Thanks so much for this, Lisa! I’ve just started dating, was widowed after a 30-year marriage. A man I’ve been seeing for the past month has raised my hackles, and I was feeling a little guilty and judgmental about my decision to cut him off (he is clueless, thinking he can drift in and out of my weeks whenever he pleases). Your post appeared in my email, and lo and behold, the jerk meets 7 of 10 criteria for a 50+ jerk! Wow, I’m SO glad I didn’t let him continue to string me along.
These men can only continue to do this because stupid women allow themselves to be strung along. We’d be far better off if we developed good, supportive friendships with other savvy women while wading through jerks; then we’d at least have quality company while searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack.
June 7, 2013 at 2:45 pm
Lisa
Hi Elle
So glad this post was able to give you clarity about the man you were dating. We often excuse men’s behavior just to be with a man. Good for you for using this information to make male choices that feel better to you. Lots of hugs to you and if you ever feel you would like to learn more about the tools and skills for dating at this age, let me know.
June 6, 2013 at 1:31 pm
sorphea
I have date with these following Jerks lately. Here you are Jerk number two and number three. It was my challenges about this because it is too hard for me to trust him especially in Jerk three. He really wants me to do what he wants and needs but I don’t want to do it at all. Sometime he respects my opinion about that but sometime not. I am not sure how I can deal with it sometime. However, I am happy with your ideas here and hope it can help me.
You call them Jerks
I call them Rats…
Potatoe…potato!!!
They are one and the same.
Thanks, Lisa, for calling them out for what they are. Ladies, listen up. Lisa knows what she is talking about and will save you heartache if you get the Jerks (Rats) out of your life.
Marcia Reece
Secrets of the Marriage Mouse
June 5, 2013 at 9:12 pm
Lisa
Hi Marcia
Thanks for your wonderful compliment! Lots of hugs to you.
Lisa
June 4, 2013 at 3:46 pm
noquay
It’s kind of included in the list, but “blowing hot and cold” is a major indicator that it’s time to run. I foolishly became involved with a colleague (very, very alone, small town, no good men) who fits the definition of “socialized psychopath” very well. He strung me along for two years while juggling at least one other woman, if not more. He met many of the criteria in the post. I am sooo glad there are these types of sites out there so now I can spot red flags before I emotionally invest in anyone again.
June 3, 2013 at 9:18 pm
Cathy
What do you do when your jerk has spent years convincing you he is genuine, moves you across the country, then shows you his true self? This happened to me. After multiple visits back and forth, a warm welcome from his friends and family, and daily phone calls, plus being vetted by my friends and family, I agreed to move in with him and marry him. Once I had no home, no work, no car, and no support group where I was, he threw me out for another woman. The most bizarre day was when he asked me how he could get me back if the other woman did not work out!
June 3, 2013 at 10:01 pm
Lisa
Oh Cathy….what a difficult experience this must have been for you. I hope you told this man NO to his question of coming back if she didn’t work out. You deserve so much better!
June 3, 2013 at 10:06 pm
Cathy
I told him no and that he needs help. So next he asked me if he is evil. I would never trust a word out of his mouth again. And thank you, I do deserve so much better.
June 3, 2013 at 11:47 pm
Lisa
Yes you do and the best part is you know you do! Congrats on that 🙂
June 3, 2013 at 1:29 pm
Donna
Oh my Gosh YES!! I have been involved for 3 yrs with a guy that “LOVE BOMBS” me with his wealth and fun, loving ways (even BEGGED me to marry him several times)and then just disappears only to come back and do it all over again. I was completely taken by him and for 2 yrs tried to help and figure him out. His words were NEVER constant with his behavior/actions. That was the first and HUGE sign that I just passed off but it made me insane all the time. But then he got sloppy and I found the other women. Finally after, now 3 yrs, I finally got it,(he never really loved me) I even studied and went to retreats on Sociopathic and Psychopathic personalities. Girls they are everywhere (1 in 10) so be educated and listen to what Lisa is saying, keep your radar up and don’t be afraid to walk when you feel or see these signs. These men will say and do anything to keep you around.
June 3, 2013 at 10:00 pm
Lisa
Thank you Donna for sharing your experience. I know this wasn’t an easy journey for you and a tough lesson to learn. I hope things are turning around for you in your love life.
