Are You Trying To Date Davy Jones?
My sister and I love to head down memory lane, and we even try to drive by our childhood home every time we visit Cincinnati, the town we grew up in.
One favorite memory is the party we had where all the girls danced in front of posters of Davy Jones and Mickey Dolenz, listening to “Daydream Believer” and “I Want To Be Free.”
Remember how gorgeous Davy Jones was?
Remember the crush you probably had on him since he was so cute?
How do you feel about Davy Jones at 60? (May he rest in peace. Wasn’t it sad when he passed away a few years back?)
Here’s another one….do you know who this hottie is?
That’s Keith Richards of The Rolling Stones.
So masculine, so cute and that hair… Don’t you just love his longer hair?
If you’re like me, it reminds you of your youth and it triggers feelings from the first loves and crushes you experienced.
Now, I want to ask you a question…if you saw this picture of Keith over 60, would you want to date him?
Chances are, every time you go online you are subconsciously taking the young images of all the Davy’s and Keith’s with you to the dating site.
Yet who shows up? An old man and it’s shocking because you don’t see yourself as old.
I hear from a lot of women that when they meet men, the zing of the attraction factor just isn’t there for them.
I think expecting men to look and act a lot younger is part of the reason so many women struggle with dating.
I want to encourage you to give decent men a chance. Read mens’ online profiles, even if they don’t float your boat with their picture.
As we age, we all get less cute… I’m sorry to be such a “Debbie Downer” about this.
I just feel it’s important to start getting realistic about why you’re out there dating and what you want out of your relationships with men at this age.
I want you to take a moment and decide what’s important to you when it comes to attracting a Quality Man into your life.
Is it about having a hottie to hang onto?
Or is it about having a man at your side who is going to totally love you, emotionally support you when you need it and rub your feet when you’ve been standing in a pair of heels all day?
I would love to hear what you think.
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
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Lisa, I can’t say I agree and you are usually spot on. I think a streak of silver (I do not color my silver streaks) and a mature face are sexy. I have been taken aback by men 10 years older than the picture posted. Maybe if I saw the current picture, I still would have been interested, but the shock is another thing.
I’m realistic, the hottest hotties have their pick, I’m not “athletic and toned” I’m not very heavy or unattractive either, ( a plastic surgeon guessed my age wrong by quite a few years) but I think I have been fair with online dating, my male counterparts less so. They appear to want hotties only, regardless of their own, less than 100% fabulous traits.
Hi Lenore
You are right men do post pictures that aren’t current. Unfortunately so do many women.
The real key is giving all types of men a chance. What often happens is we’re drawn to the most handsome men only.
To me, Keith Richards is ghoulish and seeing him online looking the way he does, a lot of women would think…too old and too odd looking.
Yet, beneath the too old and too odd looking guy could be a great man who as you get to know him becomes quite handsome in your eyes.
There will always be the men and women online that figure, I’ll post a younger picture and once they get to know me, they’ll find I’m funny, compassionate, etc.
They are posting older pictures because they aren’t happy with who they are now and they’re afraid you won’t be either when you see their current picture. The difference is you don’t know the younger version to compare them to.
It may help to know they are coming from a place of insecurity that no one will love them as they are now…over 50 and 60. Thanks Lenore for your insights.
I agree with Lenore; I find silver haired men who are fit, in shape a real turn on. Btw, I myself am a nearly 53 year old athlete.
I am really turned off by overweight/obese guys that think they are a perfect match for me. Yep, we all age; I myself have my share of crows feet. however, aging is no excuse for not making your health a priority, actually keeping in shape is even more vital as we age. Yep, the hottest older guys will have the pick of younger chix; no power over that but yeah, guys that have not taken care of themselves need to have more realistic expectations and not get angry/defensive when a healthy older babe rejects them because they do not resemble their photos, or they are dishonest about their fitness levels. They are the ones putting themselves out as looking like Davy Jones (give me an older Sean Connery any day, much more class) when they really look like Keith Richards today. I am honest in my photos, men need to be too.
Hi NoQuay
Good hearing from you as always. Sounds like you aren’t going into dating with the idea of a young Davy Jones.
Yet… what you describe you are looking for is a certain type of man who must meet certain physical requirements to get you to notice him. It is nice to have a healthy man but how one is healthy is subjective these days. Even the western and alternative medical communities have differing opinions on this.
The thing to note is you may be limiting yourself by looking at this one type of man. There are lots of great guys out there who don’t hit the gym or eat meat and are very healthy. You might be missing them when you put a limiter on for exactly how they must be to date you.
