What Are Your Deal Breakers For Dating After 50?
What exactly is a dating Deal Breaker? These are the qualities a man either has or comes with that you can’t tolerate in your life. Or conversely, they are qualities a man MUST HAVE in order to date you, such as the same religion or culture.
Men also have Deal Breakers when it comes to dating you. But the difference between the sexes is men honor their Deal Breakers. You’ll see this when a man is in a relationship with a woman for years and years, and yet he won’t marry her.
In his mind, she has a Deal Breaker that isn’t suitable for marriage.
We as women have a tendency not to honor our Deal Breakers when it comes to men. We think with a little work and a lot of love, we can change him and all will be well in our world.
This just isn’t true. Men don’t change unless they want to change.
You might say, “But I love him so much.” If this is the case, and he has one of your Deal Breakers, you aren’t honoring yourself and you will be settling.
So many women choose to settle… They’re afraid no one out there is as good as this man – a man who has one of their Deal Breakers going on in his life.
This is an illusion. Your mind is playing tricks on you. All it does is take you to a place of scarcity when it comes to men. And with our age group leading the pack with the highest divorce rate of any generation these days, there is actually an abundance of men out there for you to date.
All you have to do is go to a mainstream dating website like Match.com and you’ll see thousands of men right in your area looking for a woman just like you, if you’re willing to give him a chance.
Now, let’s take a moment and talk about some common Deal Breakers worth thinking about.
- Pets – If you have a beloved Levi in your life like I do, then you’ll want a man who’ll treasure your puppy or kitten as much as you do.
- Children – With adult children or minors, where will you fit in the family equation? And if they are minor children, are you willing to deal with the teenage years again, especially if your kids are now adults?
- Smokers – I once had a boyfriend who’d take himself outside in all kinds of weather for a smoke. He’d stand outside my garage door and puff away, then he’d come in and wash his face before getting near me. That was love to him.
For me, it became a major DEAL BREAKER for future relationships. Regardless of what he did, he still smelled like smoke and I can’t seem to tolerate that smell.
- Religion – Do you need a man in your life who can share your religious beliefs, going to church or temple with you on a regular basis?
- Alcohol use – Are members of Alcohol Anonymous okay for you to date? Or do you want someone you can share a glass of wine with at the end of the day?
- Differences in sexual behavior – Whether it’s a full-blown Fifty Shades of Grey relationship you desire, or sex once a year on your birthday.
- Money issues and differences – Do you want him to pay for everything? Or can he be financially responsible for just his share?
Take some time to clear your head and really think about the specifics of your Deal Breakers and what each one really means to you. I guarantee whatever Deal Breakers you skip over now… will become major conflicts in your relationship at a later date.
It’s better to know what your Deal Breakers are and whether a man has them before you get too far into a new relationship.
While you’re thinking about it, why don’t you take a few moments and write your own Deal Breaker list. As you get to know a man, refer back to this list to see if he has the qualities it takes to be with you.
Remember, if a healthy long-term relationship is what you really desire in your life, then you’ll want to choose a man who doesn’t have the Deal Breakers you’ve put on your list. For more about Deal Breakers, check out my book, The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50.
I would love to hear what Deal Breakers are on your list…
Until next time~
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
#1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon
Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here
#2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group
It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here
#3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program
I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.
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Noquays dealbreakers:
1. yep, smoke is a biggie, both pot and nicotine as I am seriously allergic to the stuff
2. Financial irresponsibility/unwillingness to pull their weight as to cooking, chores, etc. I work full time, pay the bills, fix the house, run a small farm and long distance care for a parent. I am open and honest about this. I do not appreciate a guy with a “I want no responsibilities” lifestyle. I do not have time to clean up after someone else, nor can I afford to fully support someone else while they play all day, nor should I have to.
3. health and hygiene: I stay in shape, look good, dress appropriately, am always clean and do not smell, guys, you need to do these things too.
4. “Redneck” lifestyle: I am a PhD, environmentalist, organic farmer, traditional Native, and politically waaay left. Again, I am upfront about my values. Guys, do not call me an entitled b!@#$ because I do not like guns, TV, NASCAR, Rush Limbaugh, or any other manifestation of redneck culture.
5. Kids: I am in my 50’s, have already raised a brother starting when very young. I am glad that you are parenting your child, more men need to take this responsibility, but my parenting time is done.
6. Addictions = Really Bad News
I guess what I deal with a lot is a serious case of unequal expectations for men vs women. We women are supposed to look good, be financially successful, do all the housework, cooking, etc, stay in shape, make a man proud to be with them, and yet, I am constantly hit upon and chastised when refusing men that are none of these things. Go figure.