June 7, 2013 at 2:27 pm
Elle
Thanks so much for this, Lisa! I’ve just started dating, was widowed after a 30-year marriage. A man I’ve been seeing for the past month has raised my hackles, and I was feeling a little guilty and judgmental about my decision to cut him off (he is clueless, thinking he can drift in and out of my weeks whenever he pleases). Your post appeared in my email, and lo and behold, the jerk meets 7 of 10 criteria for a 50+ jerk! Wow, I’m SO glad I didn’t let him continue to string me along.
These men can only continue to do this because stupid women allow themselves to be strung along. We’d be far better off if we developed good, supportive friendships with other savvy women while wading through jerks; then we’d at least have quality company while searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack.
June 7, 2013 at 2:45 pm
Lisa
Hi Elle
So glad this post was able to give you clarity about the man you were dating. We often excuse men’s behavior just to be with a man. Good for you for using this information to make male choices that feel better to you. Lots of hugs to you and if you ever feel you would like to learn more about the tools and skills for dating at this age, let me know.
June 6, 2013 at 1:31 pm
sorphea
I have date with these following Jerks lately. Here you are Jerk number two and number three. It was my challenges about this because it is too hard for me to trust him especially in Jerk three. He really wants me to do what he wants and needs but I don’t want to do it at all. Sometime he respects my opinion about that but sometime not. I am not sure how I can deal with it sometime. However, I am happy with your ideas here and hope it can help me.
June 5, 2013 at 7:54 pm
Marcia Reece
You call them Jerks
I call them Rats…
Potatoe…potato!!!
They are one and the same.
Thanks, Lisa, for calling them out for what they are. Ladies, listen up. Lisa knows what she is talking about and will save you heartache if you get the Jerks (Rats) out of your life.
Marcia Reece
Secrets of the Marriage Mouse
June 5, 2013 at 9:12 pm
Lisa
Hi Marcia
Thanks for your wonderful compliment! Lots of hugs to you.
Lisa
June 4, 2013 at 3:46 pm
noquay
It’s kind of included in the list, but “blowing hot and cold” is a major indicator that it’s time to run. I foolishly became involved with a colleague (very, very alone, small town, no good men) who fits the definition of “socialized psychopath” very well. He strung me along for two years while juggling at least one other woman, if not more. He met many of the criteria in the post. I am sooo glad there are these types of sites out there so now I can spot red flags before I emotionally invest in anyone again.
June 3, 2013 at 9:18 pm
Cathy
What do you do when your jerk has spent years convincing you he is genuine, moves you across the country, then shows you his true self? This happened to me. After multiple visits back and forth, a warm welcome from his friends and family, and daily phone calls, plus being vetted by my friends and family, I agreed to move in with him and marry him. Once I had no home, no work, no car, and no support group where I was, he threw me out for another woman. The most bizarre day was when he asked me how he could get me back if the other woman did not work out!
June 3, 2013 at 10:01 pm
Lisa
Oh Cathy….what a difficult experience this must have been for you. I hope you told this man NO to his question of coming back if she didn’t work out. You deserve so much better!
June 3, 2013 at 10:06 pm
Cathy
I told him no and that he needs help. So next he asked me if he is evil. I would never trust a word out of his mouth again. And thank you, I do deserve so much better.
June 3, 2013 at 11:47 pm
Lisa
Yes you do and the best part is you know you do! Congrats on that 🙂
June 3, 2013 at 1:29 pm
Donna
Oh my Gosh YES!! I have been involved for 3 yrs with a guy that “LOVE BOMBS” me with his wealth and fun, loving ways (even BEGGED me to marry him several times)and then just disappears only to come back and do it all over again. I was completely taken by him and for 2 yrs tried to help and figure him out. His words were NEVER constant with his behavior/actions. That was the first and HUGE sign that I just passed off but it made me insane all the time. But then he got sloppy and I found the other women. Finally after, now 3 yrs, I finally got it,(he never really loved me) I even studied and went to retreats on Sociopathic and Psychopathic personalities. Girls they are everywhere (1 in 10) so be educated and listen to what Lisa is saying, keep your radar up and don’t be afraid to walk when you feel or see these signs. These men will say and do anything to keep you around.
June 3, 2013 at 10:00 pm
Lisa
Thank you Donna for sharing your experience. I know this wasn’t an easy journey for you and a tough lesson to learn. I hope things are turning around for you in your love life.