Dear Lisa… How Do I Find Successful Men To Date As A Woman Over 50?
Dear Lisa,
My question is regarding your comment in your book… The Winning Dating Formula for Women Over 50 that “men our age like being the one to make first contact with a woman online…. most will fizzle if you’ve made the first move.” But then you say “spend at least 20-30 minutes per day browsing men’s profiles, writing to men you are interested and responding to emails.” So my question is, should I be the one to send an initial email or sit back and wait for the man to make the first contact?
Also, I did receive an email from a possible match. He sent me a two-line message, asked me a question about my musical interests and commented on my favorite travel places. I replied back, but he has not. I was surprised as he did make the first move, but then went away. Should I pursue or just assume he found someone better???
Thanks for any advice. This is all new to me and a bit scary at times too. Shirley
Shirley,
Great question. Let’s address first contact with a man. To get noticed by a man you can send a flirt or favor him. Doing this, you’ve told him it’s safe to write to you. You’re interested.
If you think you like a man and want to make first contact with him, you’ll want to be super clever about what you say. And make it very short and sweet. You’re only expectation is to get his attention to see if he’s interested in you.
So why did the guy who contacted you disappear? Here are 3 possible reasons…
- He’s writing a lot of women at the same time and your emails got lost in all of that.
- He’s found someone else.
- He stopped being interested.
Try not to get too focused on only one guy at a time. Emotionally, it’s so much easier on you when you are talking with a couple of guys at the same. This way, when one disappears, its not so devastating.
Dear Lisa,
Is there anything wrong with saying I just do not want to date right now or I am not looking for a relationship. I have been doing online dating for the past 2 years and I have met a lot of men that are interested in me. But it feels like I am trying to make myself interested in them. I am 58 looking younger and in good shape. Now I feel like I am not really interested in dating. I have an active social life with friends and family. I actually feel like I am okay being single. What is your take on this? I really do not feel lonely. Vickey
Vickey,
What you are feeling is quite normal. The main purpose for finding a man when you were young was to create children who will carry on the lineage of your families.
Today when you date, you don’t have to do that. You have choices. You can date to look for a mate, you can date to date and have dates with men when you want and on your terms or you can take a break from dating… something I recommend doing from time to time anyway to find yourself again.
It sounds like you have a great life. Enjoy it! One more thing… men are interested in you because you love your life so much. This type of passion is very appealing to a man.
Dear Lisa,
I bought your book and I still have one question. I am divorced from two very financially successful men. Financial stability and success is an important quality. Help! Thank you. MM
MM,
Here’s the thing MM, I totally understand where you’re coming from with financial success being an important quality. It’s often used as the gold standard for measuring who a man is. Yet money does not make a quality man and money may even have been part of the reason your two relationships failed.
It’s true, men who make a lot of money can take you wherever you want to go and can wine and dine you in some of the finest restaurants in the world.
For a man to continuously make this type of money, he often has a mistress named Work. And she takes a lot of his time and energy.
A man who is financially successful is happy to pay for you, believing his action of spending money shows you how much he loves you.
However, what most women are longing for is a man who she can share her life with on all levels without competing with someone or something else.
Could you be happy with a man who could financially hold his own on a smaller scale, plus be there for you emotionally?
Or are you okay with the man who will pay to make you happy but may not be there to wipe your tears when you’ve had a tough day?
I would love to hear your thoughts and comments about dating at this time in your life.
Until next time~
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
#1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon
Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here
#2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group
It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here
#3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program
I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.
If you are interested in learning more about how I can help, you can Click here to answer a few quick questions and schedule a call.
#4: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Click here to explore my YouTube channel for valuable tips on dating and relationships after 50! Discover insights that will empower you to attract the right partner with confidence.
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I just ended a long-term and very tumultous relationship with a life-long bachelor who had made his career his NO. 1 priority his entire life. Money was certainly NO OBJECT for this man and he bought the best of everything for himself (and sometimes for me). As nice as this was, after having been married to a man who didn’t earn half as much, it was extremely lacking in the type of emotional intimacy and trustworthy companionship that I finally realized I wanted and needed more so. However, I think this is a very personal question that every woman should ask herself. I know some women who are actually quite happy with an emotionally detached relationship, as long as their creature comforts are met and there’s financial security offered.
Money comes and goes. Love, true friendship, trust and kindness are a very rare find. When you find those things — don’t let go, money or not!
Wonderful words of wisdom Terri. Thank you for sharing your story. And you are right…every woman has to decide what is important to her and what her number one priority is for being happy in a relationship. Sounds like yours is a man who is emotionally there for you versus buying someone else to be there for you.
This past year, I have said a resounding “NO” to no less than 5, count em 5, local men that were financially irresponsible. Generally dudes that felt like retiring early, then found out that wasn’t going to work and now they are too old for the job market, do not want to leave to find work elsewhere, or are just plain looking for a meal ticket. One of these gems actually invited me to a lunch date which turned out to be at the local charity meals, put on by a church for those folks who GENUINELY need them. I am someone very responsible with a serious work ethic who supports four households and takes care of an elderly parent. The last thing I want is to finance someone else’s ski bum habit. Yep, these guys may be available as to time, but none of them wanted anything to do with helping to run my farm, do housework, or stop skiing so they can find a job and pay their fair share. Yep, someone obsessed with career is problematic but someone obsessed with wanting a meal ticket is also a problem. one needs to find a financially responsible man who is also present emotionally and is OK with ones lifestyle.
Lisa,
I have been divorced for a year and a half. I still don’t feel comfortable even looking for someone. I would like to go out and be with someone but not a relationship. How would I go about finding someone who just wants to be friends?