Just some different food for thought.
The problem is, Lisa, that your lifestyles will not mesh well if one us sedentary, the other is very active and if you do not like his body, you really cannot respond physically to him, causing greater hurt. I did once try and date a short, heavy, man a good deal older. Didn’t work though he was a really kind person. He wanted to sit, I wanted to at least go for a walk. Life in the bedroom was a disaster.
Compatibility life styles is really important. You want to like similar activities and you need this to make a partnership at this age work. As for looks, men can grow on you but with so many differences, sounds like this one had no chance. Hopefully you were able to learn more about what you do and don’t want in a guy.
Lisa, this was a great post! About to turn 60 myself, I still attend concerts regularly when some of the great old (and amazingly, still living) bands of my youth come to town. I’ll find myself surveying the crowd, thinking ‘wow, there are a lot of old people here’… then I have to just laugh at myself!! 🙂 When you don’t look and feel your age, it’s easy to forget where you actually are on the timeline and like you said, you don’t see yourself as being older too.
But I also agree with the previous two posts. Too often when you find a man your age who still thinks and looks much younger, he’s only interested in much younger women. I understand it’s an ego boost, but seriously… I recently saw a post from a 60 year old who lives near me, with a desired age range for his ideal woman from 18-30. And I too have been burned by the guys who post a picture of themselves several years younger and many many pounds lighter. Like the guy looking for the 18-30 something, what the heck are they thinking? That we’re never going to notice the difference between the profile pic that caught our eye and reality?
I had a disastrous first (and last) date with a guy who was so much heavier than his picture that I couldn’t find him in the small coffee shop we were to meet in, after walking around several minutes looking for him, until he finally flagged me down. As the short evening progressed, I found many of the things he said about himself and his interests in his profile used to be true, but weren’t anymore. He soon caught on that this wasn’t going anywhere and called me superficial, like most of the women he’s gone out with. I asked him if it ever occurred to him that by posting such a fraudulent profile, that maybe those women weren’t so much superficial as wondering what else he was going to be dishonest about.
Bottom line is, people who want to successfully date online need to keep it real. And unfortunately, many don’t.
GOOD ONE LISA!
Did go on a blind date (set up by mutual friends) with one woman like this recently. Intelligent, attractive/youthful (45 but could pass for maybe 35), and successful. She spent the entire 3 hours of drinks and dinner talking about club life, DJs, modern music, chefs, art, and so on.
She showed me her Facebook page: about +200 people, nearly all guys, with very many 20-30 something male models, photographers, chefs, artists and DJs.
One good thing is that she could talk almost non-stop so I didn’t have to do anything but nod along. Of course, after the date neither of us contacted the other.
I think it’s actually good that she seems to be “getting what she wants in life” and seems so youthful. Just next time, I have to ask my friends not to set me up with any more +45 clubbers.
Sounds like your +45 clubber was very into herself and not into you. She just happened to be a clubber. A great way to get an idea of who someone is…is to have a chat with them on the phone to see if you have anything in common. Another great point…so many people initially choose partners based only on their looks. There are some good people out there who may not be the cutest yet can make a great partner. It’s the whole package that counts. I’d ask your friends in the future to set you up with women who are this whole package not just young looking. Good luck. Keep me posted.
no, I don’t think I’m looking for the 24 yr old Davy Jones at ALL. I DO think, however, that MEN are looking for the 24 year old BARBARELLA. (Actually, Jane Fonda was 29 when she made it, but). My last boyfriend was 5’9″ and about 225 – he had quite a beer belly – but I loved him. Unfortunately, he said that *I* was not athletic enough for HIM, so he dumped me. (I couldn’t climb rocky hilly trails, was afraid to kayak and unable to ride a bike, due to balance issues.)
I hear how tough that must be for you. I want you to know this is not a PERSONAL rejection of you. Probably what happened is you didn’t fit the picture of who he thought he wanted in his life…which is an athlete. Time to move on. Take some time to heal from this relationship. When you’re ready…. get out there and date again and find someone who matches your picture of who you want and visa versa. Keep us posted.
My cure for wishing physical hotness was becoming involved in a two year relationship with a man 20 years younger than myself. Whilst he “loved” me and told me i I was hot and this was good for my ego, his lack of emotional maturity didn’t really do it for me. My next boyfriend was 10 years older than me, physically fit and in shape, and the difference I felt was amazing. Also, he was so much more attractive in real life than his bad photo on the dating website.
