Another and perhaps the first step is Togo over what occurred in the rship and the warning signs that you may have missed. Sadly, some of these things may not happen until later in the rship. My last “real” rship was 2+ years ago with a widower whom I’d met IRL. After 11/2 years, he told me, totally out of the blue after a great weekend together, that he’d been seeing someone and SHE wanted to meet me as she was into “all things Indian”, and that he wanted me to keep helping him train and still have the use of my home during an upcoming marathon. My response is not printable. It took me so much by surprise that I spent a lot of time looking for missed red flags. There were indications his late wife didn’t trust him. Although he’d begun dating me at an appropriate interval after his wife’s death, he’d actually started dating immediately after she died. I’d had a bad gut feeling about him from the start and had issues with a huge difference in our intellectual reasoning levels. I thought I was “broadening my horizons” but I’ve learned that gut is 100% correct. I did everything right; didn’t attach too soon, did all the “good girlfriend” stuff but dating and rships are a crap shoot. What happened opened my eyes that leaving my current job and town was mandatory although I’m in that weird age where I’m too young to retire and too old to be hired in academia. I’ve totally thrown away my life and exchanged it for another where I’m living more authentically and strictly following my enviro values. That may remove me from the quality dating pool permanently but why live in a way and place you hate just so quality men will accept you? Sometimes a heartbreak, or repeated heartbreaks, is a sign that greater change is needed, that perhaps you’re somewhere you don’t belong. I’d say, never make a new man jump thru hoops but pay attention and don’t attach prematurely. Sadly, it may not end well but as long as you behave with decency and integrity, that’s not on you.
October 22, 2019 at 12:35 pm
Lisa
Sounds like you are following your instincts now and growing by leaps and bounds. THat’s huge. Congrats!!!!!!
October 21, 2019 at 8:23 pm
Noquay
Another and perhaps the first step is Togo over what occurred in the rship and the warning signs that you may have missed. Sadly, some of these things may not happen until later in the rship. My last “real” rship was 2+ years ago with a widower whom I’d met IRL. After 11/2 years, he told me, totally out of the blue after a great weekend together, that he’d been seeing someone and SHE wanted to meet me as she was into “all things Indian”, and that he wanted me to keep helping him train and still have the use of my home during an upcoming marathon. My response is not printable. It took me so much by surprise that I spent a lot of time looking for missed red flags. There were indications his late wife didn’t trust him. Although he’d begun dating me at an appropriate interval after his wife’s death, he’d actually started dating immediately after she died. I’d had a bad gut feeling about him from the start and had issues with a huge difference in our intellectual reasoning levels. I thought I was “broadening my horizons” but I’ve learned that gut is 100% correct. I did everything right; didn’t attach too soon, did all the “good girlfriend” stuff but dating and rships are a crap shoot. What happened opened my eyes that leaving my current job and town was mandatory although I’m in that weird age where I’m too young to retire and too old to be hired in academia. I’ve totally thrown away my life and exchanged it for another where I’m living more authentically and strictly following my enviro values. That may remove me from the quality dating pool permanently but why live in a way and place you hate just so quality men will accept you? Sometimes a heartbreak, or repeated heartbreaks, is a sign that greater change is needed, that perhaps you’re somewhere you don’t belong. I’d say, never make a new man jump thru hoops but pay attention and don’t attach prematurely. Sadly, it may not end well but as long as you behave with decency and integrity, that’s not on you.
October 22, 2019 at 12:35 pm
Lisa
Sounds like you are following your instincts now and growing by leaps and bounds. THat’s huge. Congrats!!!!!!