Dear Lisa…How Long Will It Take To Meet Mr. Right
I am getting plenty of views since I went to an online dating site, but the men that interest me have not contacted me. They have “liked me” or chose me as a “favorite” but not contacted me. Should I contact them first? I always thought it was best to let the man make the first move so to speak. Sherry
Sherry,
You did not mention the dating site you’re on, but most of the big ones like Match, E-Harmony and Chemistry have huge databases of men’s pictures.
Anyone on the site can favor and wink at you but unless a man is a paid member, he can’t write to you.
It is worth checking out Plenty of Fish and Cupid.com, free sites that allow all members to communicate with each other.
You’ll find many of the men who are on the paid sites on these sites as well.
I hear how frustrated you feel that men you want to date aren’t contacting you.
Believe it or not, men feel the same about the women they are interested in.
We get this idea in our head that a man should be a certain way.
This ends up taking a huge number of men out of the playing field that could be good matches for you if you give them a chance.
It’s a good idea to talk with men who show interest in you.
Being comfortable around men takes practice! So speak and meet as many as you can.
On a first date, instead of seeing a guy as a potential husband, think of him as a new and interesting person you’ve met.
You can learn something from every man you meet. This is a great goal for dating.
When you come home, you can write the pearls of wisdom you’ve learned in a journal.
You asked about who should contact who first. Online etiquette rules say a man makes first contact with you.
But if you’re getting frustrated not meeting the men you want, write a guy first and see what happens.
In the meantime, wink back and favor those guys who favor you.
You never know… One might be the right guy for you.
Dear Lisa,
I’ve dated around 8 men over the past 3 months. Most have been first dates only. I’m finding online dating to be frustrating. How long does it take to meet Mr. Right? Jenn
Jenn,
The biggest problem with online dating is the huge expectation that you’ll meet the perfect guy for you right out of the box.
This rarely happens.
First of all, online dating is one-dimensional. You can’t tell who someone really is from a picture and a profile.
You need to speak with them then meet them.
Yet based on a picture, most women don’t give interested guys a chance.
If you saw Katie Couric talking about my Huffington Post article with Patty Stanger, you’d have heard Patty say that the biggest problem with online dating is the huge wish list someone has to live up to in order to date you.
If they don’t have one thing on the list… You say BYE-BYE.
No one is perfect. The key is to find someone you feel good around who doesn’t have your Deal Breakers.
If you click with a man in some way, whether its common interests, grandchildren or similar jobs, give him a chance.
You don’t have to figure out if he’s perfect on date #1.
It can take lots of dates with lots of men to find a good man for you.
Be patient and just keep dating.
If you find dating is hard and you don’t know what to do when it comes to men, check out this Complimentary Find Your Soul Mate Session.
We’ll talk about the Boomer Dating Formula that works for so many women our age.
I would love to hear what you think.
Until next time~
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
#1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon
Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here
#2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group
It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here
#3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program
I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.
If you are interested in learning more about how I can help, you can Click here to answer a few quick questions and schedule a call.
#4: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Click here to explore my YouTube channel for valuable tips on dating and relationships after 50! Discover insights that will empower you to attract the right partner with confidence.
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I follow the advice, shortened the wish list, broadened the physical type, started some of the conversations without being aggressive, and nada nothing, for months at a time, I think men are looking for blonde gym rats period the end, it is they who have the unrealistic wish lists not us. Some will chat, once they have your number, poof! Okcupid, pof, match, all the same, and jdate was the most unproductive so I did drop it. I maintain my good girlfriends and interests, when the universe is ready, it will provide, I can’t spend hours a day on this. Thanks for listening, Lenore
Dear Liza,
I like your advise so much. It was my lesson learn as well. I was facing all these challenges too so far.
From a Man’s point of view.
I’m 59 & have been “trying” online dating now for the past 6 months and have found it very frustrating trying to make online dating work because the women make it impossible to be successful yet they want to complain!
Specifically;
Woman DO NOT give men the opportunity to get to know them, when we send them a message, they REFUSE to answer our messages. We take the time to write them but yet they won’t even send a “template response” back stating something simple like, “Thanks for your message but you are not my type.” Or “I’ve met someone; want to find out if we will be successful so I’m taking a break right now from meeting new men.” Or whatever they want to write as long as it is something instead of ignoring the message.
The women are always lying by putting up old outdated pics or incorrect information about themselves. I will NOT start any relationship based upon a lie but yet they feel it is OK in doing just that. A deal breaker on the start of the first meeting. I DO NOT want to know what you looked like 10 years ago, I want to know what you look like TODAY (within the last 6 months).
Post more than just a head shot with sunglasses on. We would like to see a full body pic to see what you actually look like. Men are visual creatures; if you don’t turn us on with your pic we WILL NOT write you. REMEMBER, you will NOT get a second chance to make a first impression. I’ve found so many women that are overweight are the ones that usually post the head shots. Do you think that being overweight does not show up in your neck & cheeks? Tell the truth; show what you have to start off on the right footing. If you don’t like your looks or your weight, then get off the couch; do something about it instead of complaining about it.
Post at LEAST 5-6 pics of yourself; NOT of scenery pics or your kids; grandkids unless it’s in addition to the good 5-6 pics of yourself FIRST.
The same principal applies to your profile that usually has little to no information about yourself. Most men are shy when talking to women so you have to write about yourself in order to give us something to talk to you about or you might just get those unwanted ONE LINE hello’s. I’m extremely outgoing & if there is nothing in the woman’s profile I find it difficult to impossible to talk about anything constructive with the first message. “I’ll tell you later” doesn’t get it.
I know that there are many flaky men & also women out there because I’ve met a LOT already but you CANNOT learn much about each other sending email back & forth. When a man wants to meet you in a public place like a coffee shop, go ahead; meet him & if things don’t work out then make an excuse to leave. Remember that the first meeting is usually VERY strained to begin with for two people that have not been dating for many years since we were both married for so many years. Give him a break unless he is a total asshole.
If you don’t feel comfortable giving out your phone number ask him for his & you call him! I usually give out my number by the time I send the 2-3 messages to allow her to call me & also showing that I have nothing to hide like still being married.
If you see someone that you like, send him a message; take the first step for no one will think bad about you for doing it; you may just meet Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right now.
This is just the tip of the iceberg but if these get straightened out, it will be a great start to a potential start of a relationship.