a scammer to make money.
They are given scripts that they study (yes there are scripts for how to emotionally hook you) then spend a couple of hours a day communicating with women around the world.
They’ll ask you a lot of questions which women usually love because men who ask questions are a hot commodity.
But, this is not about being nice and attentive.
This is about finding your weak spot whether its a devastating divorce, the passing of a spouse or the loss of someone near and dear to you.
Once they find it, they’ll tell you this experience happened to them as well.
They do this because they want to connect to you and its easier to connect with someone when you feel they can empathize with what you’ve been through.
These men often speak with British accents, something American women love and easily fall for.
Just think Downton Abby. Some of those men sound really romantic, don’t they?
Well, scammers know this and they use it as part of their scam to get you to like and trust them so they can steal from you.
Clue #4 . . . Where They Are From
Usually, they will tell you they were born in England to a British mother and Italian father.
They give themselves romantic names like Valentino and Antonio.
They will send you pictures of themselves (like the one above) and they’re usually drop-dead gorgeous.
Look closely at the pictures.
They will use shots of handsome models stolen from the internet.
You can usually tell because they post one picture and usually they will be wearing a hat, sunglasses, or name brand shirts.
They might be holding products like wine or beer where you can see the brand name.
They might be standing in front of tall buildings in Metropolitan cities, or standing by expensive cars.
Scammers also steal pictures of handsome men on FB.
You can use Google Image to check a picture out if you’re not sure.
They might send you family pictures of children or grandchildren but you probably won’t see the scammer in any of them.
This is a huge red flag that you might be dealing with a scammer cause most men have pics of themselves with their family.
Clue #5 . . . They Use Romance
We love romance and these men use it by sending you the most beautiful poems you’ve ever heard.
They get these from the Internet as well.
They rarely write because they don’t have a handle on the grammar in the US so they spend a lot of time getting to know you on the phone.
You fall for them and this is about the time, they share news of the big business deal they are in.
The bank won’t give them the last bit of money they need to seal the deal.
They tell you family members have invested as well and might lose their investments if the scammer doesn’t come up with the money by a certain date.
That’s when they ask you for help.
Once you agree, they’ll email you copies of contracts to make the deal seem legit and tell you the loan is only needed until the deal is signed.
Once the deal is done, they’ll wire your money back to your bank account.
Through this negotiation, you hear a lot of I love you baby… I can’t wait to see you baby and as soon as this clears up I’ll be there and we’ll be together.
Never, ever give a man you haven’t met access to your financial resources!
How To Protect Yourself
Date men closer to home.
Keep emails to no more than 3 or 4.
Move men to the phone and keep calls to a minimum of 1-2 then meet ASAP.
This keeps you from emotionally connecting with a man you haven’t met.
If he tells you, he’ll be out of the country for a month or two, tell him to give you a call when he gets back.
Don’t get pulled into a fantasy relationship that will rip your heart in two and wipe you out financially.
He will try and keep you in the communication process as long as he can with his romantic poems and sad stories of his life.
He wants you to feel guilty saying no to him. Don’t get pulled into this con.
Move on and date other men.
If this has happened to you, you are not alone.
Thousands and thousands of successful men and women get caught up in these scams daily because they are lonely and these scammers fill a void for them.
Get busy. Go out with friends. Take classes. Meet available men online and in the real world and don’t get attached till you’ve met someone.
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
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Copyright© 2024 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.
I so wish I had read this four years ago. Only now, do I KNOW this, and am finally recognizing scammers. Early on I was taken and sent money, money, money. So sad…
I’m so sorry you had to experience this. Know that you’re not alone. It’s happened to lots of men and women. Now you have the red flags to look for. Also getting clarity on what you want in a man would help you filter men as well. Sending you lots of hugs~
I can attest first-hand that your advice and comments are spot on. My first, second, and third experiences with on-line dating were with cat-fishers. I learned a lot, but could have saved precious time if I had such a precious resource as you available.
Maggie…I hope you’ll use this guide to keep you safe in the future. Big hugs~
Many scammers can be discovered before making any contact with them. How? Copy a sentence from the middle of their profile. Go to Google and search on that sentence (with quotes around it). If the search results come up with many profiles using the same sentence, the profile was copied from someone else. Sometimes this test will even have the sentence showing up as a known scammer. Just delete them and move on.
Awesome tip Jean. Thank you for sharing it. xoxoxo
Lisa
At one point in my somewhat disastrous online dating experience, I became so good at sussing out scammers that one site asked me to vet suspicious profiles.
Here’s some other clues that not all is legit on line.
1. Too good looking. GQ dudes do not need to be online as they have plenty of options IRL. Folk in any area tend to be in a narrow range as to looks, weight, income level, education,etc and, online, most folks are pretty average.
2. Someone unusually successful in a rural or economically depressed region. Small towns tend to harbor few, if any, high end professionals. Internationally renowned architects don’t live in the hinterlands full time for instance. Lots of these folk know nothing about the towns they ostensibly reside in; they consulted a map and picked a town somewhere near you.
3. Seriously “out there” Christian in a region where that is not the norm. These dudes often had missionary or other church-based basic educations and refer to God a lot because they think all Americans are Christian. Hope I don’t offend anyone, but ski resort towns in particular and more liberal cities have few hard core Christians.
4. Compliments that are unusual. One instance was when a guy complimented me on having the teeth of a teenager. Most Americans have some access to dental care but good teeth are a rarity and noteworthy in much of the developing world.
Overall, online, you are going to, like it or not, attract a certain sort of dude. I myself have for now bailed on dating because rural, enviro, PhDs of color are undesirable which meant I got a good many totally incompatible guys lacking options in their home city. Most of us are going to have to deal with the waifs and strays of the dating world. Serious outliers for your region should be a red flag. If he is too good to be true, beware.
Noquay…thanks for sharing your experiences. Really appreciate it!