The 9 Essential Rules For Writing Your Online Dating Profile
Your online dating profile is the first introduction a man has to you. You are literally marketing yourself to the male population online. For some women that sounds horrid but in real life we do it all the time.
If you met a man at a party, you would be doing the same thing; showing him your best side. The only difference is in real life you have time to immediately correct a faux pas.
Online, you don’t have that luxury so you need your profile to show you off in a way that will catch a man’s eye and interest right away. Since this is your first meet and greet, you want your profile to sound flirty and fun. That’s how you would be in real life.
Think again about when you met someone in person. You might laugh more at his jokes, you pay closer attention to what he says, and you show your best side. Here are the 9 rules for doing the same thing online.
1. Be exciting.
Excitement is what you want a man feeling when he’s done reading what you’ve written. You want him to push that email button as fast as he can to contact and meet you.
When determining what you want to put in your profile, you need to first know what your best qualities are. There’s nothing sexier to a man than your confidence. When you feel good about yourself, you will become a male magnet.
2. Be creative.
Come up with ideas or small stories that paint a picture of the two of you that a man can imagine himself in. You want to use a scene like this to capture the interest of a man. He won’t see the scene exactly like you do, but he is capable of visualizing the story you’ve created with him in it. And if he does, you’ve hooked him. If he can picture himself in your story, more than likely he will write to you.
Make your profile flirty. He doesn’t need to know everything about you in this first introduction.
3. The fewer “I’s” the better.
Think about it. When you go to a party and you meet someone who keeps saying, “I do this, I like that, I am this,” don’t you get bored? You might get stuck with that person for a long time unless someone rescues you.
Online, you have fewer than 10 seconds to get his attention before he moves on. Make them count! Try making your profile title catchy, using activities you’re involved with to create your online name. They can be kind of silly, but that’s okay. Your goal is to get a man’s attention quickly. Between your smile, a great picture and a goofy or clever name, you’ve got a chance to stand out from everyone else and be noticed.
4. Use proper spelling and grammar.
One big pet peeves for many men is horrible spelling and grammar in profiles. You can write your profile in Microsoft Word or other document programs so that it highlights any mistakes, and then cut and paste the paragraphs you’ve written to your profile online.
Little things like typos can be enough to make men quickly move on to someone else’s profile.
5. Don’t include these common faux pas.
I want you to know that in my 40’s, I made some of the dumbest mistakes when it came to profiles. I wrote things about making love on a beach with my soul mate. What in the world was I thinking? It sounded romantic to me. Leave sex out of your profile. It gives men the wrong impression and encourages those you probably aren’t interested in to write to you.
Leave out the words I’m looking for my soul mate from your profile. Men have told me they see it in every woman’s profile. Your goal is to look unique; not the same as everyone else.
6. Don’t brag.
Particularly, don’t brag about your out of this world looks. Men see what you look like but if you tell them in a bragging way, they’ll think you’re stuck up and move on.
7. Don’t make demands.
Try not to make demands in your profile about salaries and how you’d like to be entertained at the most expensive restaurants in your area. Even guys with money don’t want a woman telling them where to go and what to do.
They’ve had enough demands in their life including those put on them by ex-wives and families. They’re not looking for a repeat of what they just left.
8. Be true to who you are.
Otherwise it’s like false advertising, which is hard to keep up. Don’t try and pretend to be a certain way just to attract a Quality Man, when in reality, you are not that woman.
You have no control over who he ultimately wants or is looking for. You only have control over what you want in a Quality Man.
In fact, you do yourself a disservice pretending to be who you think a man wants. It actually sets you up for the wrong type of man to come into your life. Plus, it starts the relationship off in a false way. Be your authentic self and convey that in your profile.
9. End with a hook.
End your profile with a sentence that asks a man to show you he is interested. For example, “If romance and passion appeal to you like they do to me, let me know.” In other words, if he likes what you like, let you know by writing back.
Believing in You!
