Dear Lisa, Will Men Want To Date Me As An Overweight Woman?
Dear Lisa,
I haven’t been dating for a while. I got back online yesterday. A lot of the same old faces, but some were new. Quite a few men visited and checked out my profile, but no messages.
I have low self esteem as it is (a few bad relationships), so I’m thinking it’s my weight. I’m overweight, but I know I’m somewhat attractive because of comments other men have given me.
How do I get a man interested to look beyond my weight? You must admit, we look at the pictures first. Some of these men aren’t attractive at all and I just think. “who do they think they are!”
I’ve tried messaging some and no response. I’m just thinking they are shallow! What do I do? I’m already very discouraged. This is the 2nd time I’m trying this and so discouraged! Anna
Hi Anna,
Being overweight is so common at this age for both men and women. Yet it makes dating on regular dating sites difficult.
The key is to have really good pictures of yourself on there and a great profile.
Also you might want to check out what’s called niche dating sites. I have some on my site at https://www.findaqualityman.com/dating-sites/.
Also spend a few minutes googling dating sites for overweight men and women. You want someone who is going to accept you exactly how you are.
Don’t try and fake men out with head shots or pictures from a younger age when you were thinner.
Show the real you…just be on sites geared for who the real you is. Good luck!
Hi Lisa,
A 40-year-old man wants to get to know me, not for experimentation but rather out of curiosity. I think curiosity leads to experimentation. So…I am wondering why he is interested in me since I do not plan to ever have sex with him. TR
TR,
Over and over again, I’ve asked younger men why they are attracted to older women.
They’ve consistently shared 3 reasons why…
- They think older women aren’t as high maintenance as younger women…personally, I feel hair alone at this age is a full time maintenance job.
- They want sex and believe women over 50 are sexually starved so they’ll put out for them with little effort.
- They just like older women and think they are cool.
If you want to get to know this younger man, set the boundary up front as, “Sure I’ll meet…but I feel the only thing here is a friendship. If you’re ok with that, it would be great to meet you.”
Hope this helps you, TR.
Dear Lisa,
I am 64 living in New York. I would like to be in either a quality long term relationship or a marriage. I am dating a good man who lives 3 hours away. I believe he just prefers to keep his life like it is.
He has many friends and activities in his life. I have been invited once to an activity where he introduced me to the friends there. He also has some women friends who invite him to dinner.
They are not sleeping together but he enjoys their company. I don’t know if I am wasting my time with him. We have been talking since Feb. and dating since May. We see each other every 2 to 3 weeks for 2, 3 or 4 days at a time. I need some advice. Thanks, Jeanine
Jeanine,
Over 50’s dating and relationships are very different from the traditional way we did things in our 20’s.
Many men and women over 50 enjoy the company of the opposite sex but have no interest in a continuous relationship with one specific person.
Without more details, it’s hard to tell exactly what is going on.
He may consider you a “Booty Call.” You didn’t say if you were having sex with him but I am assuming you are with the amount of time you spend together.
If he introduced you to his friends as his girlfriend…that’s what he believes you are.
If he introduced you as his friend…that’s what you are to him and you know where you stand.
If this type of relationship is not what you want – and you feel you’d be settling staying in it when your goal is one that involves a long term commitment – it’s worth moving on.
If you enjoy his company and are okay getting together every couple of weeks, then he is perfect.
The ball is now in your court. Good luck.
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
#1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon
Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here
#2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group
It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here
#3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program
I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.
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#4: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
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Lisa I totally agree with Anna.I was on a dating site and men would look at the profile and not respond.Or if they did they were so much younger than me.I was bold enough to say to one guy if you looked at the profile 6 times and never responded to my message.Finally he said I was not what he was looking for.I know I have been out of the dating scene for awhile and I also put in the profile I had a few extra pounds.Guess they want the 20 to 40 somethings.Anna was right some of them were not looking that great either.Guess I just have to keep moving on.’m 61 almost 62 and proud of who I am!
Anna
Your post makes me sad but I am somewhat surprised as most older men (71%) are officially overweight. Though I am a smallish person, I get something similar because I am non-White, more educated than most regionally and live in small town. Lisa is right about the niche sites; not just for larger people but also try (if in line with your values) sites for the ecologically/spiritually conscious. The standard sites really work best only for those of us that truly fall into what’s considered average in terms of height/build/education/proximity to cities/lifestyle/values. I bailed on my last mainstream site and joined an eco site a few months ago; much better and less judgmental and frankly, the men are far more attractive too.
TR
I would add another to Lisa’s list. Younger dudes frequently are not stable career and financial – wise whereas we older chix generally are.
Jeanine
Having female friends isn’t the problem. Yep, lots of us do stuff with platonic opposite friends. The problem is he doesn’t want what you want.