Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge and experience!
Having gone through a recent break-up, it came as something unexpected, a revelation actually that I had remained in a relationship with the wrong person for 14 years due to many of the fears you mentioned in your post. It was a way of avoiding the risks and rejections that are part of dating. When singlehood was forced upon me at the ripe old age of 58, much to my surprise I felt liberated instead of devastated!! Suddenly I had reason to hope for something more … It’s hard to explain but for reasons I can’t yet articulate I was excited to be dating again. I think this attitude must come across in my encounters because thus far my experiences have been good ones. I haven’t had this much fun in years!
June 30, 2015 at 1:44 pm
Lisa
Hi TJ
So appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Thats really great insight you’ve had into your life. Keep up the great work and keep having fun dating! Lots of hugs~
June 30, 2015 at 10:00 am
Noquay
Good post Lisa; here are some of my fears though I still get “out there”:
I am currently on three niche sites, one for enviros, one for intellectuals, one for athletic types. The problem with free sites and sites like Match are the desperate “locals”. I am afraid of being stalked again.
I practice social skills daily, especially in the summer when my only job is my farm. A lot of men flirt, get into convos, seem interested yet they’re actually “taken”. Have been terribly hurt twice this way and
It’s at the point where I am afraid to respond to an attractive guy lest he be unavailable.
Since I live in a small mountain town, older guys who are healthy and educated are all “outsiders”. Many guys travel here to train and theoretically be a good source of healthy men. However, guys willing to drive here to date all seem to be wounded birds with few options. Now when a man shows interest, I worry what is wrong with him.
Spending an entire day cleaning, spiffing up the farm, gathering expensive groceries for a good meal, or driving 100 miles+ to meet someone is expensive and time consuming. Frustrating when the dude looks nothing like his pics/has a weird vibe/hid a serious health problem/is walking wounded. I am afraid to waste time/money.
Fear of disclosing the place where I live as I will be considered a redneck or trashy.
Fear that time is running out and I will be alone for good. I have no family so this is major.
Fear that only the wounded/desperate/unhealthy/uneducated will want a mixed race, older, wiry, enviro chick with unattractive, muscular legs
Fear that I am seen as too strong and independent yet as a woman on her own, I have to be.
Since a couple of the aforementioned attached dudes really caused a lot of pain, one of which has taken four long years to get over, and destroyed enjoyment of my job (he was a colleague) I am very afraid of being hurt like that again so have become a lot more cautious, harsh, and reluctant to attach emotionally.
Since I cannot retire for 5 years, I am afraid the above is all there’s going to be.
June 30, 2015 at 10:57 am
Lisa
There is a Universal Law that goes like this…What we focus on is what shows up in our lives. I’d love to see you start focusing on the idea that there are good men out there to date and that you will connect with the right one. Also get some help whether it’s my book, the Fun Path Program, or One on One Coaching. I’ve used coaches for years and what I’ve found is they can often see what I can’t plus they hold the vision of believing in my ability to get what I want. Lots of hugs to you~
June 29, 2015 at 11:22 pm
Danise
My dating fears begin when I look in the mirror.
I will continue to read your advice Lisa, because you offer a new perspective.
Thank you.
June 30, 2015 at 10:53 am
Lisa
Denise…it’s important you get your confidence back. I’ve mentioned my book in a couple of these threads. I devote a chapter to rebuilding your confidence that I think would be a great place to start. This is the link….The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50. So appreciate you writing and hang in there. Hugs~
June 29, 2015 at 6:14 pm
Vickey
Thanks so much for the info.I have been out of the dating scene for a very long time.I’m 61yrs old and scared to death.I’m trying to get out there so I signed up on one of the sites.Hopefully things will work out.