My deal breakers? Homophobia,
Cheapskate, Hates baseball,
That’s it.
Just last week I was telling a man that I have deal breakers and he seemed surprised. I also said I needed to decide what idiosyncrasies I could “put up with”. Now I’m thinking I don’t need to put up with any. There used to be just two things that were my deal breakers – smoking and acting like a know it all. After having dated several different men I have added a few more…such as using correct grammar and not being a sloppy eater. Is it really that hard to find a man who doesn’t say “I ain’t got none” while chewing with his mouth open? Never good to find yourself cringing while he’s talking or eating!
Here’s my dealbreaker: women who are down on men, angry with men or who say “men suck” or “men are lazy” or men are pigs, dummies, slobs, wolves, con artists, thugs, etc.
Some women write that blatantly in their profile, others say or imply it on a first date (which is always a signal to me to wrap up things early).
I could certainly never date such a woman and could never imagine a man who would. But good luck to those women. They’re going to need it.
1. cigarette smoking. Pot smoking isn’t a problem, as long as it doesn’t interfere with day to day life. I.e., at the level one would call a social drinker.
2. politics – I’m unabashedly left wing politically & socially, and especially where I live, that is a HUGE deal breaker for MEN. I’ve been called a “fat libtard” and told “go back where you came from” more times than I can count.
Along with that of course, goes no racists or homophobes.
3.No one super religious. I’m a culturally Jewish secular humanist. I meet all too many “Capital C” Christians where I live.
4. riding your Harley. I’m sorry, I’m afraid of motorcycles. YOU can ride yours, but I’m not getting on it.
Lisa, I found a man on pof and we have these things in common: We’re both left handed, smoke cigarettes, and neither one has a pet. It’s hard to find someone who uses the same hand when you’re left handed.
I actually did this in the past. Dealbreakers: Men who hunt for seashells at the beach. Men who wear Crocs. Men who wear a lot of jewelry. Men with only moustaches (that’s out of date). Guys who shave their heads (a little hair is better than none). Guys with a quick temper, or who are broke, or who drink too much. I forget what else!
Hello Lisa,
It also includes more for me I mean three more:
1. Attitude and approach in adjusting with my mood and behaviour.
2. Level of give by him at the crucial times i.e distressed times.
3. What a level of good friend he can be in general.
Thank you.
Thanks Lisa,you always make my day!knowing ones deal breakers is important fr having a sustainable relationship.Karibu tena,asante sanaa.
Thanks Lisa, this was a very timely article for me TODAY.I was in a dating relationship for 7+ years after my divorce of 30 years of marriage. It was so good to have a man who truly enjoyed doing all the things I like to do (hiking, kayaking, anything outdoors, music, etc.) But his deal breakers were: He liked to gamble on horse races (but he REFUSED to admit it is gambling) and since you can’t legally do that in Georgia he traded that for day trading the stock market (lost lots of money and is still losing but that isn’t gambling in his opinion). Won’t get a “real” job. He is just SURE he will one day make it in the market, IF ONLY he just had a whole lot of money to put in it (He has lost $80K of his 401) He is cheap (not just frugal). He has an extremely negative attitude. Has a bad temper (over small stuff) has really bad manners and poor social skills. And there are a few more.
Now looking at my own post here I am wondering WHY I feel I can’t do any better? I have a good job, secure retirement, good manner, social skills…. My male friends say I’m attractive, sexy, smart and funny. Why do we women tell ourselves this? Oh, wait, maybe it is because the men try to make us think/feel that they are the best we can do. Thanks, I needed this today 🙂
I’m seeing someone also similar unemployed likes to gamble. Irresponsible. I’m professional. Responsible I think that generation of men was accepted by women no matter what. Especially they’re mothers. This generation of women. Wants equally responsible men. They don’t understand why we don’t accept them. They’ll just have to live with they’re mothers(many do) or find women who rant so accomplished who won’t mind they’re behavior a problem
Wow, Robin. What an insight. I never put that together but yes, this man’s mother certainly did that with him and convinced him he was “special” (not just special to her). Thanks for the insight and best wishes!
He cannot have a temper. He must have the same faith as I do. He must love cats as well as dogs. He does not like to hunt. He is generous. He is romantic and he cannot smoke.
Your website is consistently of high quality. I go away; I return and read it; I always find substantive, smart, and empathetic information and advice. Thank you for remaining so sanguine in the face of anti-older women sentiments that soak our American culture.
As far as deal breakers go there is a difference between going on a date and a l.t.r. I am aa vegetarian and I couldn’t live with someone who cooked meat in the house.