Hi, Lisa – what’s a really good way to say thanks but no thanks if a guy has been generous with his time and taken you out for drinks one evening and brunch on another day but I realize I like him but there is no real chemistry or deeper interest in him? Personally, as a really attractive and youthful 62 year old, I want to have chemistry AND shared interests and compatibility; so I am not interested in settling just to have a guy; however, I have enough experience to know that good friends are NOT a dime a dozen and sometimes (this happened to me) you can meet someone online who is not the right fit for the together forever dept but can be a friend, someone you support and who supports you…most guys are not interested in that; so how do you say in a kind way that you are not interested in the bigger picture but maybe in something else?
March 25, 2014 at 9:39 am
Lisa
Hi Diana
Great question. If you know you’re friending a man, offer to pay half the bill on the first date if its a meal. That’s a signal you’re not interested in having him keep you safe and protected. Then just say I’d love to be friends with you. Men’s reactions to be friended…some will be fine with it. Some will say I’m too attracted to you to just be your friend. I feel collecting guys as friends is a great way to be around male energy on a continuous basis. Let me know how it goes.
March 24, 2014 at 5:27 pm
Michelle smith
Thank you for sharing your knowledge- your advice is greatly appreciated. I have not been successful in the love dept. or relationships in general to date. kind regards Michelle
P.S. I have been deeply hurt am battle weary and do not think I will ever find the right person for me, I thought I had but he left the relationship
March 24, 2014 at 6:11 pm
Lisa
Hi Michelle
I’m sorry you are feeling so discouraged with dating. You bring up a very important point when you say you have been deeply hurt and are battle weary. This is very typical of over 50’s dating. Most in this generation have been so hurt they are afraid to be vulnerable again and when it gets tough, they leave rather than risk being even more hurt by staying. Watch for an affordable program I’m going to offer in May that is going to teach women how to really have fun dating at this age along with how to feel vulnerable and open again with men. Hang in there Michelle. Lots of healing hugs to you!
March 24, 2014 at 4:55 pm
Gab
I don’t relate to any of these assumed things on what woman do and how they turn men of. The main problem most of my of my girlfriends over 50 is actually meeting an available attractive man who is in their age range. Most the men on line are so full of baggage their undateable. Many men don’t grow after their marriage is over. Or are still attached to their ex wife in some way. Men with teenagers hide behind their children putting the new woman last. . Or are happy with no strings attached and try for the friends with benefits arrangement. Many men over 50 want to just keep dating and once conquered a woman move onto the next . This happens after about three months especially if the woman wants a commitment. Then there are the ones who will only date woman under 40 . I could go on.
If there are any good ones then there are are about 100 woman competing for the same guy. I have spoken to men in their fifties who are decent and they all say the same thing. There are so many woman to choose from. But the woman all say where are the decent guys in the late forties and fifties. That’s why there are countless dating coaches these days mainly catering for woman who can’t find a normal male who wants to be in relationship. The dating industry doesn’t have to cater for men because tts to easy for them.
March 24, 2014 at 6:05 pm
Lisa
Hi Gab…thank you for your comments. Working with both men and women, I have found the biggest underlying issue in over 50’s dating is that most men and women are afraid to open their hearts for fear of being hurt again. Intellectually they may want love but fear creates this drive to find the perfect person who just doesn’t exist. There are great men out there when you are willing to get past a man’s look as being the main criteria for happiness again. The key is how you feel around him.
March 24, 2014 at 4:46 pm
Lisa
I think these are great tips, depending on how “feminine” you mean. Helpless isn’t realistic but I wouldn’t be demanding either. There is probably a reasonable balance while still being myself. I don’t want to be a phony “little old me” type but I’ve never been an executive type either. Good article.
March 24, 2014 at 5:45 pm
Lisa
Thank you Lisa. Being feminine does not mean being helpless. It means asking a man for help and being willing to receive from men…something we weren’t necessarily taught how to do. We often ask for help in a way that sounds like an order to men even though it sounds sweet to us.
Lisa,
One of the tips you mentioned – Leave the demands out of your online profile reminded me of the ad I placed in a singles publication way before online dating – while I only got 5 responses – I only really needed one – and that one answered my ad and we have now been married for 30 years. The ad read: Single white female seeks companion for old age. Looks not important. Must have keen mind, pure heart and good humor!
(I guess there was a demand in there but it served me well!)
March 24, 2014 at 5:50 pm
Lisa
Hi Pegotty. Congrats on your 30 years together!!!!!! You can see why from the ad you wrote which is not demanding at all. You sounded open, kind, and like a woman who recognized the importance of qualities in a man versus just his looks. The demands women are making today are things like…. take me to the latest and best restaurant every week and you must make a certain amount to date me.