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One aspect of a profile, related to the writing of it, that alas, is ignored by many men and women AND is now, in many circles, sadly considered acceptable is basic honesty; LOOK LIKE YOUR PHOTOS, actually BE in shape if you claim to be, and if you stipulate a certain profession or salary range, have them be accurate, and be the height. age, marital status (separated, no matter how long, is NOT divorced) and weight you claim. No one gives you the benefit of the doubt based upon your wonderful personality (only ascertained over numerous dates) if you clearly lie about what you look like, who you are. It isn't fair to the other person who takes the time, expense, and effort to meet you. Dishonesty makes folks not only angry and suspicious about whatever else you're lying about. It's likely to be the number one thing that turns both men and women off to on line dating. Besides, why subject yourself to immediate rejection? Dating is hard enough as it is.
Well said.
From what I've experienced, the majority of men do not read the profiles. They go by pictures only. I have to request that a man read my profile after he's written me. Otherwise, they would not have written.
Perhaps the headline is a good idea, but even the few dates I had admitted they read nothing. Nothing! All that eloquent writing falling on blind eyes….
What you say about men is very true and that's why a great picture is so important. And why profiles need to be short, sweet and inviting.
Men don’t read the profiles, because 95% of them are the same:
“I love to laugh.”
“I comfortable in high heels or jeans.”
“I love to travel.”
“I love sunsets and fine wines.”
“I’m looking for my best friend and partner in crime.”
“No players!”
“No liars!”
“No drunks or drug addicts!”
“I love being out on the town, but also curling up in front of a good movie at home.”
“You MUST be into (X) type of music, have (Y) type of philosophy/politics and have (Z) lifestyle. You MUST NOT be into (C) type of music/sports or believe in (D) politics.”
Since most of the women’s profiles are almost copies, fantastical, don’t make much sense or are even a turnoff, we skip them or skim them. We figure, “I like her picture, she likes mine (since she’s agreed to meet),” so I’ll meet her and see what happens.”
Also, I think we like to imagine that we can read a woman’s personality from her photo, photo settings, and so on. The words just don’t matter as much. It’s not just pure lust (although that it is definitely there), we’re trying to read her personality. That’s why men (right or wrong) really emphasize photos.
Anyway, it’s not realistic to expect us to read through women’s long profiles (which, again, are almost identical and often incomprehensible) carefully weigh their most important aspects, match them against our own specs, and then, only then, consider contacting you for a date. I think a lot of women want men to do that, but in fact I don’t think hardly any men do that.
Lisa nailed it here by writing women should have their most awesome photos up with a pleasant, happy, inviting profile. Do that, and you’ll stand out from 95% of the women online.
Speed
What would you like to see in a woman’s profile?
Thanks.
For me, the most important thing in a profile is for the woman to convey that she is a woman. To paraphrase someone else, I am not looking for a specific type of woman any more than I would look for a particular type of painting in an art gallery or particular type of tree in a forest. I believe that every woman is or has the potential to be beautiful in her own way. Sort of a cliché, I know, but also true.
I like smiling pics, with at least one full body pic.
Positive or funny usernames like “onegoodwoman” or “whitejade” or “dreamer31” or “EnglishRose” or whatever. I don’t think it has to be breathtakingly creative. But if it’s positive or funny in some way, that’s enough.
Attractive, positive or funny headers like “Getaway Driver Wanted” or “Let me Straighten Your Tie” or “80s Music Fan Seeks Same” or “Uptown Girl Looking” or whatever. Again, I don’t think the benchmark is high. Attractive, funny or positive is enough.
Body of Profile: Something that shows me that she is a woman. She can do womanly things and likes being a woman. Likes beautiful things, whether that’s appreciating classical art, dressing up (or down) or just enjoying a nice meal or cruise or poem (pictures are better than words here). Or maybe she has her own ideas and style of what being a woman is. That’s cool, as long as I can see it is womanly. I don’t want to define it too tightly because, again, I don’t want to go into an art gallery looking for a single picture.
What I do definitely know, though, is that I don’t want to date any (more) women who reject all traditional notions of womanhood and define themselves by career, political beliefs, hobbies or causes.
Thanks Speed.
I have learned alot of specifics from you reply.
And, luckily, my profile has no career, political or causes.
But I do list dancing, (ballroom style, Fox trot, rhumba, etc) as a hobby.
I’m going to take your suggestions and review my profile with a critical eye.
Thanks again.