June 29, 2015 at 6:21 pm
Lisa
Hi Vickey….Congrats for signing up of one of the sites. That’s exciting. As I mentioned to Jane in the other comments here, if you haven’t read my book, I think it could help with some of those fears. You can take a look at the book here….The Winning Dating Formula for Women Over 50. Also keep reading the blogs sent every week. I remember when I was afraid of dating. Now in hindsight, it came from not knowing what to do. The book is a great start for that. Keep us posted on how its going. Lots of hugs~
June 29, 2015 at 5:25 pm
Jane
Thanks, Lisa!
Your info is so great, I DID buy the book and signed up for the weeklies. I have been totally encouraged by your experiences and knowledge, that I’m feeling that dating is for fun, not a chore!! So good date or not, I am going to have fun!!
Jane
June 29, 2015 at 5:35 pm
Lisa
You go for it Jane!!!!! Let me know what you think of the book. Hugs~
June 29, 2015 at 10:51 am
Jane
Hello Lisa,
Thank you for being a wonderful writer and communicator. I just discovered your website and am enjoying reading your blog, immensely!
Of course I am a 50+ in the dating scene. The problem is that I do not know if I WANT to date or if I am SCARED to date and this article really helps me see fears and try to overcome.
My problem is my own low self-esteem and feeling I am not attractive enough (a bit overweight). I know not to fixate on that on a date (per your blog) and the men I have dated have said they found me attractive, but I feel once intimacy comes along–that perception will change! I don’t dress falsely, but the outer shell is so much more attractive than without the shell.
I’m looking for your blog entries on this…I know I need to overcome my lack of confidence when it comes to intimacy!!
But on the good news side…I have met someone, we have emailed just enough for the phone call this week and hopefully a coffee this weekend! Yahoo!
Jane
June 29, 2015 at 11:57 am
Lisa
Hi Jane…glad you are enjoying these blogs. I send one weekly that automatically happens when you sign up for the free report that is on the right side.
Self esteem issues are huge for our age. If you haven’t read my book, I think it could help with some of that. You can take a look at the book here….The Winning Dating Formula for Women Over 50.
In the meantime, have fun on your date and keep us posted on what happens.
Lots of hugs~
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June 30, 2015 at 11:41 am
tj
Lisa,
Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge and experience!
Having gone through a recent break-up, it came as something unexpected, a revelation actually that I had remained in a relationship with the wrong person for 14 years due to many of the fears you mentioned in your post. It was a way of avoiding the risks and rejections that are part of dating. When singlehood was forced upon me at the ripe old age of 58, much to my surprise I felt liberated instead of devastated!! Suddenly I had reason to hope for something more … It’s hard to explain but for reasons I can’t yet articulate I was excited to be dating again. I think this attitude must come across in my encounters because thus far my experiences have been good ones. I haven’t had this much fun in years!
June 30, 2015 at 1:44 pm
Lisa
Hi TJ
So appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Thats really great insight you’ve had into your life. Keep up the great work and keep having fun dating! Lots of hugs~
June 30, 2015 at 10:00 am
Noquay
Good post Lisa; here are some of my fears though I still get “out there”:
I am currently on three niche sites, one for enviros, one for intellectuals, one for athletic types. The problem with free sites and sites like Match are the desperate “locals”. I am afraid of being stalked again.
I practice social skills daily, especially in the summer when my only job is my farm. A lot of men flirt, get into convos, seem interested yet they’re actually “taken”. Have been terribly hurt twice this way and
It’s at the point where I am afraid to respond to an attractive guy lest he be unavailable.
Since I live in a small mountain town, older guys who are healthy and educated are all “outsiders”. Many guys travel here to train and theoretically be a good source of healthy men. However, guys willing to drive here to date all seem to be wounded birds with few options. Now when a man shows interest, I worry what is wrong with him.
Spending an entire day cleaning, spiffing up the farm, gathering expensive groceries for a good meal, or driving 100 miles+ to meet someone is expensive and time consuming. Frustrating when the dude looks nothing like his pics/has a weird vibe/hid a serious health problem/is walking wounded. I am afraid to waste time/money.
Fear of disclosing the place where I live as I will be considered a redneck or trashy.