After that I pretty well knew I could never want to be with a man less than 5 years younger than me, and that emotional maturity and experience were incredibly sexy for me. Now I laugh when younger men assume that older women would want a chance with them, because I am not among them!
It is almost like my mind tricked me into thinking that I couldn’t find an older man attractive physically; now I notice that everywhere there are older men who put effort in keeping fit and looking after themselves so they can attract a mate.
My love now is only four years younger than me( I am 51) but is incredibly emotionally mature as well as handsome and in shape and madly in love with me and supportive. I would not have met him if I had not sorted out what I was looking for and needed in a man versus what my ego or society told me I needed!:)I subscribe to the sheep scenerio now: apparently ewes won’t touch a new young, inexperienced ram if a more experienced ram is around – they have to remove the older ram from the scene to give him a chance. Give me the experienced ram!!
Katexo
Love your story Katexo. You talk about how hard it is to relate to younger (more than 5 years) men. Believe it or not, men have the same issue with the young ones. They may try them out, but the men who are secure and don’t need eye candy to boost their ego, come back to women closer to their age. The reason? They have more in common. Thanks for your sharing your story!
Great post Lisa. I have had the opposite experience. Twice now, I have had dates with men from whom their photos I was not quite sure about but their profiles were great. When I met them, they looked far better than their photos. The first one didn’t work out, the second one, I am still seeing. And after doing some work on my profile and photos, I began attracting great guys my own age who were interested in dating me.
You bring up a great point…your profile and especially your picture is what attracts great guys to you. Keep up the great work!
I did meet David Jones a few years before he passed on and had
the pleasure to enjoy some wine with him. I was attracted to him
at 12 yrs old and still attracted to him after he was in his 60’s and I
in my 50’s. He possessed the same sweet personality, high energy and
was extremely bright! So his hair had greyed but he was the same
charismatic, talented man and I was not let down from the puppy
love crush that I once had. And just to prove it wasn’t stardom
that I was enamored about…David Cassidy was there with us. Sounds
like a dream and I was happy to have lived it!
So my take…our David Jones is out there and don’t look for less than!
Hi De
What a lovely story. I love how you still thought he was pretty cool even though he looked nothing like his younger self. Its what is inside a man that really counts and your story proved this point. Kudos to you!
I agree that we “run to the shiny light” with what a guy looks like. But, doesn’t there need to be some element of attraction right off the bat? I look for a smile, something that makes me think a guy is easy going or at least not an uptight guy.
Wrong?
Cheryl,
The problem with online dating is those pictures are very one dimensional. A man’s personality can make a huge difference when it comes to attraction. You have to meet to put the two together.
I Do hear what you are saying about the looks of men over 50, but my problem is; if they are still going to want sex…..if I can’t stand to see them with clothes On, I SURE DON’T want to see them with clothes OFF. So if I have to settle for what I’m not attracted to for the hope of a relationship…..I will never have sex with the fat, whiskery, old codger I’ve been seeing on the sites. Only a few are a maybe and some of them won’t text back.
I actually ask one of my distant admirers and he told me, if an older man can get a younger woman HE WILL. So what does that tell you!!! If they still have any looks left, they would rather shoot themselves in the foot with a HIGH MAINTENANCE 30ish woman than give the ladies in his(our) age group a chance.
Please let me know how you feel about this.
Hi Nancy
Often times, men try out younger women and find that they have NOTHING IN COMMON. Thats when they come back to women closer to their age. Its an ego thing most of them feel the need to try out. The thing is…unless an older guy is fairly wealthy, younger women prefer their own age as well. Usually they just don’t share enough of the same values and life history to make it work for the long haul.
heck – *I* WANT SEX! And I’m 60 years old! What is all this thinking about we have to horde our precious sex and dole it out like a REWARD? or worse yet, have NO MORE interest????
I hate to have to say this, but so many of these comments sound so negative. Have you ever heard the phase ” your attitude determines your altitude?” Have you tried changing your mindset by telling yourself daily ” There is an abundance of quality men my age just waiting to meet me” . It really helped me and now I am meeting a lot of men in my age group who are interested in me. And one, who yes, could stand to lose a few pounds, turns out to be the sexiest man I have ever met in my life, and the chemistry is fantastic. And I’ve known him for two years now. So, please, stop judging the book by the cover and give the man a chance. Remember, age is just a number. Sorry for the vent.
Well said Bloomindale! And yeah for you!!!!! Glad to hear you are so happy!