Dear Lisa, Why Didn’t He Ask Me Out?

Dear Lisa,

Recently, I chatted with a really nice man and it seemed to be going great but nothing ended up happening. Is it possible that I gave him signs that I was somehow not interested when I really was? He did ask me if I got lonely and I said no. I didn’t want him thinking I was needy and couldn’t live my life without a man. Any advice why he seemed so keen and why it fizzled? Dee

Dee,

I know how frustrating situations like this can be. There are 2 things going on here.

#1- A man can have a great time with you but still not ask you out if you don’t fit his idea of the woman he thinks he wants to be with. Not fair but true.

#2- Men practically have to be hit over the head with signs you’re interested in him. When he asked if you were lonely, a good answer would have been something like this…

I’m never lonely when I’m on a fun date with a great guy like you.

It’s pretty bold but sometimes that’s what you have to do to get a man’s attention that let’s him know you are interested in a date with him. Get out there on a regular basis and flirt, flirt and flirt some more with men. Also pay attention to what they are saying to you.

I know it can sound cryptic like his question was to you. And it can feel like you need a Code Book to figure it all out.

But, here’s a tip for you…most men won’t put themselves in a position of being rejected by you. Instead he will test the waters with leading questions to see if it’s safe to take what is happening any further.

He may have taken your No I’m not lonely answer to mean…you are fine and don’t need a man in your life right now.

If he cooled off after your answer to his question…he perceived you weren’t interested and that’s why everything suddenly fizzled between the two of you.

Dear Lisa,

I get letters from men who seem so interested in getting to know me. We are sharing emails back and forth then suddenly they disappear and communication just ends. What is going on here? Wanda

Hi Wanda,

The plain and simple truth is…. he’s probably talking to a lot of women at the same time he’s talking with you.

He may have gone on a date with someone he liked and wanted to pursue so that’s why he stopped his communication with you.

It’s smart to not get emotionally invested in a man you are either emailing or spending time with on the phone.

In the future, you might want to consider meeting a man as soon as you can after communication starts. The longer the email and phone process are between the two of you, the more likely he is to disappear.

And…you never know but sometimes, a man shows up again when it doesn’t work out with the other woman. If he does and you’re still interested…meet him quickly so he doesn’t have enough time to disappear again with someone else.

Dear Lisa,

What is with the form letters men seem to send? It’s so obvious he knows nothing about me since the letters all about him. It feels like he’s trying to sell himself to the highest bidder. Yuck! Mary Ellen

Mary Ellen,

Men play the statistics game. One man told me he sent out 100 of these letters and got responses from 3 women. You see, men take a pounding online from women.

We expect them to pursue us and they do… but they are rejected over and over again by women on dating sites! So what happens is they give up being the Nice Guy who sends a personal note.

Out of sheer frustration they start sending a Dating Resume Broadcast about their life…and they send it to a lot of women… hoping someone will raise their hand and say, “I’m interested!”

These men want a relationship and even though they are doing it in a way that is a total turnoff to women, the guy that sends out the Dating Resume might be worth answering if a relationship is what you’re looking for too!

Let me know what you think in the comments.

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