10 Ways To Spot A Jerk After 50!
#1 A Jerk’s Actions Don’t Match His Words
A good guy will always follow through on what he tells you. When he can’t, he’ll let you know and won’t leave you trying to figure out what happened. If he’s not doing this, he’s not worthy of dating you.
#2 A Jerk Disappears Then Comes Back Then Disappears Again
This is a man hunting for what I call Shiny Penny Syndrome. He’s looking for someone who he perceives might be a better fit than you are. What makes him a jerk is when it doesn’t work out, he comes back to you until he finds his next conquest.
#3 A Jerk Is A Narcissist Who Wants His Way In Every Situation
He’ll manipulate you into doing what he wants to do even when you say NO. When you give in, you end up feeling like you betrayed yourself. A good guy will honor your No’s.
#4 A Jerk Treats Service People Poorly
If he takes you to his favorite restaurant and his meal shows up wrong, he’ll blast the poor waiter with his anger. This guy often displays road rage as well. A good guy knows things can go awry and gives someone a chance to correct it.
#5 A Jerk Takes You To A Party And Leaves You At The Door To Fend For Himself
A good guy will introduce you to the people he knows in the room and will make sure you’re taken care of with food, drinks and people to talk to.
#6 A Jerk Only Cares About Having His Needs Met
Your needs fall far below his on the priority list. A good guy is into pleasing you and making you happy. If he’s not, let him go.
#7 A Jerk is Usually Passive Aggressive.
If you’re trying to work an issue out, he’ll act like everything is ok. Get with other people and he bad mouths your decision looking for confirmation from others that he’s right. A good guy will work issues out with you and even if he disagrees with the final decision, he will keep it to himself.
#8 A Jerk Asks You For A Date But Doesn’t Call To Confirm Whether It’s Happening
You end up calling him and he holds your life up telling you he’s not sure how long his meeting is going to be. A Good Guy will make sure you have the details for your date including the time, place and when he’ll pick you up. Then he shows up or calls to let you know he’s running late…not the other way around.
#9 A Jerk Makes All The Decisions For Both Of You Thinking He Knows What’s Best For You
No one knows you better than you and a Good Guy will make sure your feelings and thoughts are part of the decision process.
#10 A Jerk Doesn’t Make Sure You Feel Emotionally, Physically or Spiritually Safe.
You may feel financially safe with him but that’s not enough. He’ll be the one criticizing what you wear or how you do things. A Good Guy may offer constructive criticism but does it in a loving way that encourages your personal growth.
Have you dated any Jerks lately? Hope you’ll share your experience by posting your comment here….
Also, in case you missed it….here’s my latest Huffington Post Article about the 8 Turn Off’s Post 50’s Men Need to Stop Doing. Close to 700 people commented on it. You can read it here…. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-copeland/dating-over-50-8-dating-turnoffs-men_b_3314123.html
Until next time lots of love and hugs to you!
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
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Oh my Gosh YES!! I have been involved for 3 yrs with a guy that “LOVE BOMBS” me with his wealth and fun, loving ways (even BEGGED me to marry him several times)and then just disappears only to come back and do it all over again. I was completely taken by him and for 2 yrs tried to help and figure him out. His words were NEVER constant with his behavior/actions. That was the first and HUGE sign that I just passed off but it made me insane all the time. But then he got sloppy and I found the other women. Finally after, now 3 yrs, I finally got it,(he never really loved me) I even studied and went to retreats on Sociopathic and Psychopathic personalities. Girls they are everywhere (1 in 10) so be educated and listen to what Lisa is saying, keep your radar up and don’t be afraid to walk when you feel or see these signs. These men will say and do anything to keep you around.
Thank you Donna for sharing your experience. I know this wasn’t an easy journey for you and a tough lesson to learn. I hope things are turning around for you in your love life.
What do you do when your jerk has spent years convincing you he is genuine, moves you across the country, then shows you his true self? This happened to me. After multiple visits back and forth, a warm welcome from his friends and family, and daily phone calls, plus being vetted by my friends and family, I agreed to move in with him and marry him. Once I had no home, no work, no car, and no support group where I was, he threw me out for another woman. The most bizarre day was when he asked me how he could get me back if the other woman did not work out!
Oh Cathy….what a difficult experience this must have been for you. I hope you told this man NO to his question of coming back if she didn’t work out. You deserve so much better!
I told him no and that he needs help. So next he asked me if he is evil. I would never trust a word out of his mouth again. And thank you, I do deserve so much better.
Yes you do and the best part is you know you do! Congrats on that 🙂
It’s kind of included in the list, but “blowing hot and cold” is a major indicator that it’s time to run. I foolishly became involved with a colleague (very, very alone, small town, no good men) who fits the definition of “socialized psychopath” very well. He strung me along for two years while juggling at least one other woman, if not more. He met many of the criteria in the post. I am sooo glad there are these types of sites out there so now I can spot red flags before I emotionally invest in anyone again.
You call them Jerks
I call them Rats…
Potatoe…potato!!!
They are one and the same.
Thanks, Lisa, for calling them out for what they are. Ladies, listen up. Lisa knows what she is talking about and will save you heartache if you get the Jerks (Rats) out of your life.
Marcia Reece
Secrets of the Marriage Mouse
Hi Marcia
Thanks for your wonderful compliment! Lots of hugs to you.
Lisa
I have date with these following Jerks lately. Here you are Jerk number two and number three. It was my challenges about this because it is too hard for me to trust him especially in Jerk three. He really wants me to do what he wants and needs but I don’t want to do it at all. Sometime he respects my opinion about that but sometime not. I am not sure how I can deal with it sometime. However, I am happy with your ideas here and hope it can help me.
Thanks so much for this, Lisa! I’ve just started dating, was widowed after a 30-year marriage. A man I’ve been seeing for the past month has raised my hackles, and I was feeling a little guilty and judgmental about my decision to cut him off (he is clueless, thinking he can drift in and out of my weeks whenever he pleases). Your post appeared in my email, and lo and behold, the jerk meets 7 of 10 criteria for a 50+ jerk! Wow, I’m SO glad I didn’t let him continue to string me along.
These men can only continue to do this because stupid women allow themselves to be strung along. We’d be far better off if we developed good, supportive friendships with other savvy women while wading through jerks; then we’d at least have quality company while searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack.
Hi Elle
So glad this post was able to give you clarity about the man you were dating. We often excuse men’s behavior just to be with a man. Good for you for using this information to make male choices that feel better to you. Lots of hugs to you and if you ever feel you would like to learn more about the tools and skills for dating at this age, let me know.