5 Tips for Avoiding the Heartbreak of Ghosting in Over 50’s Dating
According to the Urban Dictionary, the definition of Ghosting is . . . “The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date.”
A real life definition looks like this . . . you meet a man, you have amazing chemistry, you hang out, have awesome sex, you bond with him then he disappears ultimately breaking your heart.
He doesn’t answer your calls or texts and you are so confused and concerned about his well being.
You’re feeling hurt.
You start to second guess yourself thinking maybe you did something wrong.
You can’t believe just last week, you were making plans and now he’s gone.
Any of this sound familiar?
If it does, you’re not alone.
Ghosting happens to both men and women every day.
Before the Internet, when people were fixed up by friends, no one would have thought to vanish into thin air like they do today.
Their reputation was at stake and they didn’t want to face the judgment of their friends doing a disappearing act.
Back in the day, it’s likely they’d have done the proper thing and said… “I think we’re not a match.”
You’d have had closure, maybe some tears but you’d have known why things weren’t working out.
In today’s world, no one is holding anyone accountable so it’s easy to disappear.
Men think by not answering your texts or calls, they are NOT hurting your feelings.
What they don’t realize is you hurt even more because you have no idea what caused the rift and no way to fix it.
You can’t totally prevent this from happening but I want to give you some warning signs that can help you at least recognize the potential for ghosting is there.
Warning Sign #1 is Chemistry . . . and I mean the type that is hot where you can’t take your hands off each other and the sex is so amazing
Hot chemistry can keep you from seeing who a man really is.
Why? Because hot chemistry and hot sex cause the hormone, oxytocin to be released.
This is the bonding hormone that you can feel for weeks after being intimate with a man.
And when you have all that oxytocin running through your body, you have a tendency to trust someone who might not be trustable.
The best thing you can do is to slow things down so you have an opportunity to get to know a man before you get too involved with him.
Warning Sign #2 is . . . He won’t commit to being exclusive with you.
You bring up the let’s be exclusive conversation and he comes back with something like, “we’re having so much fun, let’s just see where it goes.”
You agree to it because you’re bonding with him every time you have sex and what you have feels really good.
But the problem is the bonding can also cause you to misinterpret lust as love.
So pay attention when a man says he’s about the fun not about having a relationship with you.
This is a huge red flag if you want a relationship.
Warning Sign #3 . . . You find yourself feeling more clingy and needy because you don’t how you fit into his life.
You want to have the talk about the relationship and where it’s headed.
Instead of being honest about his feelings, he just disappears.
Why? Because he doesn’t want to get involved in some type of confrontation with you about how to move a relationship to the next level when in his mind, there is no relationship.
Warning Sign #4 . . . You start talking ‘future talk’ and he goes silent.
He knows there’s no future.
He’s just in this for the fun.
He stays silent when you talk about the future then disappears versus “hurting your feelings.”
Warning Sign #5 . . . He tries to end it but you draw him back into the relationship because you’ve bonded and you miss him so much when you’re apart.
At this point, he feels like you’re not hearing him so instead of going through the drama of another breakup with you he just disappears.
Really listen to the words a man says to you because men mean what they say.
And if you ignore his words or think he’ll change once he gets to know you better, you’re potentially setting yourself to be ghosted.
So remember these 5 tips.
They can save you a LOT of heartache and can keep you from getting involved with the wrong men.
Believing in You!
P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50
#1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon
Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here
#2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group
It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here
#3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program
I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.
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#4: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
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What about the man who goes through all the motions of establishing a relationship with you, initiates the future talk, says he’s in love with you…then several months in tells you it”s over…only to call you up six weeks later to tell you it was all a misunderstanding on his part and comes on strong again like gangbusters…just to disappear again with the words that he just can’t see us long term…? He always said he wanted openness and honesty. I listened to those words and trusted them. He kept from me his secret misgivings ( I still don’t know what they were) right up to the morning he ended things.
All I can say is fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
It was a heartbreak. I thought he was the one. But I am moving on.
I also believe that some men ghost because of their subconscious fears. I happened to cross paths about a year later with a man who had ghosted me after 5 great dates. This man had told me that his ex-wife had cheated on him but he was divorced about 25 years and had never remarried. I had called him after the fifth date and told him that I was visiting a girlfriend for a few days and when I would be coming back. I never heard from him again. When our paths crossed he said that the phone works both ways and that I should have called him! I told him (nicely) that I believe that if a man wants to really see a woman, he will find a way and that I had initiated the last conversation and told him when I was coming back. He implied that he did not call because he did not really know whether or not I was truly interested! I think he believes what he is saying and wants to play the blame game because he has no clue how much his subconscious fears are really running the show.
Before I knew better, I made the mistake of letting chemistry sweep me out of my senses. Long story short, he ghosted me after nearly three years together. The duration is what made it devastating. Even worse, I had to stuff my feelings so my kids wouldn’t see me fall apart. It’s now been five years, and I now realize he never loved me; he ran out of lust. Just say no to love bombers; they are all toxic underneath, no matter how charming they are on the surface.