Fear that time is running out and I will be alone for good. I have no family so this is major.
Fear that only the wounded/desperate/unhealthy/uneducated will want a mixed race, older, wiry, enviro chick with unattractive, muscular legs
Fear that I am seen as too strong and independent yet as a woman on her own, I have to be.
Since a couple of the aforementioned attached dudes really caused a lot of pain, one of which has taken four long years to get over, and destroyed enjoyment of my job (he was a colleague) I am very afraid of being hurt like that again so have become a lot more cautious, harsh, and reluctant to attach emotionally.
Since I cannot retire for 5 years, I am afraid the above is all there’s going to be.
June 30, 2015 at 10:57 am
Lisa
There is a Universal Law that goes like this…What we focus on is what shows up in our lives. I’d love to see you start focusing on the idea that there are good men out there to date and that you will connect with the right one. Also get some help whether it’s my book, the Fun Path Program, or One on One Coaching. I’ve used coaches for years and what I’ve found is they can often see what I can’t plus they hold the vision of believing in my ability to get what I want. Lots of hugs to you~
June 29, 2015 at 11:22 pm
Danise
My dating fears begin when I look in the mirror.
I will continue to read your advice Lisa, because you offer a new perspective.
Thank you.
June 30, 2015 at 10:53 am
Lisa
Denise…it’s important you get your confidence back. I’ve mentioned my book in a couple of these threads. I devote a chapter to rebuilding your confidence that I think would be a great place to start. This is the link….The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50. So appreciate you writing and hang in there. Hugs~
June 29, 2015 at 6:14 pm
Vickey
Thanks so much for the info.I have been out of the dating scene for a very long time.I’m 61yrs old and scared to death.I’m trying to get out there so I signed up on one of the sites.Hopefully things will work out.
June 29, 2015 at 6:21 pm
Lisa
Hi Vickey….Congrats for signing up of one of the sites. That’s exciting. As I mentioned to Jane in the other comments here, if you haven’t read my book, I think it could help with some of those fears. You can take a look at the book here….The Winning Dating Formula for Women Over 50. Also keep reading the blogs sent every week. I remember when I was afraid of dating. Now in hindsight, it came from not knowing what to do. The book is a great start for that. Keep us posted on how its going. Lots of hugs~
June 29, 2015 at 5:25 pm
Jane
Thanks, Lisa!
Your info is so great, I DID buy the book and signed up for the weeklies. I have been totally encouraged by your experiences and knowledge, that I’m feeling that dating is for fun, not a chore!! So good date or not, I am going to have fun!!
Jane
June 29, 2015 at 5:35 pm
Lisa
You go for it Jane!!!!! Let me know what you think of the book. Hugs~
June 29, 2015 at 10:51 am
Jane
Hello Lisa,
Thank you for being a wonderful writer and communicator. I just discovered your website and am enjoying reading your blog, immensely!
Of course I am a 50+ in the dating scene. The problem is that I do not know if I WANT to date or if I am SCARED to date and this article really helps me see fears and try to overcome.
My problem is my own low self-esteem and feeling I am not attractive enough (a bit overweight). I know not to fixate on that on a date (per your blog) and the men I have dated have said they found me attractive, but I feel once intimacy comes along–that perception will change! I don’t dress falsely, but the outer shell is so much more attractive than without the shell.
I’m looking for your blog entries on this…I know I need to overcome my lack of confidence when it comes to intimacy!!
But on the good news side…I have met someone, we have emailed just enough for the phone call this week and hopefully a coffee this weekend! Yahoo!
Jane
June 29, 2015 at 11:57 am
Lisa
Hi Jane…glad you are enjoying these blogs. I send one weekly that automatically happens when you sign up for the free report that is on the right side.
Self esteem issues are huge for our age. If you haven’t read my book, I think it could help with some of that. You can take a look at the book here….The Winning Dating Formula for Women Over 50.
In the meantime, have fun on your date and keep us posted on what happens.
Lots of hugs~