Dear Lisa
I met this really nice man who is so different from me. He dresses terribly and at times I’m embarrassed to be seen in public with him. We also have different lifestyles, which may become a future problem. We both love to travel but he travels Super 8 Motel style and I’m more of a Ritz kind of girl. I know you must be thinking what is the deal here? What pulls me in is the way he worships me and just loves and adores me. He’d do anything for me. I’ve never had this happen before and it feels so good. I find I’m developing feelings for him yet my friends think I’m nuts telling me he’s beneath me. He’s super smart, kind and funny and I enjoy being with him. What should I do?
Colleen
Colleen
This man sounds like he has “External Issues” working against him with his not so great clothes and lifestyle choices.
Yet, he’s got going for him these wonderful “Internal Qualities and Values” like kindness, intelligence and his ability to make you laugh.
External qualities are always changeable and many men are open to having a woman change their style when it’s not up to date.
As for the travelling situation…. sounds like spending a lot of money on a hotel is not a priority for this man. It’s also possible he may not have the money needed for the lifestyle you desire and that is why his lifestyle is at a different level.
Are you ok with this? If you really liked him, would you be willing to foot the whole bill for the hotel you desire or let him pay towards this hotel, the same amount he’d have paid for a Super 8?
These are workable type qualities that can be figured out with good communication skills.
What’s not fixable or changeable in a man…. are the “Internal Qualities” of a man’s personality and his values.
Fortunately, it sounds like he’s a good man and you enjoy being with him so he is probably worth getting to know.
Try not to let your friends influence your decision about this man based on his clothes or his car. Your friends hopefully will see you are happy and will become more supportive of your decision to explore this relationship.
They say people come in our lives for a season, a time or a reason and that we learn about ourselves from every relationship we are a part so just enjoy this man while you are with him.
And remember…you don’t have to marry him. As a woman over 50, you can just appreciate his companionship and have fun while you’re together!
Dear Lisa
My 31-year marriage ended about 3 months ago. I’m not divorced yet but I’m thinking about dating. I figure it will be so much easier to get over my ex if someone else is in the picture. I’d love the support too from a guy. I already miss having a man around so I want to get a head start finding my next guy. How do I go about doing this?
Kathy
Kathy
I urge you to consider not dating …being only separated from the man you’ve been with for 31 years. It takes time to get over a relationship and sometimes the anger and grief doesn’t begin to appear until after the divorce.
Instead of dating right now, consider taking some time getting to know yourself again so you know what you will be bringing that is all your own to the next relationship.
Often in a long marriage, what we love doing become so entwined with our ex…we don’t know who we really are when we’re without him.
I remember after my first divorce being in a restaurant and hearing that a famous baseball player was dining in the next room.
I got so excited. Then I realized…. I hated baseball!
That excitement was about something my ex had always liked that he would share with me.
I realized in that moment it was time to discover what really excited me that had nothing to do with him.
Think about using this time to discover what excites you. Figure out a way to nourish YOU right now. Find fun classes to take. Go to dinner with friends. Take walks in a sunny park.
And give yourself permission to take the time to heal from this long relationship that has ended.
Chances are if you don’t…you will end up attracting the same type of man to work the same type of issues out with…. that you didn’t finish doing with your ex.
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Until Next Time~
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
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If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
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3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
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