Are you feeling invisible in the dating world?
You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here.
Today, we’re going to be talking about a really important topic that often comes up for women dating after 50.
Recently, one of the women on an episode of the “Golden Bachelor” shared with Gerry how invisible she felt in the dating world and that she doesn’t feel as significant as she did when she was younger.
Carrying a belief like this can hold you back from ever finding love after 50.
And the reason it can hold you back is that it comes from a deep place within the feeling of “I am not enough”.
This belief can be hard to overcome and that’s why today, I want to share 5 tips for how you can go from feeling invisible to feeling visible to men again at this time in your life.
Let’s get started.
#1 . . . Stop comparing yourself to when you were 20.
Feeling invisible can rear its head when you compare yourself to women in their 20’s who show up on social media with young beautiful faces and bodies and no wrinkles.
Or you might see an over 50’s actress looking amazing and you start thinking if I don’t look like that who’s going to want me?
Guess what?
They don’t look like that either.
They’ve been altered by Al programming.
Just think of the stories about people seeing gorgeous models who in real life look nothing like their pictures.
So do yourself a favor and stop comparing yourself to AI generated photos. They aren’t real!
You also make yourself invisible to men when you look in the mirror and compare yourself to how you looked in your 20’s then compare it to how you look today.
This is a huge trigger for feeling like you’re not enough to catch a man’s eye.
You are enough!
And, I want you to remember that a man doesn’t know what you looked like in your 20s.
I once showed a man I was dating a picture of myself from high school, and I asked him, “do you know who this is?”
He had no idea it was me.
So an easy way to shift your mindset about this is to remember that men don’t have a clue what you looked like in your 20’s.
They are attracted to you for who you are today as an amazing woman in her 50’s, 60’s or 70’s.
Tip #2 . . . Dating Updating
You want to own your magnificence because you are magnificent and that can be hard at times which leads us to another step you can take to help you stop feeling invisible.
It’s called Dating Updating.
Take a friend, go to your favorite store, and look for some new clothes that make you feel great.
Try some new makeup.
Try a new hairstyle.
Your goal is to find ways to feel really good about yourself.
Because when you feel good about yourself, you light up and that makes you very visible to men.
Tip #3 . . . Doing the Inner Work to get your confidence back.
If you’re not feeling enough, your glow is going to dim and you’re going to feel invisible.
A way to lift your confidence is to start appreciating yourself.
Ask yourself what you have to offer in a relationship.
You’re going to find it’s more than you probably even thought was there.
If you’re not sure what you have to offer, ask your friends, because they can objectively remind you of how amazing you really are.
The reason you want to feel good about yourself on the inside as well as the outside is that you can only attract from where you are emotionally, mentally and physically.
Also, know that men have told me over and over again how turned on they are by confident women.
Feeling confident, makes you glow which makes you visible and gorgeous both inside and out to men.
Tip #4 . . . Stay away from Debbie and Donnie Downers
Hanging with these types of people can absolutely sabotage your love life.
So let’s examine who these people are starting with Debbie Downers.
These are often your friends who sit around and complain about men, dating sites and how there is no one out there to date.
What this can do is create fear and anxiety in you.
And when you’re feeling fearful this creates self-doubt and makes it hard for you to be seen thus keeping you invisible.
When you’re worried you’ll attract scammers, or you think that no man will like you over 50 (they do!) or quality men don’t hang out on dating sites, then who do you attract?
Non-quality men, because that’s what your vibration is sending out to the Universe . . . “no one good is out there for me.”
People love to have their negative experiences validated and that’s what Debbie Downers do when they only focus on the negative aspects of dating.
Their stories keep them stuck because they are only looking at potential problems and can’t see the possibilities.
So how do you avoid them?
When you’re hanging with your friends and they go into a negative rant about dating, you can ask them to change the subject because you want to stay positive and upbeat about meeting men.
If they continue, you can sweetly say, “I’m heading to the lady’s room. Text me when you’re done talking about this.”
“Bitching” keeps you disempowered and invisible plus it keeps your dream at arm’s length.
Honoring yourself and your needs keeps you empowered and keeps you open to how you can make your dream come true.
Which do you want to come from in your life?
Let’s move on to Donnie Downers.
These are men who make broad statements like, I only date women in their 30’s thinking their way of dating is how all men date.
It’s not a true statement for all men.
But reading or hearing this type of statement can make you feel invisible to men over 50 because you believe this is how all men think.
I want you to know that there are lots of high-quality men who date women close to their age.
I had a client who met an amazing man 10 years younger than she is and they got married.
I’ve had clients date men close to their age or 3-5 years younger or older and they now live apart or together in amazing long-term committed relationships.
It’s true that men often try dating younger women but find they have nothing in common.
If you ask women in their 30’s if they want to date a guy in his 50’s or 60’s, they’ll scrunch their nose and say, “that’s like dating my grandpa.”
Young women who date older men usually do it for one of 2 reasons.
#1, they have “daddy issues” meaning their father either passed away when they were young or was absent from their lives growing up and they work this out with an older man in a relationship.
Or #2, they want a more affluent lifestyle than a man their age can provide.
Best thing you can do when you read something like. . . men only date younger women is to tell yourself this is only one man’s belief and because he believes this is true he’s NOT a good match for me.
Tip #5 . . . Opening your heart to love
So many women I’ve spoken with have shared they got so hurt in their last relationship that they just don’t know if they can do it again.
They are so afraid of feeling that kind of pain again and aren’t sure they want to risk it happening once more at this time in their life.
So they start to hide and protect their hearts by not meeting new men which makes them feel invisible.
If your heart is hiding from love, consider working with a therapist or a coach on how to open up again to your dream of connection with a good man.
It’s worth doing the work because when your heart is open you shine and that’s when good men will see you!
Believing in you!
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
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