Help! My Daughter-In-Law Doesn’t Want Me To Date As An Over 50’s Woman
Dear Lisa,
I found a nice-ish man online but he has a beard and a moustache and facial hair is one of my deal breakers. We dated 4 times when I met his daughter who was not impressed with me as she still misses her mother I imagine. I did try. Also he only paid for me on the first date but was sporting a brand new car for the other dates. I am in a dilemma. Shirley
Shirley,
Let’s start with facial hair being a deal breaker. Usually deal breakers are qualities like can’t smoke, must love kids and pets, or personality traits like must accept me for who I am.
You could be missing quality men who’d be a good fit for you by keeping facial hair as a deal breaker, rather than a negotiable quality. Consider rethinking this one by asking yourself is this something you really can’t tolerate? If you believe you can’t…then honor what you want.
From my experience with clients and friends, children often have a tough time when it comes to accepting a new woman in their father’s life. For now, be yourself and don’t try and replace her mom. Be patient and give it a lot of time if your relationship continues.
As for him paying, I usually suggest you let a man pay for the first three dates. After that you can offer to split or buy the popcorn at a movie or make him dinner.
Talk with this man about how you are feeling using the phrase, “I feel uncertain about how we are handling who pays for dates.” Then ask, “What are you thinking?”
If he’s willing to work with you, he’s got relationship potential. If not, let him go.
Dear Lisa,
I am finding it really hard to describe myself in a flirty way online. My girlfriends are all shocked I want to try online dating so I have given up asking their opinions. My daughter-in-law is a devout Catholic and does not approve of people my age even wanting to find someone. Her mother is also a widow but is content to be by herself. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter-in-law is a darling and very, very sweet to me, I love her dearly. But I don’t want to upset her. Help. Ann
Ann,
First of all, your dating life is YOUR BUSINESS and no one else’s. Everyone always has an opinion of how others should live their lives. If you listen to them, you’ll end up turning yourself into a pretzel trying to please everyone but yourself.
It’s okay to ask people for help but it’s ultimately up to you to decide what works best for YOU.
As a single woman, it’s important to surround yourself with friends who understand what you are going through… That usually means other single women over 50 who are divorced or widowed.
Married friends can have the best intentions with their help but they’ve never been in your shoes so they have no idea what it’s like to be single again after 50.
As for flirting in your profile, watch for exactly how to do this right here in my blog next month.
Dear Lisa,
First of all I have just finished reading your book, The Winning Dating Formula for Women over 50, and thoroughly enjoyed it. I am 72. I lost my first husband to cancer in 1991, remarried in 2006 but picked a really wrong guy for me. He has temper/rage issues and after he took a swing at me I told him ‘do that again and I will walk.’ He did and I have walked.
Unfortunately, this charming chap is entitled to half the proceeds of the sale of my home except the few bits and pieces I owned before we married. He is still in the home with another woman who is probably going through exactly what I and his other two wives have been through. Yes, there were red flags but I did not want to see them!!!
In effect I have very little money now and live with my eldest son and his family.
They are wonderful to me but I miss my own home and feel I cannot date anyone because I do not have my own home and it sounds so much like a ton of baggage when I explain. What can I do? SA
SA,
I want to congratulate you for recognizing you needed to leave when this man hit you. No man should ever abuse a woman and no woman should stay in an abusive relationship. There are other options.
You said you saw red flags and ignored them. Often, we do this when the chemistry we experience with a new man is so intense or we are desperate to have a man in our lives.
It’s worth taking some time to look at why you attracted a man like this in the first place, as well as why you flew past the red flags. You don’t want to repeat this pattern again.
Everyone comes with a certain amount of baggage. And by the way, before you marry a man, it’s worth consulting a lawyer for advice on the what if’s…meaning what happens with my property if we get married?
Back to your baggage…since you’ve read my book, you know I’m a big advocate of Dating to Date, especially on a first date. This means keeping the date light and fun as you get to know someone new and interesting.
If you find a relationship developing over time, you can begin to share more about your personal life.
It’s scary for a potential boyfriend to hear the intensity of your life upfront…it will come off as drama on a first date. As he gets to know you, he’s likely to be more accepting of your circumstances.
In the meantime, you can just say you live with your children right now, which is totally acceptable for your age.
This is a great forum to get answers to your questions about over 50’s dating. Ask your questions on my website and I’ll try my best to give you answers in the next Dear Lisa column.
Until next time~
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
#1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon
Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here
#2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group
It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here
#3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program
I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.
If you are interested in learning more about how I can help, you can Click here to answer a few quick questions and schedule a call.
#4: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Click here to explore my YouTube channel for valuable tips on dating and relationships after 50! Discover insights that will empower you to attract the right partner with confidence.
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