March 24, 2014 at 7:46 pm
diana
Hi, Lisa – what’s a really good way to say thanks but no thanks if a guy has been generous with his time and taken you out for drinks one evening and brunch on another day but I realize I like him but there is no real chemistry or deeper interest in him? Personally, as a really attractive and youthful 62 year old, I want to have chemistry AND shared interests and compatibility; so I am not interested in settling just to have a guy; however, I have enough experience to know that good friends are NOT a dime a dozen and sometimes (this happened to me) you can meet someone online who is not the right fit for the together forever dept but can be a friend, someone you support and who supports you…most guys are not interested in that; so how do you say in a kind way that you are not interested in the bigger picture but maybe in something else?
March 25, 2014 at 9:39 am
Lisa
Hi Diana
Great question. If you know you’re friending a man, offer to pay half the bill on the first date if its a meal. That’s a signal you’re not interested in having him keep you safe and protected. Then just say I’d love to be friends with you. Men’s reactions to be friended…some will be fine with it. Some will say I’m too attracted to you to just be your friend. I feel collecting guys as friends is a great way to be around male energy on a continuous basis. Let me know how it goes.
March 24, 2014 at 5:27 pm
Michelle smith
Thank you for sharing your knowledge- your advice is greatly appreciated. I have not been successful in the love dept. or relationships in general to date. kind regards Michelle
P.S. I have been deeply hurt am battle weary and do not think I will ever find the right person for me, I thought I had but he left the relationship
March 24, 2014 at 6:11 pm
Lisa
Hi Michelle
I’m sorry you are feeling so discouraged with dating. You bring up a very important point when you say you have been deeply hurt and are battle weary. This is very typical of over 50’s dating. Most in this generation have been so hurt they are afraid to be vulnerable again and when it gets tough, they leave rather than risk being even more hurt by staying. Watch for an affordable program I’m going to offer in May that is going to teach women how to really have fun dating at this age along with how to feel vulnerable and open again with men. Hang in there Michelle. Lots of healing hugs to you!
March 24, 2014 at 4:55 pm
Gab
I don’t relate to any of these assumed things on what woman do and how they turn men of. The main problem most of my of my girlfriends over 50 is actually meeting an available attractive man who is in their age range. Most the men on line are so full of baggage their undateable. Many men don’t grow after their marriage is over. Or are still attached to their ex wife in some way. Men with teenagers hide behind their children putting the new woman last. . Or are happy with no strings attached and try for the friends with benefits arrangement. Many men over 50 want to just keep dating and once conquered a woman move onto the next . This happens after about three months especially if the woman wants a commitment. Then there are the ones who will only date woman under 40 . I could go on.
If there are any good ones then there are are about 100 woman competing for the same guy. I have spoken to men in their fifties who are decent and they all say the same thing. There are so many woman to choose from. But the woman all say where are the decent guys in the late forties and fifties. That’s why there are countless dating coaches these days mainly catering for woman who can’t find a normal male who wants to be in relationship. The dating industry doesn’t have to cater for men because tts to easy for them.
March 24, 2014 at 6:05 pm
Lisa
Hi Gab…thank you for your comments. Working with both men and women, I have found the biggest underlying issue in over 50’s dating is that most men and women are afraid to open their hearts for fear of being hurt again. Intellectually they may want love but fear creates this drive to find the perfect person who just doesn’t exist. There are great men out there when you are willing to get past a man’s look as being the main criteria for happiness again. The key is how you feel around him.
March 24, 2014 at 4:46 pm
Lisa
I think these are great tips, depending on how “feminine” you mean. Helpless isn’t realistic but I wouldn’t be demanding either. There is probably a reasonable balance while still being myself. I don’t want to be a phony “little old me” type but I’ve never been an executive type either. Good article.
March 24, 2014 at 5:45 pm
Lisa
Thank you Lisa. Being feminine does not mean being helpless. It means asking a man for help and being willing to receive from men…something we weren’t necessarily taught how to do. We often ask for help in a way that sounds like an order to men even though it sounds sweet to us.
March 24, 2014 at 4:30 pm
Pegotty Cooper
Lisa,
One of the tips you mentioned – Leave the demands out of your online profile reminded me of the ad I placed in a singles publication way before online dating – while I only got 5 responses – I only really needed one – and that one answered my ad and we have now been married for 30 years. The ad read: Single white female seeks companion for old age. Looks not important. Must have keen mind, pure heart and good humor!
(I guess there was a demand in there but it served me well!)
March 24, 2014 at 5:50 pm
Lisa
Hi Pegotty. Congrats on your 30 years together!!!!!! You can see why from the ad you wrote which is not demanding at all. You sounded open, kind, and like a woman who recognized the importance of qualities in a man versus just his looks. The demands women are making today are things like…. take me to the latest and best restaurant every week and you must make a certain amount to date me.